Morin - The erotic mind: unlocking the inner sources of sexual passion and fulfillment

Jack Morin

This book was produced in EPUB format by the Internet Archive.

The book pages were scanned and converted to EPUB format automatically. This process relies on optical character recognition, and is somewhat susceptible to errors. The book may not offer the correct reading sequence, and there may be weird characters, non-words, and incorrect guesses at structure. Some page numbers and headers or footers may remain from the scanned page. The process which identifies images might have found stray marks on the page which are not actually images from the book. The hidden page numbering which may be available to your ereader corresponds to the numbered pages in the print edition, but is not an exact match; page numbers will increment at the same rate as the corresponding print edition, but we may have started numbering before the print book's visible page numbers. The Internet Archive is working to improve the scanning process and resulting books, but in the meantime, we hope that this book will be useful to you.

The Internet Archive was founded in 1996 to build an Internet library and to promote universal access to all knowledge. The Archive's purposes include offering permanent access for researchers, historians, scholars, people with disabilities, and the general public to historical collections that exist in digital format. The Internet Archive includes texts, audio, moving images, and software as well as archived web pages, and provides specialized services for information access for the blind and other persons with disabilities.

Created with abbyy2epub (v.1.6.1)

Unlockingthe InnerSourcesof SexualPassionand

Fulfillment

Harper Perennial

A IMvton c^HjrperC'xJlim/WuAm

To the men and women who revealed theirerotic secrets so that others might be inspiredto explore their own

DEDICATION

INTRODUCTION SEX AND SELF-DISCOVERY

PART I: REALMS OF PASSION

1 PEAK EROTIC EXPERIENCES

2 THE EROTIC EQUATION

3 FOUR CORNERSTONES OF EROTICISM

4 EMOTIONAL APHRODISIACS

5 YOUR CORE EROTIC THEMEPART II: TROUBLESOME TURN-ONS

6 WHEN TURN-ONS TURN AGAINST YOU

7 SEX AND SELF-HATE

8 WINDS OF CHANGEPART III: POSITIVELY EROTIC

9 LONG-TERM EROTIC COUPLES

10 SIGNPOSTS TO EROTIC HEALTH

11 EROS FULFILLED

APPENDIX: THE SEXUAL EXCITEMENT SURVEY

NOTES

RECOMMENDED READINGS

BIBLIOGRAPHYSEARCHABLE TERMS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

COPYRIGHT

ABOUT THE PUBLISHER

INTRODUCTION

Appreciating the mysteries of eros requiresa new point of view.

Ever since the sensation caused by Alfred Kinseys monumental studies of sexualbehavior, we seem to have developed an insatiable appetite for this kind of information.Its not simply that were voyeuristic or enjoy being titillated and entertainedalthoughmost of us do. Many of us also crave reassurance that were sexually normal, hope toresolve sexual problems, or look for ways to enhance our enjoyment. Others arewondering how to keep the spark of passion alive in long-term relationships ormarriages.

Never before have so many had so many opportunities to learn so much about sex.And yet the most important aspects of the sexual-experience are the ones we know leastabout and are most reluctant to discuss. For example, we know far more about whichsexual acts people engage in, how often, and with whom, than we know about whatmakes some of these acts compelling. We are awash in facts and figures, yet relativelylittle has been written about what sex means for those involvedsuch as how it enrichestheir lives or helps them feel better about themselves.

The greatest gap of all exists between our extensive knowledge about the physiologyof sex and our relatively rudimentary awareness of the psychology of arousalhow ourminds create, intensify, or restrict sexual enthusiasm. Considering how important theseissues are for a satisfying sex life, our sketchy understanding here is nothing short oftragic. Sex therapist Bernie Zilbergeld puts it bluntly:

More than anything else, arousal is what drives good sex. It is the spark. It is alsothe cornerstone of a sexuality based on pleasure rather than on performance. Ifyou want more exciting and more satisfying sex, go for greater arousal.1

Almost everyone is aware that becoming aroused feels good. But how can we creategreater arousal when we know so little about it? Why are certain people, images, andsituations so much more stimulating than others? Why do individual preferences and

patterns vary so dramatically? Why are most of us attached to specific turn-ons? Andwhat do our turn-ons reveal about who we are and what were searching for?

These and other unanswered questions about arousal lie at the heart of this book. Tofurther our understanding we must broaden our interest beyond mere sex and explore theworld of eroticism. The erotic landscape is vastly larger, richer, and more intricate thanthe physiology of sex or any repertoire of sexual techniques. The more mechanical andexplicit aspects of sex are relatively easy to observe and translate into numbers andgraphs, whereas the most rewarding and powerful secrets of eroticism are elusive, highlyindividualistic, and difficult to quantify. To make sense of it we must cultivate a wholenew way of perceiving.

WHAT IS EROTICISM?

The modem concept of eroticism is rooted in Greek mythology. Eros was the youngand playful god of love, son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. At the mostbasic level Eros is the source of attraction and the craving for sexual love. Some Greekphilosophers also saw Eros as the force behind all creation, his absence leading to decayand destruction. Sigmund Freud was drawn to this interpretation, associating eroswhich he conceived as energy rather than a godwith his concept of libido, acombination of sexual drive and life force.

Eroticism can best be understood as the multifaceted process through which ourinnate capacity for arousal is shaped, focused, suppressed, and expressed. Were bornsensuous and sexual, but we become erotic as we receive both overt and subtle messagesabout ourselves from our primary caretakers and gradually integrate these messages withour experiences of touch, as well as the highly personal mental images and emotions thatgo with them. As we grow, the demands and ideals of our culture, along with theinterpersonal dynamics of our families and communities, influence our responsesprofoundly.

Eroticism is the process through which sex becomes meaningful. By the time wereach adulthood weve all discovered that, by itself, sex can be little more than acollection of urges and acts. But the erotic is intricately connected with our hopes,expectations, struggles, and anxietieseverything that makes us human. Whereas sexcan be simple, by its very nature eroticism is complex, and from this richness truepassions are born. It is also through the magic of eros that sex and our search foremotional closeness become intertwined.

Sexologist David Schnarch defines eroticism as the pursuit and delight in sexualpleasure.- This beautifully idealistic definition certainly describes those notablemoments when we are able to express and celebrate our erotic selves without restraint.But it leaves out the fact that eros is energized by the entire human drama, including theunruly impulses and painful lessons that no oneexcept those who retreat from lifecan possibly avoid. No wonder the erotic mind conjures up images of debauchery as wellas delight. Because it is connected with all aspects of existence, I define eroticism as theinterplay of sexual arousal with the challenges of living and loving.