Susanna Gold - The Breakup Survival Guide for Women: How to Heal Your Broken Heart, Achieve Closure, And Get On With Your Life

Copyright 2018 by Susanna Gold

All rights reserved.

2nd Edition: February 2018

Cover Illustration: Kachaev

eBook Created by BookBaby

ISBN: 978 0 9834491 4 0

To my sister Rachel, whose support and opinions

were invaluable in the writing of this book.

Introduction

As someone who has suffered from a broken heart, I know the pain of having to carry on when you cant be with the person you love. I had loved and lost over the years, and each time I struggled to recover. But there was one breakup that was far more devastating than the others. After this incredibly painful breakup, I was at a crossroads. I had suffered for nearly a year, unable to accept the end of my relationship. But I knew that if I didnt make a strong and genuine effort to recover, I would continue to be depressed and find little joy in life. I didnt want to become bitter, so I decided to try my best to be positive. It was difficult, but I found that the positive attitude I portrayed on the outside soon became how I felt on the inside. As I struggled to come to terms with my loss, I came up with techniques and solutions that were effective at lifting me out of depression and easing me into my new life without my ex. I would like to share them with you. By learning from my mistakes and remaining optimistic, I was able to get over my breakup and finally meet the right person who I had been searching for most of my life.

If you are struggling to get over a breakup, feeling emotionally drained and as if you might never fully recover, this book will be of great help to you. It offers innovative ways in which to direct your time and energy while rebuilding your confidence, so that you will be able to pull yourself out of your negative state of mind, and begin to function again. It will enable you to learn lessons from your breakup, find constructive ways to cope with your feelings, and achieve closure. You will learn how to:

• Accept the end of the relationship.
• Keep yourself from contacting your ex.
• Avoid stress during the healing process.
• Grieve properly and immediately after the breakup so that you dont get stuck in an endless cycle of grieving.
• Analyze and review what happened during your relationship so that you can achieve closure on your own.
• Live in the present and look towards the future instead of obsessing about the past.
• Avoid denigrating yourself and gain your confidence back.

Summaries serve as reminders after each chapter if you feel the need, you can refer to them whenever necessary. Everyone heals at a different pace. Although the book moves rapidly, dont feel that you must follow a specific time frame. My hope is that you will get to a healthy place emotionally after your breakup, as soon as possible.

- Susanna Gold

Chapter One

Accepting That Its Over

Breakups are traumatic, life-changing events. When you realize that your relationship is over, its devastating. There may be moments when you feel sheer desperation. You want him back so badly that the pain is unbearable. You feel completely alone and helpless because there seems to be nothing you can do to make yourself feel better. You analyze every moment of your time with him to the point of exhaustion. You see the world through a gray fog, and its impossible to concentrate at work or socialize in any genuine way. You try your best to be strong, but the devastation takes its toll; you feel calm and composed one minute, and distressed the next. Everything reminds you of him. Movies and television shows with tragic romantic plots seem like they were written solely for you. You relate intensely to the characters, feeling their pain and comparing it to your own. Certain parts of town become no-go areas because you went there with him. You attach memories to every store you entered and every restaurant you frequented as a couple. When you do decide to go to these places, memories overwhelm you. You look around; everyone seems to be behaving normally and going about their business as usual. It is a surreal experience because there is vibrant energy humming all around you, yet you feel like your world has come to an abrupt halt. You almost feel like a ghost that no one can see, or a victim of an accident who is being ignored. You want to ask people for help, but you know that no one else has that ability - the only one who can save you from your pain is yourself.

During your relationship, you dreamed of a bright future; waking up every morning next to him, the friends you shared, the world that you built around him. Unfortunately, no matter how much you care for another person, you have no power over their decisions or actions. You cannot demand that he work on fixing your relationship or that he come back. The fact that you miss him and want him back is understandable. However, waiting patiently for his return instead of moving forward with your life will only prolong your pain. You could end up wasting months or even years, endlessly waiting. The hope for reconciliation will have you living in a parallel universe - wanting him back while at the same time, wanting to get over him, two conflicting emotions. The only way to get over the breakup is to accept that he is not coming back and make decisions in your life reflecting this.

Remove the Pedestal and Stop Telling Yourself That He Was The One

Ask yourself why you are idealizing this person and putting him on a pedestal. What needs did he fulfill in your life? And, why have you been able to recover from past breakups and disappointments, but not this one? Answer these questions and you are on your way to getting over him. Since he is no longer there, its important that you be able to fill that emptiness.

Dont sabotage your life by convincing yourself that your ex was perfect in every way, or worse, that he was the one. When you do this, you are imposing your past on your future. Your future is wide open, so the last thing you should do is write off other men who approach you or place them in a lesser position in your mind. Men who are intuitive will know that something is wrong and will have less incentive to pursue you. Doing this to yourself also blocks you from being open to them, keeping you in a kind of dating purgatory. Dont let the memories of your ex cause you to shut down and reject other people once youre ready to date again. Remain open and embrace the fact that every man you meet will be different.

Have a Plan

The first few weeks after a breakup are the toughest. Getting through each day is an accomplishment, in and of itself. However, if you know how to heal, you can minimize the trauma and drastically cut down on the time it takes to recover. If you set your mind to it, and have some guidance and a plan to back you up, you can get to a comfortable place emotionally and heal considerably in a short period of time. But this can only happen if you have a genuine desire to put the relationship behind you. Instead of stagnating and feeling down every day, you want to feel better. The first step is disconnecting yourself from your ex. This means making the firm decision not to contact him. It takes a great deal of strength to control the urge to see him or speak with him. But the earlier you are able to put the relationship behind you the better it will be for you in the long-run.

Dont Call Him

It takes super-human self-control not to call him, especially during the first month after the breakup. The problem with ringing him up or instigating a video call with him is this: If you call him youll be setting yourself back in the healing process you will be lengthening the time it takes you to get over him. Hearing the sound of his voice would devastate you and watching him speak to you on video would be even worse. The best way to stop yourself from picking up your phone is to view not doing so as self-protection - you are avoiding pain. Delete his contact information from your cellphone so that the temptation is not directly in front of you all day long.