Franklin - The truth about men: men, we can master our greatest struggle & women, heres everything you need to know

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An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2019 by DeVon Franklin

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Howard Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Howard Books hardcover edition February 2019

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Jacket design by Ella Laytham

Jacket photographs of Devon Alan Silfen/Only.Agency; Shutterstock (Back Jacket Marble)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-9821-0127-5

ISBN 978-1-9821-0129-9 (ebook)

To Love

Why must I feel that? Why must I chase the cat?

Nothing but the dog in me!

GEORGE CLINTON, ATOMIC DOG

I almost didnt write this book. While I was on the promotional tour for my previous book, The Hollywood Commandments , I decided I was going to take a break from writing for a while. I love writing, but I thought it was time to give it a breather and focus on other aspects of my career.

But then one conversation changed everything. Maria Shriver was interviewing me for her Facebook show Architects of Change as part of my tour. After the cameras stopped rolling, I was talking with her and her staff. This was in the fall of 2017, right around the time the news of Harvey Weinsteins sexual assault scandal broke. Inevitably, we started talking about this and I said to her, off the cuff, Ive always wanted to write a book called Are Men Really Dogs?

I went on to tell her why I believe men behave badlywhy so many men seem to chase after money and power and sex, no matter the costand started laying out solutions for how men can take responsibility for and correct the problem. I also started talking about what women need to know about whats really going on inside a man. Maria stopped me and said, You must write this book right now!

I told her no. I had just released a book and I was going to take a break. She persisted, and I said, Okay, Ill think about it. That was just my way of placating her, because I had no intention of taking on a topic as big and as potentially divisive as this one.

But I couldnt stop thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that I wanted nothing to do with this idea. Its dangerous to write a book about what men need to do better. First of all, most men dont like looking in the mirror (I know I dont), and this would be asking them to do just that. But not only that: taking on a topic like this would require me to examine my own manhood and discuss it honestly and transparently. I spend a lot of time talking to other people about having faith and facing their fears. Writing a book like this would challenge me to do the exact same thing; its not enough to tell others what to do if I dont do it myself. I have to walk it like I talk it, and I couldnt imagine too many things that would be more frightening. However, I felt compelled that this is what I must do, so I decided to face my fears and speak my truth.

In his song Against All Odds, the late Tupac Shakur, arguably one of the greatest rappers in history, spoke a famous line: This be the realest sh*t I ever wrote. That line resonates with me because it expresses exactly how I feel about this book. Of all the books Ive written, this is the most timely, relevant, urgent, and personal.

Im a Hollywood producer and a preacher, and people often ask me why men act the way they do. Those questions didnt start with the tsunami of sexual harassment allegations we started hearing about in the news in late 2017; however, they have intensified since the news about Harvey Weinstein sparked and encouraged legions of women to come forward about the way men have mistreated and/or abused them. I realized that in order to really uncover the issue and the root of mens behavior, I needed to start by looking at my own life and family history.

I was raised in Oakland, California, by my mother, my grandmother, and my grandmothers seven sistersmy great-aunts. Because I was raised predominantly by women and spent so much time with them, I saw firsthand the pain that the many men in their lives caused them, primarily due to infidelity. As a young kid I was so perplexed by this that I asked them, Can a man be faithful? They responded unanimously, saying, No. Ninety-nine percent of all men cheat.

What?! No way , I thought. I was devastated. It sounded like they were citing a fundamental law of the universe. Growing up, I heard (and still hear even now) the following refrain:

All men cheat.

Men cant be faithful.

Men cant keep it in their pants.

Men love power.

Men are greedy.

Men are dogs.

I became fascinated by the question Are men really dogs?

It was a personal question for me, because my father, Donald Ray Franklin, wasnt around much when my brothers and I were growing up. He struggled with alcoholism our entire lives, and when he was just thirty-six (I was nine at the time) he died of a heart attack. Years after his passing, when I was a teenager, I was at one of my cousins houses and found a photo of my dad sitting on a bed next to a female family member. My mother was sitting on the same bed, but on the opposite side. Strangely, my dad and this family member were smiling, while my mother looked distraught. I asked someone else in the family, Do you know why my mother looks so upset in this photo?

This person told me a truth that rocked me to my core, one Ive never expressed publicly until now: My dad had cheated on my mom with another woman in my family.

Damn .

How could this have happened? My own father cheated on my mother with another womanin my family?! I drew a quick conclusion: Maybe men really are dogs .

And if my father was one, I realized, that must make me one too.

This revelation threw me into disbelief. I decided I didnt want to become part of the ninety-nine percent. I didnt want to become a dog or act like one.

This revelation also sparked my quiet obsession with discovering the answer to two questions: What is going on inside men? and Is something wrong with us?