Jay McGraw - Jay McGraws Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies

JAY McGRAWs
LIFE STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH
BULLIES

ALSO BY JAY McGRAW

Closing the Gap

Daily Life Strategies for Teens

Life Strategies for Teens

Life Strategies for Teens Workbook

The Ultimate Weight Solution for Teens

Jay McGraw
Illustrated by Steve Bjrkman

The anecdotes in this book are used to illustrate common issues and problems, and do not necessarily portray specific people or situations. With the exception of a few people that were the subject of prior media coverage, no real names have been used.

ALADDIN

An imprint of Simon & Schuster Childrens Publishing Division

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2008 by Jay McGraw

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

Aladdin and related logo are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Book design by Jessica Sonkin

The text for this book is set in Adobe Garamond Pro.

The illustrations for this book are rendered in pen and ink.

Manufactured in the United States of America

First Aladdin hardcover edition October 2008

2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1

CIP data for this book is available from the Library of Congress.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4169-7473-4

ISBN-10: 1-4169-7473-3

eISBN-13: 978-1-4424-0710-7

To my beautiful wife,

Erica, who makes me smile a little bigger

each and every day. You are so special.

I love you.

And to

my mom and dad for teaching me

how to respect myself and others.

And to

my brother, Jordan, who always has my back.

And to

Grandma, because you are such an amazing person!

And to

all of you who have stood up to a bully

and gone on to tell your story.

JAY McGRAWs
LIFE STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH
BULLIES

BULLIES HAVE BEEN A HUGE PROBLEM for as long as there has been any kind of society. Physical intimidation, teasing, and taunting are all ways bullies isolate victims, and that isolation is a key weapon in the bullys arsenal. Once limited to the playground, classroom, and any place or time that a bully could escape the watchful eye of protective authority figures, bullying has now crept into many other areas as the bullies of todays generation find new ways to bring misery to their victims. Thanks to the wide reach of the Internet, the loss of social connections in our highly transient society, and perhaps a growing numbness to violence, the bullys playground has gotten a whole lot bigger, and the methods of domination and exploitation are much more varied and even more invisible to the protectors eye.

It used to be that kids knew they could find some relief from pain and humiliation and an escape from harassment in their own homes. But via the Internet, keyboard bullies can come right into your home, penetrating this once safe haven. Some of the worst bullying is now done online via websites such as Facebook, MySpace, and other social online gathering places, as well as through e-mails and text messages to cell phones. Officials in some states have even proposed laws to make cyberbullying a criminal offense because it has become such a problem.

If you are being bullied in the real world, the virtual world, or both, and feel that there is no escape, this book brings a message of hope and important strategies for protecting yourself and your peace of mind. My son Jay has been passionately involved in efforts to eradicate bullying for many years. He has written this book to help you know that you dont deserve to be picked on, and that there are proven methods for stopping bullies in their tracks and shutting down this exploitation once and for all.

This book will not only show you how to help yourself, but it will also tell you how to ask for help in the right way from the right people. Bullying should no longer be written off or excused as a part of growing up. You can ignore bullies, but they will not go away. They dont disappear just because you have your eyes shut, look the other way, or turn the other cheek. And Jay makes it clear in this book that it is up to all of us to make certain that those bullies who repeatedly intimidate, harass, and physically abuse others are stopped and not allowed a place in our lives or the lives of others.

Since Im the father of the author, let me address the parents who pick up this book; or let me offer you this to share with your parents:

Bullying is not kids just being kids.

Bullying is not something that kids should be left to work out for themselves.

Being bullied can change your child in long-term and devastating ways.

Jay has written a serious and important book about a serious and important social problem, and it is packed with solid, practical advice that may be just what you need to turn things around. I am proud that he has taken this subject on and feel so blessed to be his dad. I hope this book will help give kids the opportunity to grow up bully-free and parents the opportunity to watch their children grow into adulthood and be as proud of them as I am of my son.

Dr. Phil

Its Craigs first day at his new elementary school. He doesnt know any of the other kids in his sixth-grade class, and hes very quiet, even shy. He doesnt make friends easily. Most of the other kids have attended the school for two or three years and know one another pretty well. There are some really tight groups.

As they head out for recess, most of the kids ignore Craig. He wanders over to a set of monkey bars and begins to play by himself. But not all of the kids are busy doing something else. Danny, a very tall, thickset sixth grader, is watching Craig closely. He heads toward the monkey bars where Craig is swinging.

Craig barely notices Danny as hes dangling from the monkey bars. But then he feels Danny brush past his foot.

Hey, you kicked me! Danny screams.

No, I didnt, says Craig. I was just hanging there. He drops down.

Danny walks up closer to Craig and gets in his face. You kicked me, so that must mean you think youre tough, huh? You think youre tough, punk?

Craig stutters, backs away, and trips. Danny raises his foot as if hes going to stomp Craig. Craig covers his face. Danny laughs and walks off.

Craig stands up, relieved, hoping that thats the last time hell have to deal with Danny. But it wont be. In fact, its only a start to what turns out to be a nightmare month and a half for Craig.

Every day after that, Danny does something to frighten Craig. He balls up his fist and acts like he is going to hit Craig. He bumps into Craig while walking to his seat at the lunch tableevery day. He pokes Craig in the back of his head over and over while theyre in line heading into gym. And every now and then, Danny gets right up in Craigs face and warns him, If you go whining to the teachers, Im really going to get you, punk.