Paul Smith - Parenting with a Story: Real-Life Lessons in Character for Parents and Children to Share

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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Smith, Paul, 1967 July 3

Parenting with a story : real-life lessons in character for parents and children to share /
Paul Smith.

pages cm

Includes index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-8144-3357-7 (pbk.)

ISBN-10: 0-8144-3357-X (pbk.)

1. Parenting. 2. Parent and child. 3. Storytelling. I. Title.

HQ755.8.S63287 2014

306.874--dc23

2014021477

ISBN-13: 978-0-8144-3358-4 (ebook)

2015 Paul Smith

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America.

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Printing number
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my sons, Matthew and Benjamin,
that you may benefit from more wisdom than my one lifetime can provide.

Contents

Acknowledgments

First and foremost, Id like to thank the people whose names and stories grace the pages of this book. Im grateful to all of you for sharing such intimate moments of your life so that others could benefit from your experience.

For most, your names are already included elsewhere in the book, so I wont repeat them here. But I am just as humbled by those who contributed their time and wisdom in lengthy interviews, but whose names do not show up as characters in the stories. You include Moe Abdou, Steve August, Preston Becker, Tikica Benjamin, David Boje, Rani Bookvich, Rita Bosel, Clay Brizendine, Roby Brock, Theresa Cornett, Ji-Hoon Dierckx, Karen Dietz, Felecia Favroth, Kim Fullerton, Scott Gaudi, Pilar Gonzalez, Jessica Hall, Kelley Bridges Herbez, Dann Hotelling, David Hutchens, Jean Ibrahim, Doyle Jackson, Margaret Layding, Chad Leland, Dejah Meldem, Ruth Milligan, Curtis Munk, Christina Parisi, Sue Ransohoff, Butch Renfroe, Rupa Sharma, Kristin Sharp, Aimee Shouse, Annette Simmons, Bob Smith, John Stagliano, Maki Tahara, Scott Tilford, Leslie Tse, Berenike Ullmann, Paul Wesselmann, Andrew Wong, and Tiffany Yang.

Thanks also to my editors at AMACOM Books, Stephen S. Power and Erika Spelman, and to Dan Dorr for being an early sounding board for these stories. And a special thanks to Ed Tanguay for brainstorming questions for the discussion guide with me, and to my wife, Lisa, for patiently listening to me retell each story over and over again until I found my voice in them.

Introduction

The destiny of the world is determined less by the battles that are lost and won than by the stories it loves and believes in.

HOWARD GODDARD

P erhaps the most memorable lesson I ever learned about becoming an adult occurred at the most unexpected place and time: in a crowded restaurant on Secretarys Day, April 1986. Still a teenager and a freshman in college, I had a part-time job at a local furniture manufacturing company. My father was an executive there, and he helped me get a job as a file clerk in the personnel office. I discovered that each year on that day, all the bosses took their administrators and clerical staff out to lunch. That meant a free lunch for me.

To make it easy, the company reserved every seat in a local restaurant. About fifty managers and more than a hundred secretaries showed up that day. In preparation for so many guests, the restaurant prepared only two meal options: a club sandwich and quiche lorraine. Its important to recognize that this event happened shortly after the publication of the bestselling book Real Men Dont Eat Quiche by Bruce .Feirstein, a tongue-in-cheek look at the feminization of the American male.

So as the waitress was making her rounds taking orders, it was no surprise that all the men ordered the club sandwich and most of the women ordered the quiche. Until they got to my dad, that is, who was sitting within earshot of me. He looked up from the menu and said, Hmm... Ive never had quiche before. I tell you what, why dont you bring me half a quiche and half a club sandwich. That way, if I dont like the quiche, Ill still have the sandwich.

Within seconds, the abuse began. The men at the table called my fathers masculinity into question in more creative ways than I had imagined possible at that point in my life. Awkward and embarrassing dont begin to describe how it feels for a boy still in his teenage years to watch his father be ridiculed in such a manner. Needless to say, when it was my turn to order, I quickly picked the club sandwich.

After ten or fifteen minutes of ribbing, my father seemed to have had enough and called the waitress back over. Thank God! I thought. Just pacify these jerks and lets get on with lunch. The waitress arrived and Dad said, as expected, Im sorry. I need to change my order. I ordered half a quiche and half a club sandwich. Howls of success and a round of high fives erupted at the table as the other men celebrated their victory. Their aim had been to break my fathers will with their ridicule, and apparently they had just done it.

What came next, however, shocked me and everyone else. He continued, Take back the half a club sandwich and bring me the whole damn quiche! A stunned silence fell over the table of now slack-jawed men.