Christopher Burge - His Rules: Gods Practical Roadmap for Becoming and Attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right

His Rules is de rigueur for any single with a sincere desire to find the special sauce mate God has for them.

R ONN E LMORE , Psy.d, author of Transforming Your Relationships: An Action Plan for Love that Lasts (with T.D. Jakes)

His Rules is an amazingly biblical guidebook with practical and relevant encouragement for all singles. Our single sons will all get a copy!

P AM AND B ILL F ARREL , authors of Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti and Why Men and Women Act the Way They Do!

Instead of telling singles howor notto date, Burge and Toussaint tell singles how to prepare themselves for the spouse God intends them to have and what to do once they think that person has been found. Their insightful questions and activities help singles delve deep into their own expectations and misconceptions about marriage and lead them toward healthy relationships with the Lord and with their future partner. Christian singles who find their own methods ineffective, as they often are, will be relieved to read this book and find a road map to guide them to and through one of the most important decisions of their lives.

A LISON S TROBEL , author of Worlds Collide

Christopher and Pamela have written a must-read book for Christian singles longing for a soul mate. Each chapter systematically dismantles the fantasies, untruths, and faulty thinking that undermine a successful search for a mate and a successful marriage. His Rules equips readers with insights and skills that force them to dig deep within their own souls to prepare themselves for a God-honoring marriagelong before anyone is even in the picture.

C HERYL G REEN , author of World Wide Search: The Savvy Christians Guide to Online Dating

H IS R ULES
P UBLISHED BY W ATER B ROOK P RESS
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Colorado Springs, Colorado 80920
A division of Random House, Inc.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ( AMP ) are taken from The Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org.) Scripture quotations marked ( KJV ) are taken from the King James Version. Scripture quotations marked ( TLB ) are taken from The Living Bible copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ( MSG ) are taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotations marked ( NASB ) are taken from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org). Scripture quotations marked ( NIV ) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ( NLT ) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Boldface in Scripture quotations reflect the authors added emphasis.

Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.

Grateful acknowledgment is made for the part-divider illustrations by Jerome Duran of YourStuff Online, Houston, Texas.

eISBN: 978-0-307-55166-5

Copyright 2005 by Christopher Burge and Pamela Toussaint

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

W ATER B ROOK and its deer design logo are registered trademarks of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Burge, Christopher L.
His rules : Gods practical road map for becoming and attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right / Christopher L. Burge and Pamela Toussaint. 1st ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
1. Mate selectionReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Toussaint, Pamela. II. Title.
BV835.B87 2005
248.84dc22

2004017794

v3.1

Sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy.

L EVITICUS 11:44 , KJV

Thanks to my heavenly Dad, my earthly parents, and all my pastors: Pete Scazzero, A. R. Bernard, and Donnie McClurkin, for exampling what it means to be holy, each in your own way, each at the right time.

Pamela

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your uncompromising commitment to the things of God. And to my brothers, Daryl and Gregg; and Roxanne for her unwavering support throughout this project. Finally, thanks to the Bible study, for giving me the privilege of sharing the things of God with you on a weekly basis.

Chris

Many thanks to our supportive publishers, Don Pape and Steve Cobb; our agent, Claudia Cross; our editor, Liz Heaney; and our wise friends and associates, Janet Hill and Sonya White.

Pamela and Chris

Phase One

GET DIESELED

I n todays divorce-ridden society, its clear that most of us are entering marriage without enough gas for the trip. We must do the hard work beforehand in order to enter and sustain healthy, thriving marriages. Period. Many of us look good on the outside but are entering relationships malnourished. Only God can give us the Wheaties we need on the inside so we can make our relationships work. Lets deepen our commitment to Him, build up our spirit, and cleanse our soul in preparation for a mate.

You have been wandering around in this hill country long enough; turn northward.

D EUTERONOMY 2:3 , NLT

W henever I (Chris) give workshops on relationships, presenting a biblical view of what to expect in marriage, giddy couples often tell me, Chris, this teaching was really great, but we just know our marriage will be different.

Many singles travel down Relationship Road, clutching the same dog-eared, upside-down map that has led us to be lost, hurt, and hungry the last fifty times we used it. No wonder we keep engaging in dissatisfying, dead-end relationships. We have bought into marriage myths that need to be exposed and replaced with truth.

Few institutions in our society are under as much attack as the familyparticularly the Christian family. This is why we labored to produce this book for you. Why is the family Satans main place of attack? Because he can get a lot of bang for his buck. If a husband and wife bicker constantly, lie to one another, or engage in extramarital affairs, he smiles because he knows the devastation will reverberate to the children and grandchildren. He knows that the sins of the fathers will be passed down to the third and fourth generationsseeExod20:5 unless a person seeks the intervention of the Holy Spirit to address generational curses and other family sins. Satans fine with our being hand-clapping Christians in church, at Bible study, and during choir rehearsal, as long as we are miserable and contentious at home.