Derrick Jaxn - Single Mothers are for Grown Men, ONLY!

Copyright 2017 Derrick Jackson All RightsReserved.

This book or any portion thereof may not bereproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the expresswritten permission of the publisher except for the use of briefquotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2017

ISBN: 978-0-9910336-6-9

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Single Father.

What comes to mind when you read that?Admiration? Nobility? Self-sacrifice? Maturity? Hero?

If that's true for you, then awesome. You andI are on the same page. If you're a single father, you're likelygiving so much more of yourself than you would if you had help fromthe mother of your child. Surely, you must make so many sacrificeson a day-to-day basis that few could conceive, much lessappreciate. Hospital visits, scaling back financially, being Santa,the Tooth Fairy, doctor, and a bodyguard all in one. Life would beso much less stressful if you were to defer your responsibilitiesto someone else or just half step on them, but instead, I'm willingto bet you'd rather die than see your child go without. You takethe emotional toll of having less help than you ask for whilealways giving more of yourself than you knew you had to give, withno thanks in return. But I'm thankful for you, and your child willbe, too, once he or she is old enough to understand. Keep going,I'm rooting for you.

Now, let's try this again.

Single Mother.

Did anything change when you read that?

Hopefully, not, but according to many people,social media comment sections, search engines, viral videos, andmainstream media, yes. A lot changes. "Dating a single mother islike playing someone else's saved game," said one largely cosignedsentiment in a comment section under a post I saw praising singlemothers. Even though a single mom is just as, if not even more soheroic than a single father, which I will explain why I believethat later, reducing her to a saved video game is a perception thatapparently many agree with. As cringe-worthy as that statement is,other expressions of the like don't trail far behind any mention ofthe topic. It's nothing short of hate speech, but allegedlywell-intentioned men and women tend to infect the dialogue with itevery time I've seen single motherhood mentioned, showing a moresevere diagnosis of themselves than anything. But where did it allcome from?

Why is it that the term "Single Father" is aterm of endearment while "Single Mother" is treated as a scarletletter? Why is it that the parent who did not run out on theirresponsibility is the one society indicts? Why is it that the womanwho underwent the physical pain of nine months of pregnancy, hoursof labor, changes to her body, roller coaster of emotions includinga possible battle with post-partum depression is the parent withthe target on her back? Normalized vitriol didn't just manifest outof thin air, but it's managed to stick around unflinchingly, evenwhen it is opposed by those with firsthand accounts both as theproducts of, or current heads of single-mother households.

As a social media influencer, I have a firmfinger on the pulse of society's conversation around everyhot-button topic from politics, to religion, celebrity scandal,social injustice; you name it. I can just about predict the flow ofthe majority's thought with them all; politics will turn into areality show that will be more about the best punch line on debatenight rather than who presented the best policy. Celebrity scandalsare more like auditions for a new TV show and sales pitch for moresocial media followers because that's what comes of "break babies"or offensive speech on someone's live chat that they later"apologize" for. But when it came to the subject of singlemotherhood, I was way off, particularly as it pertains to dating.Growing up in a single-parent household, I saw my mother displaythe type of strength you hear tall tales about while equipping myfour siblings and me to go out into the world and be the productivecitizens we grew into with our own respective families. None of ushave been to jail, strung out on drugs, or dropped out of highschool like the stigmas attached to what I thought was onlyreserved for the worst of single mothers. If nothing else, I wouldthink my mom and others like her would be considered the "good"ones, and from what I saw growing up, the good ones were all aroundwhile the rest were sprinkled here and there, mostly on the newsand exaggerated characters in movies.

However, tens of thousands of comments frompeople all over the world on some of my most viral videos aboutsingle mothers taught me that my understanding did not representwhat most think. According to the vocal majority, single mothersare defined by the actions of the one who left them with the soleparental responsibility regardless of the reason, which in turn,meant they're not to be romantically desired, loved, or committedto.

Self-proclaimed "good men" and women whoelected themselves to speak on behalf of the so-called good menthey thought they knew volunteered ignorance from every directionabout how single mothers deserved the absolute least from thedating scene. No, not just the "bad" ones, but all of them, or forthe ones with vain attempts to be unbiased, "most" single mothers.The blanket that covered a woman who was forced to do her best tosupplement for a second parent when it's already hard enough beingone, was so filled with filthy and disgusting generalizations you'dwonder if the problem people had with them was personal.

However, I'm usually not too emotionallyattached one way or the other when it comes to the responses to myposts. Years of seeing hate speech from anonymous troll accountsand my insatiable cravings for healthy debate numb me to thosethoughts expressed whether they agree with me or not. I do,however, moderate when needed to keep the conversation productive,but I prefer to let all perspectives be considered.

But on one particular video I uploaded,titled Single Mothers are for Grown Men...ONLY!, theconversation was far past what any moderation could fix. It wascompletely shattered into pieces. Not due to vulgarities orbickering between the commenters, but rather because of theharmonized fallacies in the objectifications to my stance that ittakes a certain level of maturity to be able to truly appreciate asingle mother, particularly when it came to dating her. Simpleenough, right?

Apparently not. Misdirected blame andunfounded malice surfaced quicker than you could blink, andrepeatedly so with every related video on the topic afterwards.That's when I realized that this is much bigger than just a socialmedia post or online conversation; this is the condition of ourculture.

Where there's smoke, there's fire, and someof the common threads were billowing with thick, suffocating smog.Among the pollution were firsthand accounts from single motherswho'd heard hurtful outside opinions like those expressed in thecomment section before, and the effect it had on their faith inboth love and humanity. Accounts of staying completely off thedating scene for frustration of getting hopes up and subsequentlylet down when the only agenda was sexual. One woman even stated shewas, "done defending her character even if it meant dying alone." Ican only imagine what it must feel like to equate the simple act ofdating to a war where you're constantly defending yourself, andthen being so exhausted that in order to simply not have to fight,you also have to surrender your hope of being loved. Thatpenetrated the emotionless shell I had developed, and motivated meto take this conversation to a new level, to fix it once and forall.