Carole Mayhall - Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: Speaking the Truth in Love

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1986, 2007 by Carole Mayhall

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ISBN-13: 978-1-60006-212-4

Cover design by The DesignWorks Group, Charles Brock
www.thedesignworksgroup.com

Some of the anecdotal illustrations in this book are true to life and are included with the permission of the persons involved. All other illustrations are composites of real situations, and any resemblance to people living or dead is coincidental.

Unless otherwise identified, all Scripture quotations in this publication are taken from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ( NIV ). Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Other versions used include: the Revised Standard Version Bible ( RSV ), copyright 1946. 1952, 1971, 1973; The New American Standard Bible ( NASB ), The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971. 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977; the Amplified New Testament ( AMP ), The Lockman Foundation 1954, 1958; the New King James Version ( NKJV ), copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson Inc., Publishers; the New Testament in Modern English (Revised Edition). J.B. Phillips Translator. ( PH ) J.B. Phillips 1958, 1960, 1972, used by permission of Macmillan Publishing Company; The Living Bible ( TLB ), 1971, used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189, all rights reserved; and the Modern Language Bible: The Berkeley Version in Modern English ( MLB ). copyright 1945, 1959, 1969 by Zondervan Publishing House, and used by permission.

Mayhall, Carole

Words that hurt, words that heal / by Carole Mayhall.

108p. ; 23 cm

ISBN-10: 1-60006-212-1

ISBN-13: 978-1-60006-212-4

I. Christian life. 2. Conduct of life. I. Title.

BV4501 .2.M426 1986

24l/.672 19 86-61136

CIP

Printed in the United States of America

3 4 5 6 7 8 9 / 15 14 13 12 11

Build: 2020-03-25 09:55:19 EPUB 2.0

Contents

C OMMITMENT C OMES F IRST

O N B RAGGING

O N C OMPLAINING

O N R ECKLESS AND C ARELESS S PEECH

O N S LANDER AND G OSSIP

O N A NGER AND C ONFLICT

O N D ISCRETION

O N G IVING AND R ECEIVING R EPROOF

O N G ENTLENESS

A S TUDY G UIDE FOR R EFLECTION AND D ISCUSSION

To Jack

Friend-husband

Counselor

Lover

Companion

One who has shown me the meaning

of self-control

yes, of tongue-control

With my deepest gratitude

When a good man speaks,
he is worth listening to,
but the words of fools
are a dime a dozen.

PROVERBS 10:20, TLB

Preface

W ARNING! DO NOT READ THIS BOOK unless, of course, you want God to teach you, as He is teaching me, some vital issues about our speech. That is what this book is all about. I trust it will be a straightforward handling of a devious matter our tongue. James tells us that the tongue is like the bit in a horses mouth; if we control the bit, we control the horse (see James 3:3).

The tongue is the biggest, littlest bit we possess. And God has a great deal to say about this member both positive and negative.

May Gods Spirit convict you and me as we look into what to say, how to say it, when to speak and when not to speak issues that are especially hard for women. May we bring our tongues to the place where they glorify God.

Introduction

Commitment Comes First

S ix hundred women swarmed into the hive-shaped banquet hall and fluttered to rest. The buzzing became a low hum and finally stilled as we waited for the evening session of the conference to begin.

Dennis was an eloquent speaker, and he challenged us with story after story of taking the Bible to East Asia. His climaxing illustration left me shaken.

On a recent visit to an Asian church, he sat next to a small woman whose hands were so crippled she could not hold the hymnbook. Following the service, he turned to her and asked, Do you have a Bible?

No, she said softly.

Would you like to have one? he queried.

Oh, yes! Her face brightened.

If you will come back to my hotel, I will give you one, offered Dennis.

As they walked back to his hotel, Dennis asked the diminutive woman about her hands. She told him the following story.

When the soldiers were searching for all Bibles, hymnbooks, and religious material, they came to my door. I had hidden my Bible under the cold ashes of my stove, but they knew all the places to look. As they were taking my Bible from my house, I grabbed it and said, Oh, please dont take my Bible. Its all that I have to tell me about my Jesus.

The men said, Its nothing but a book of fables. Give it to us, old woman.

But again I cried, Oh, please dont take it. Its all that I have that tells me about my Jesus.

The woman said they took her outside, stripped her, and put her up on a platform to shame her before the crowds. For four hours she sat with the Bible clutched to her naked breast, head down as the crowds mocked and spit on her. They thought she was ashamed, but she was praying.

She continued, After four hours they again tried to take my Bible, but I clung to it and said, Please dont take it. Its all that I have that tells me about my Jesus.

Angrily they spread her out in the dirt with hands clasped and arms stretched over her head and beat her hands with a hammer until they were nothing but pulp. To this day she cannot even feed herself.

As I listened to this story, I was deeply touched. Dennis was totally committed to taking the Word of God to dangerous places. The woman was totally committed to Christ and to His Word.

The speaker the next morning was a sweet-faced woman from JAARS (Jungle Aviation and Radio Service), a branch of Wycliffe Bible Translators. Beverly told of being a homemaker in Kansas when, one evening, a call for dedication was given at their church missions conference. She and her husband, their three small children between them, walked down the aisle and said to the Lord, Anywhere, anytime, and anything, Lord.

Two years later, Beverly walked into a tarpaper shack that was to be her home in Papua New Guinea. It had a two-foot separation between the walls and roof, allowing anything to come and go. She looked around and whispered, I didnt mean this, Lord.

She cried for two weeks, and when her husband asked if she wanted to go home, she said yes. But the Lord gently loved her until she could say again, Anywhere, anytime, anything, Lord. She and her husband were privileged to see many come out of the darkness into Gods light.

Seven years later, Beverly waved goodbye to her only son returning to college in the United States. In her heart she cried, I didnt mean this, Lord. But again, after a struggle, she trusted God to care for her son while he was half a world away.