Melvin L. Silberman - PeopleSmart: Developing Your Interpersonal Intelligence

Check off the people activities below that apply to you:

• supervising employees
• parenting children (and ones parents)
• working on a team
• being in a committed relationship
• dealing with your boss
• participating in religious or community groups
• helping others understand how to do something
• coping as a consumer
• obtaining business
• interviewing others or being interviewed
• relating to doctors, nurses, and mental health professionals
• selling to a customer
• attending a party
• networking
• interacting with coworkers or classmates
• chatting on the Internet

Chances are you checked several of these items. It used to be said that some of us were in the business of working with people and some of us were in the business of working with facts, figures, and machinery. This distinction was probably never accurate, but its inaccuracy is now beyond dispute: Good people skills are a must for any job, including technical ones. Our lives at home also demand superior people skills as we try to juggle new roles and new living conditions. The people business is no longer the domain of the few. It includes you and everyone you know.

The twenty-first century will feature a rapidly changing and highly interrelated world. You will probably accomplish very little on your own, but with other people you may be able to accomplish a lot. Increasingly, success will depend on being people smart.

Ask the person on the street what it means to be people smart, and you may get an answer such as, Oh, thats a person who is really a smooth operator a person who knows how to get others to join his side. A second person might answer, someone who is personable, friendly, fun to be with. While few people would complain about having those two attributes, they represent a very limited view of what it means to be gifted with people. Being people smart is a multifaceted intelligence, not limited to your political skills or your social graces but including a wide range of interpersonal abilities. Being people smart means that you are good at eight skills:

How well you understand others has considerable impact on how successful you will be in every arena. People who understand others communicate more effectively, influence what others think and do, and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner. To discover what makes people tick, you must learn to listen actively, empathize, and acknowledge other viewpoints. You need to know how to ask questions that clarify what a person is trying to say. Understanding people means going beyond the words they speak and learning how to interpret the unspoken. You must also know how to read other peoples styles and motives so that you can work with them effectively.

Being people smart means knowing how to get your message across. Expressing yourself clearly is important to any relationship, personal or business. When you go on and on to make a point, you dont get the results you want. You must know how to get to the point when brevity is required, yet provide enough details so that you dont confuse people. And its important to say things so that your words are memorable. You must also sense when the other person can help you be clearer by checking understanding of what youve said.

In order to be people smart, youve got to be your own person. You have to have limits and you have to establish those limits. If you try to be all things to all people, youll wind up disappointing them. You also need to be straightforward with your wishes. Hinting at what you need from others only leads to disappointment and frustration. Once that happens, you often become angry at others and lose the calm and confidence you need to be at your best.

Being people smart means having the ability to give feedback easily and do it without giving offense. The feedback you provide must be descriptive, concrete, and intended to be helpful. It should also be well timed, nonblaming, and practical. Its also smart to get in the habit of asking for feedback as well as giving it. If feedback is withheld from you, its as though you have blinders on. Without feedback, youre always left wondering what the other person is thinking about you. To encourage others to respond to your requests for feedback, you must give them time to organize and express their thoughts, and you must listen to what theyre saying with an open mind.

The people smart person is able to motivate others to action. To be in a more commanding position to influence others, you must become the kind of person who is able to connect with others, unearth their needs, and link them in an effective way to what you have to offer to them. You must also know how to reduce resistance to change and how to make persuasive appeals.