Jaxn - I Still Want It

I Still Want It SMASHWORDS EDITION PUBLISHED BY: Derrick Jaxn on Smashwords Copyright 2015 by Derrick Jaxn Smashwords Edition License Notes This ebook is licensed for your personalenjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away toother people. If you would like to share this book with anotherperson, please purchase an additional copy for each person youshare it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it,or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should returnto Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you forrespecting the author's work. realmen Proud lame Just give me a chance toget to you know you You amaze me If I could turn Don't give up Relationshipgoals Fair warning I promise you tonever I got it Tonight She's real Know better Time and a place If she's perfect I gottaconfession She's not theone It's notcomplicated Why more women don't givemore men a chance Submission It ain't worthit Twelve things she wishesyou understood Declined Shouldve, couldve,wouldve Whatever it cost Thank you He should First thingsfirst Moving on Too old Still deserve it Preface I want to fall in love again. realmen Proud lame Just give me a chance toget to you know you You amaze me If I could turn Don't give up Relationshipgoals Fair warning I promise you tonever I got it Tonight She's real Know better Time and a place If she's perfect I gottaconfession She's not theone It's notcomplicated Why more women don't givemore men a chance Submission It ain't worthit Twelve things she wishesyou understood Declined Shouldve, couldve,wouldve Whatever it cost Thank you He should First thingsfirst Moving on Too old Still deserve it Preface I want to fall in love again.

Thistime, without the fear of falling on my face. I want deepconversations without a fear of trusting too much and to holdwithout a fear of having to let go. I want someone I don't have towatch my back with, because we have each other. Effortless smilesand laughs until our cheeks are sore. I want to cuddle up on coldnights watching movies until those movies are watchingus. I want to make love, real love.The kind where youd better stretch, put your hair in a highponytail, and have water bottles nearby because nobody will be ableto walk to the fridge afterwards.

I want the climax to only be halftime, not the finish line. And I want conversation andcomplimenting each other on a job well-done, until we're ready formore. I want her to wake up because I'mtoo loud in the kitchen trying to surprise her with breakfast inbed. I want to see her put on my shirt because she can't find herclothes, and when she goes to comb her hair, I want to come up andhug her from behind. Whisper something funny in her ear and watchher laugh in the bathroom mirror as we admire how good we looktogether. People my age want to bea cute couple.

Id rather be a winning team. I Still Want It Everybody needs somebody to confide in Or maybe justlie back and chill with, and after a few minutes of silence Turn and ask what they were thinkingabout To see if you were on their mind. And chances are you would be, Because thats what best friends arelike. But I wanna be more than friends. I wanna do all the corny stuff Like going to the state fair And going broke on games trying to win her huge teddy bears. You know, because girls like that.

And if Im lucky, itll be too cold to not hold hands. Shell be happy either way because shes with me. Shell understand. And Ill listen to her. Ill write her poems to show her I did. When I mess up, Ill swallow my pride, apologize, And give her a soft forehead kiss.

Or maybe, wait til she goes to work, Fill her car up with her favoriteflowers. You know, a nice gesture to show her I care about her. Because I do. I meanI will. Ill treat her right. Like a queen.

I wont just treat her like a queen, Ill get on one knee And give her the crown too: an engagementring. YeahIm into that whole marriage thing. Not just the wedding, but the children, the fussing, The sleeping with no clothes on In case were having wet dreams we wanna turn into a reality Until were turning the alarm off All of it. I want that. I dont know if its outdated or not cool anymore but, I still want it. Nobody wants to spend their days trying tostop missing someone.

Im no exception. No superhero, although Ipretend to be sometimes. But deep down, I think we all cravesomeone who lets us take off our super cape and expose our humanflaws. Even after weve tried and tried and mistakenly thought wewere done for good. That part of us that wants the calm beforeevery other storm in our past to last for the rest of our lives; itlives on. In my youth, I set out to kill it.Promiscuity, lies, apathy; you name the weapon, I used itmercilessly but to absolutely no avail.

Painful lessons learned andsome scars thatll never heal molded a new faith in love. A faithmanifested by exposure to women who revealed to me the fullevolution of human beings in their strongest form. The amazingthing was that they didnt even realize it. God Hasnt ForgottenYou Pretty girl, big smile,bright future. Came across a guy whopromised to do everything but loseyou. Skeptical at first, butstill, you gave him a chance tobe different, but when your periodstopped it wasn't long before he, too, came upmissing.

But first, you broke thenews, and he tried to talk youinto an abortion. Telling you how he's notready to be a father, and how you had no rightto force him. How you were only tryingto trap him when really you tried totrust him. He put his name on whatwas in your pants but denied the life thatwas in your stomach. Fast forward... you'regrown now, but never forgot how thatfelt, So you refuse to abandonyour child even if you have nohelp, But the world's stillblaming you for that coward'sdecision.

Calling you a baby momma like having no help wereyour intentions. But you don't fit thestereotype of the ones they show onTV You're not out spendingchild support on expensiveweaves. Matter of fact, you'drather starve than see your child noteat. But society doesn't seethat or the nights you cryyourself to sleep Not because you "need aman" or that you're ready togive up, But because your childdeserves two parents while you're only capableof being one. Struggling to pay fordaycare but you need it to keep asteady job. Yet you get called baby momma drama for making a man take careof his own child.

While sometimes youwonder why nobody knows yourpain. I'm here to tell you,single mothers and superheroes are oneand the same. Keep your head up, yousurvived what few could have gottenthrough, And that alone is proofthat God hasn't forgottenyou. Loyalty. I think its oneof the most beautiful concepts in the world, but in the wrong handsit can be the most destructive effort there is. Especially forwomen who love hard, because the bigger your heart is, the more ofit there is to break.

And then you have people who come along withintentions of breaking every piece there is along with your trustand sanity. Somehow those assholes come find women who try to lovethem through their imperfections, and they ruin them forever. Theydont just come with baggage, they come with a wrecking ball, butthe woman theyve chosen remains loyal, revealing reality a fewminutes too late. Toomany good girls going hard for guys who deserve to beleft. The Rider She was a rider, never complained while he drove Just kept silent, even helped him keep his eyes on theroad, but then the mileage became too much for her to keep going. He kept switching lanes without knowing and was losing control.

So then she cried out, "If we need to pull over, just let me know. Forget a ticket, you keep this up and we ain't gon' make it home." He turned the radio louder, drowned out the tears of her soul, So she reached for her seatbelt just as they hit the consequences of his lifestyle head-on. She was a rider. The worst thing you canever do is walk into somebodys heart, make yourself at home, androb them of their trust the moment they let their guarddown. Technically Speaking She always seemed to get looked over, Hung out with a few dudes but not one would hold her. She was one of the homies who never was brought home, And if it wasnt for her cousinskindness, she wouldve went to prom alone.