Bechtle - I wish he had come with instructions: the womans guide to a mans brain

Talking into Thin Air

Youre driving somewhere with your man. Its about dinnertime and youve had a long, exhausting day. Youre thinking it would be nice to stop somewhere for dinner instead of having to go home and find the energy to prepare something (even if he helps).

So you say, Would you like to stop for dinner someplace?

He replies, Not really.

Based on the differences between how men and women tend to process information, you might be hurt by his response. Doesnt he care about how tough my day was? Why is he being so inconsiderate? Why does he get to decide what we do?

Its possible that your interpretation is accurate. Maybe he doesnt care and he is inconsiderate. But more likely he didnt realize what was behind your words. He heard a question asking his input, so he shared an honest response. Maybe hes equally exhausted and wants to retreat to the safety of home instead of fighting a crowded restaurant. Or maybe hes a little concerned about finances and feels like it would be better to save money.

You feel like he should understand what you need and want. He feels like he answered your question so there is no need to explain things. Same words, different interpretation. The rest of the evening can become tense because of unspoken expectations and emotions.

Its a language barriertwo people using the same words but not connecting. If we assume that the other person shares our exact meaning and understanding, were setting ourselves up for frustration.

Age or position doesnt matter:

Teenage girls begin dating without any understanding of how guys think. All they know is what they observe from experience. So they think they understand and wonder why its so challenging.

A new manager comes in and his actions seem to contradict what he says. But you cant challenge the boss, right? So all you can do is try to figure him out.

Newlyweds learn quickly that their new spouse doesnt fit the image they expected and wonder what happened after the ceremony ended.

Moms wonder why their sons are so radically different from their daughters and how to make sense of their perspectiveespecially during their teen years.

When you want to develop a new skill, you take courses, read books, or attend seminars to learn new perspectives. If you want to improve your communication skills with men, its worth the investment of time and energy to make it happen.

Its time to begin that journey.

Everybodys Different

Im a morning person. I generally wake up before sunrise, and Im fully awake within about five minutes. Give me a cup of coffee to start my day, and Im at my freshest. Im mentally at my best. By 9:00 at night I have trouble forming multisyllable words or walking upright. When my head hits the pillow, Im usually asleep in seconds.