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Jane Middelton-Moz - Bullies: From the Playground to the Boardroom

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Book:
Bullies: From the Playground to the Boardroom
Author:
Jane MiddeltonMoz / Mary Lee Zawadski
Publisher:
Health Communications, Inc.
Genre:
Books / Home and family
Year:
2010
Rating:
5 / 5
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From the boardrooms of corporate America to the bedrooms of middle America, bullying is occurring everywhere and is becoming more prevalent and increasingly dangerous.

With in-depth case studies of bullies and those they bullied, this groundbreaking book is emotionally disturbing yet cathartic. It provides a true look at the problem of bullying and what can be done to stop it.

Focusing on the three main environments where bullying occurs-on the playground, in relationships, and in the workplace-the authors provide concrete ways to diffuse bullying situations. They identify six bullying strategies with ways to counter each one and point out climates that encourage bullying behavior, as well as the factors that allow bullying to continue.

Most importantly, the authors explain how to reach out to bullies, since without appropriate guidance and support, bullies will only continue to create fear and anxiety in others. Finally, the authors explore the innovative anti-bullying programs in place around the country, and offer advice to parents and educators about which programs are working-and which are not.

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Table of Contents Sally Jessy Raphaels Red Eyeglass Series is a - photo 1

Table of Contents

Sally Jessy Raphaels Red Eyeglass Series is a collaboration between Sally Jessy - photo 2

Sally Jessy Raphaels Red Eyeglass Series is a collaboration between Sally Jessy - photo 3

Sally Jessy Raphaels Red Eyeglass Series is a collaboration between Sally Jessy Raphael and Health Communications, Inc.

To
the Memory
of
Judalon Jeffries l957-2001

Who always found the sacred in the ordinary and
offered her gifts to so many.

And to the Miracles That Are Our Grandchildren:

Each child born is our reassurance
that the Creator still has faith in humankind.

Logan Alexander Middelton
Canaan Neil Middelton
Anastasia Sabine Mehengan Middelton
Jamie Sakohianiisaks Labelle Goodleaf
Sage Karakwinetha Labelle Goodleaf
Christopher Flannery
Ryan Flannery
Dakota Thomas Ivanoff
Lauren Kristine Youmans
Tess Nadine Youmans
William Stuart Youmans

A Message from Sally

Who among us has not been the victim of a bully? Whether it be the kid in elementary school who terrorizes all the other six-year-olds on the playground, the mid-level manager whose temper tantrums keep her staff constantly on edge, or the belligerent driver behind you who tailgates until you get out of his way, bullies are all around us all the time.

In twenty years of producing television shows about families and relationships, Ive come across every kind of bully you could think of. Ive seen bullies who at three years old had already gained control of the household, and Ive had teenagers appear on the show who were so angry and hostile that their own parents were afraid of them. Ive visited with grown women who were reduced to terrified children by their bullying boyfriends or husbands, and men whose every move was controlled by their domineering wives or girlfriends.

The worst, of course, was when we produced several shows about Columbine, and the terrible tragedy that took place there. As a country we were shocked and outraged that children, let alone children from good families, could have intentionally acted so violently. Years of torment had made something snap in these boys, who then took their misplaced aggression out on other children in the ultimate act of violence.

Sadly, Columbine is not the lone example of unchecked bullying behavior that has impacted our nations young people. I have aired many tragic stories of attempted suicide and domestic violence, all caused by bullying. Along with our exploration of what went wrong in these real-life stories, we have produced dozens of other shows on out of control teenagers. These youths were so unmanageable that their parents had desperately reached out to us for help. In an attempt to tame their children to the point they could listen to reason, we established our own Boot Camp, where the kids were exposed to ultra-strict discipline, intense exercise, prison-like accommodations and daily counseling sessions. We were attempting to find an answer and take steps toward solving this growing national problem.

We found, as did Jane Middelton-Moz and Mary Lee Zawadski, the authors of this important book, that at the core of many of our societys most disturbing issuesspousal abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, workplace harassment, uncontrollable teens and road rageis the bully. He or she doesnt confine his actions to an occasional taunt or misplaced criticism. Instead, bullying is a cruel and deliberate act of intimidation with the intent to gain power or control over another person. It leaves its victims with intense feelings of vulnerability, fear, shame and low self-esteem. Even worse, many ignore the bullying behavior and never take a stand. When allowed to continue on his or her destructive course, this person, so in pain and in need of counseling themselves, wreaks havoc on so many other lives.

We saw this, and looked for the answers that would fix the problem. We asked our viewers to call or e-mail us with their ideas. And call and write they did, but mostly with more heart-wrenching stories that confirmed for us that bullying was moving from a national problem to a national epidemic with tragic implications.

Statistics show the extent of the problem. The numbers are staggering:

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, one out of every four children will be bullied by another youth in school this month.

The American Association of School Psychologists reported that every day in America over 160,000 children miss school for fear of being bullied.

The Centers for Disease Control estimates that 81 percent of students surveyed admitted to bullying their classmates.

Studies indicate that two-thirds of the attackers in thirty-seven school shootings committed their crimes as revenge for constant persecution by their classmates.

Teasing, bullying and rejection tops the list of triggers in contemplated suicides.

This isnt just a problem confined to school-age children. Many adults have faced the sting of the bullys bite:

As many as 20 million Americans face workplace abuse on a daily basis.

An estimated 90 percent of the workforce suffers abuse from bosses sometime in their careers.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between ages fifteen and forty-four in the United States.

Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.

But were just a television show, and although Regis will tell us that you can usually get the right answer if you ask the audience, we came up cold: lots of stories and shocking statistics but no solutions.

Then I had the opportunity to read the manuscript for Bullies, and I knew that there was hope. Jane Middelton-Moz and Mary Lee Zawadski have taken important steps in defining the problem and finding interventions and solutions that work. They even offer us insight from the bullies themselves. They teach us how to stop the cycle of victimization, how to stand up for ourselves, and give us a blueprint for making our schools safe havens instead of a maze of metal detectors.

Every teacher, every parent and every counselor should read this important book. It should be in the library of every CEO and mid-level manager. For the first time, I am hopeful that we can help our children by learning to be better parents in the early years, better teachers in the school years, and better employers in the adult years. If we all take the time to read this groundbreaking book I am confident that we can and will get this terrible problem under control.

Sally Jessy Raphael

Preface

Jackie Robinson, professional baseballs first African-American player was met by taunts and jeers as he walked out onto Cincinnatis Crosley Field in l947. A teammate and one of baseballs icons of the day, Pee Wee Reese, was sickened by what he was hearing from the crowd. As recounted by his son, My father walked from his shortstop position and draped his arm around his teammate. The simple gesture not only stopped the racial razzing that day, but sent a profound message throughout baseball and the nation (Reese, 2001).

Its sad that Pee Wees message didnt inspire someone who went to school with an East Indian boy who eventually committed suicide to escape the pain of continual bullying from his classmates or the thousands like him who endure the pain of brutal emotional abuse by peers in schools, significant others in relationships, coworkers or bosses in the workplace or by those that just dont like the way another looks, walks or even prays. One young man wrote in a suicide note: Mom, after my death, go to the schools and talk with the kids. Tell them to stop bullying each other because it hurts deeply. Im taking my life to show how much (Moharib, 2000).

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