David Montgomery - What To Do When Relationships Are At A Standstill

Chapter 1

Jesus Causes Division

A line is drawn in the sand. On which side of the line are you?

The one thats against Jesus or the one thats in favor of Him?

In Matthew 10:3435 (NLT), it states, Dont imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace but a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Luke 12:5153 (NLT) states, Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two againstor two in favor and three against. Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.

Second Corinthians 5:17 (KJV) says, Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. When you became born-again, your relationships changed from your spouse and family, extended family, friends, associates, and any other relationships with people you had. You must understand that because you have chosen to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, conflict and disagreement will come. Even when you pay your tithes (for those who pay them) and every time you give an offering.

Some may say, I do not believe in tithing or even giving an offering. The Old Testament says in Malachi 3:810 (NLT), Should people cheat God? Yet you have cheated me! But you ask, What do you mean? When did we ever cheat you? You have cheated me of the tithes and offerings due to me. You are under a curse, for your whole nation has been cheating me. Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my temple. If you do, says the LORD of Heavens Armies, I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you wont have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test! You may say that it is in the Old Testament. Yes, it is. The New Testament says in 2 Corinthians 9:67 (NLT), Remember thisa farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And dont give reluctantly or in response to pressure. For God loves a person who gives cheerfully. My question is this: When you give, do you give generously or reluctantly?

What about your old friends? You know those friends you had at one time that wanted you to hang out with them and do those things you formerly did with them? Whenever you came to a family gathering, their favorite words were Here comes the one that calls himself or herself a Christian. Who thinks that he or she is better than us. When you begin to grow in Christ and commit to serving Him no matter what, it will separate you from friends and people you love the most. Why? Glad you asked. Because you have chosen to begin to live a lifestyle according to the standard of Gods Word, not according to the world standards. They tell you it doesnt take all that! I want to let you know that it will take all that because we are living in the last days.

Romans 8:9 (NLT) states, But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And, remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to Him at all.) Truth: If people do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them, they are none of His. For anyone who is a born-again believer and those who profess to be Christians, their lifestyles say one thing, but their actions speak another. However, you must understand what truth means according to the Word. Since you have been born again, have you ever tried talking to someone about the Word of God? You will find that they do not understand and tell you that you are crazy and do not know what you are saying.

The Amplified Bible says in 2 Corinthians 4:34, But even if our Gospel [the glad tidings] also be hidden [obscured and covered up with a veil that hinders the knowledge of God], it is hidden [only] to those who are perishing and obscured [only] to those who are spiritually dying and veiled [only] to those who are lost. For the God of this world has blinded the unbelievers minds [that they should not discern the truth], preventing them from seeing the illuminating light of the Gospel of the glory of Christ [the Messiah], who is the Image and Likeness of God. So when you learn to accept that everyone who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior is none of His, you will understand why Jesus causes division. You have been with your spouse for an extended period, from meeting each other to dating to getting married. They have come to know you. They know the old you, with your good and bad behavior traits. The things you used to do with your spouse, those things that were ungodly, you do not have the desire to do anymore. So you find yourself caught in the middle, trying to follow Jesus and obeying His commandments instead of trying to make your spouse happy at the same time. You do the things they want you to do, those things you used to do that now cause you to compromise your walk with Jesus.

My question to you is, what areas are you compromising? Is it the music you listen to, the type of TV programs you watch with your spouse, the type of movies you go to see, or the type of conversations you have with your spouse? Are you saying one thing and doing another? What are you saying and doing behind closed doors? Only God and your spouse knows.

As Gods children, we confuse those we are in a relationship with by the way we conduct ourselves when we allow our flesh to control us instead of our spirit. I will cover that in more detail in chapter 2. For those of you who have children, are they born again? If so, are they at an age where they truly understand what it means to be born again? My question is, what age is that? Hebrews 4:13 (NLT) says, Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable. Thank God that He is the only one that knows all things and the only one that knows the hearts of everyone, regardless of age. Even if your children are born-again believers, Jesus will still cause division between you and them. The simple fact is that if you are truly living according to the Word of God in righteousness and holiness and your children are around people or friends who say, It doesnt take all that, there will be division.

For those of you who have children who are not born again, I want you to understand that Jesus will cause division between you and them even more so. Because you have distinct values and look at things differently from the world, your children will not understand why they cannot do what all their friends are doing. They will always go to your spouse and tell him or her that you will not let them do this or watch this or that, whether it is on TV or DVD or at the movies. Nine times out of ten, you will have a strong disagreement with your spouse because of your position. Just remember what the Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:12 (NLT), Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. Now that you have become a child of God, you must understand that Jesus will cause division between you and your family. Did you notice that before you gave your life to Christ, you got along with your siblings and everyone else to include your extended family? You could sit down at family gatherings, laugh, joke, and watch all different types of programs on TV. You could talk to them about any and every thing; you were one of them. Then suddenly, something changed with you since the last family gathering. There has been a change in your life; that change was that you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and became a born-again believer. You go to family gatherings with your family members, including cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews and nieces, parents, grandparents. And friends who dont understand why you no longer act the way you did say things you said before becoming a believer.