The Leave Out Violence Teens - The Courage to Change: A Teen Survival Guide

THE COURAGE TO CHANGE
A Teen Survival Guide

National Library of Canada Cataloguing in Publication Data

Main entry under title:
The courage to change : a teen survival guide

ISBN 1-896764-41-X

1. Violence in adolescence--Canada--Prevention. 2. Violence in adolescence--Pictorial works. 3. Juvenile delinquency--Canada--Prevention. I. Zosky Proulx, Brenda II. Leave Out ViolencE (Association)

HV9069.C68 2001 364.408350971 C2001-901854-1

Copyright 2001 Leave Out ViolencE Youth

Book design and layout by Stephanie Martin

Cover photographs by from left to right, top:
Maureen Rodriguez Labreche; Joy Futerman; Joel Silverstein
Bottom: Maureen Rodriguez Labreche; Maureen Rodriguez Labreche; Beth; Patricia

Printed and bound in Canada
ISBN 1-896764-41-X

Second Printing
Third Printing

Second Story Press gratefully acknowledges the support of the Ontario Arts Council and the Canada Council for the Arts for our publishing program. We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program, and the Government of Ontario through the Ontario Media Development Corporations Ontario Book Initiative.

Published by
SECOND STORY PRESS
20 Maud Street, Suite 401
Toronto, ON
M5V 2M5
www.secondstorypress.ca

by the
Leave Out ViolencE Youth

Compiled by
Brenda Zosky Proulx

This book is dedicated to the memory of Daniel Rudberg. It is also dedicated to the youth of the world who have the courage to speak out and thus bring positive change into their own lives and the lives of others.

Chapter 1
FEELINGS

Chapter 2
SELF-IMAGE

Chapter 3
HOME

Chapter 4
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Chapter 5
SCHOOL

Chapter 6
BULLYING

Chapter 7
DRUGS

Chapter 8
RELATIONSHIPS

Chapter 9
GANGS

Chapter 10
SEXUAL ABUSE

Chapter 11
INTOLERANCE

Chapter 12
YOUR TURN

Chapter 13
AND HERES WHAT THE ADULTS SAY...

The stories and poems in The Courage to Change: A Teen Survival Guide are written by remarkable people. In these pages, youth speak with great honesty about the ruinous effect of violence in their lives. They also speak with hope and courage.

Reading about their experiences, we wonder at the ability of the human spirit to endure hardship. But these young people did more than survive. They rejected brutality and used their deep understanding of suffering to become wiser and more compassionate.

In the Synoptic Gospel according to St. Thomas, there is a profound statement about human nature, If you find out what is within you and you bring out what is within you, what is within you will save you; if you find out what is within you and you do not bring out what is within you, what is within you will destroy you.

This guide for teenagers is all about believing in the possibility for change and finding your real inner self. Every young person whose story appears here has struggled, but they have also persevered. Their determination to learn from the past shows the path to true growth and well-being.

I hope that everyone who reads The Courage to Change: A Teen Survival Guide will dedicate themselves to finding personal peace and bringing it to others. I send my warmest congratulations to its contributors and my best wishes to its readers.

Adrienne Clarkson

TWENTY-NINE YEARS AGO, in an act of random senseless violence, Twinkle Rudberg lost her husband, Daniel, to the anger of a fourteen-year-old boy. Daniel Rudberg intervened in a purse-snatching incident in Montreal and died instantly from stab wounds. The incident changed Twinkle Rudbergs life. While initially dealing with her own feelings of being victimized, she eventually recognized that the boy was a victim as well. In 1993, she founded Leave Out ViolencE (L.O.V.E.).

THIS BOOK IS ABOUT COURAGE, change and survival, words which have been key in my life. In order to survive, I had to find courage within myself. Leave Out ViolencE was founded because of the path I chose in answer to the greatest challenge of my life. The choices that have affected my life have been dramatic. They started many years ago when my parents were looking for a child to adopt and I was their choice. How fortunate I was; I grew up privileged and life for me was happy and fulfilling. I was married to a beautiful man, Daniel, with whom I shared a wonderful family. He absolutely loved life.

Then one Saturday night in September of 1972, he made a choice that affected many lives forever. None of us believe that violence will ever touch our lives. Someone else, yes. Me? No! It never entered my mind until that Saturday evening. We were on our way out to dinner with friends when we noticed an elderly lady being attacked by a teenage boy. Daniel went to the aid of the woman and then chased the fourteen-year-old boy and cornered him in some bushes. The boy had a knife and stabbed Daniel to death.

I thought my life had ended along with Daniels. After many years I came to realize that I had a choice to make. I could be continuously angry, bitter and vindictive; I could give up. Instead, I chose life. I began to look at the life of the boy who had killed Daniel, and became aware that he had been a victim as well. He was often alone and isolated, and had become involved with a gang, with drugs, and with violence. I grew increasingly aware of the proliferation of youth violence and I knew that I wanted to do something to change this alarming trend. I wanted to hear what youth had to say, and to know why their culture was so focused on violence. I wanted to give them a voice.

Once that decision was made, magic happened. I gathered a group of concerned citizens and we decided to go out on a limb and do something for the youth of our society. We realized that we are all responsible for the future of Canadas children. It was because of the nature of Dans death and the triumph of positive choice that the Leave Out ViolencE organization was started in 1993.

The youth that I have had the great privilege to work with and speak to across Canada inevitably ask me if I feel that Dans death was predestined. Though I cant answer that, what I do tell them is that a path was put in front of me and I chose to follow it. When we choose life, when we choose to help others, we risk failure, and sometimes we do falter. But every time we bring someone into the light, it affects all of us. I feel deeply blessed to be doing this work. I thank every young person who has touched my life; they make my heart smile. I have huge admiration for their courage to change and their ability to survive the challenges put in their paths. Bravo to all of them!

Twinkle Rudberg
President and Founder of L.O.V.E

THE YOUTH who produced this relentlessly honest book are part of an exciting adventure in social change. They are teenagers who have decided to reject violence by lifting their lives to a higher ground. Now they are helping others to do the same. Their straight-from-the-gut writing and photographs, plus their own hard-won insights, are the tools they use for personal, and then social, change.