Smalley Deborah - Winning your wife back: a game plan for reconciling your marriage

Winning
Your
Wife
Back

Before Its Too Late

1999 by Gary Smalley

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

Scripture quotations noted NKJV are from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Scripture quotations noted NIV are from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted TLB are from The Living Bible, 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted PHILLIPS are from J. B. Phillips: THE NEW TESTAMENT IN ENGLISH, Revised Edition. J. B. Phillips 1958, 1960, 1972. Used by permission of Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc.

Scripture quotations noted NASB are from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977. Used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Smalley, Gary.
Winning your wife back : a game plan for reconciling your marriage / Gary Smalley, Greg Smalley, and Deborah Smalley.

p. cm.

Includes Bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7852-7045-4 (HC)
ISBN 978-0-7852-6028-8 (SC)
1.HusbandsReligious life. 2.MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. 3.ReconciliationReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Smalley, Greg. II. Smalley, Deborah. III. Title.

BV4528.2.S53 1999
248.8'44dc21

99-20326

Printed in the United States of America

09 10 11 12 13 QW 13 12 11 10 9

Contents

To Norma, who for thirty-four years has been my best friend, companion,lover, and encourager. Thank you for winning me back.Gary

To the three people who remind me daily of what matters most inmarriage and in life: Erin, Taylor and MadalynWith all my loveGreg

With profound gratitude these pages are dedicated to my awesomeparents, Frank and Audrey Smalley, whose 53-year marriage beautifullydemonstrates their strong commitment to God, their family,and each other.Deborah

This book represents the contributions of many people who struggle to better understand marriage and to help married couples. First and foremost, we acknowledge our friend, mentor, and colleague Dr. Gary Oliver, who has provided much wisdom and insight, both personally and professionally over the years.

We also deeply appreciate the talents and support of Terry Brown and the staff at Smalley Relationship Center. Thank you Jim and Suzette Brawner, Jimmy Funderburk, Roger Gibson, Sheila Green, Debbie Meyer, John Nettleton, Michael Smalley, Norma Smalley, Sheila Smethers, Lori Vanderpool, and Terri Woolsey.

We would like to express our deep sense of appreciation for the individuals and couples who have shared their lives and marital journey with us. We would like to thank them for allowing us to share their personal journey of marital reconciliation.

We thank Mike Hyatt for his enthusiasm in developing this project. We also thank Cindy Blades and the staff at Thomas Nelson for their support and expertise during this process.

Most important, we thank the Lord for his blessings and for making so many things plainly evident for our learning and growth.

The foundation of all relationships is honor. Fulfilling marriages must be built upon that foundation. All of us long for a strong and close-knit marriage that will last a lifetime. But often we have not applied the knowledge and the skills of how to honor or love our wives.

Some of you who read this book are ready to give up and start all over. We believe that there is hope. Changes do not happen overnight. It will take work and consistency. All great things in life require commitment and dedication.

We believe your wife is worthy of your complete dedication to love and honor her. No matter what your marriage scoreboard reads or how bad your marriage seems, you can make a decision to love her with all your heart and soul.

As you begin this book, ask God to create a clean heart that will honor and love your wife back into your life. God bless your journey!

Gary Smalley

Pregame...........
Warm-Up...........

Winning your wife back may seem like a long shot, but the game of life often provides us with examples brimming with hope.

In many minds the game was all but over. The fat lady hadnt started singing, but she was definitely warming up! On January 3, 1993, the NFLs Buffalo Bills and Houston Oilers were locked in a fierce battle of extreme importance. The winners would advance in the play-offs while the losers would be given plane tickets home and the season would be over.

Houston jumped out to an early283 half-time lead. The Oilers played an almost flawless first half, making the Bills look like an amateur team. It didnt look good for Buffalo, down by so many points. As the Bills regrouped in their locker room at half time, their coach, Marv Levy, no doubt reminded his team that the game wasnt over. He most likely urged them not to panic. Sure, changes needed to be madeand fast. The offense wasnt scoring, and the defense was allowing too much of it. In just minutes, the Bills locker room turned into a classroom, and everyone paid attention.

In this crash course, the players probably heard lectures like these:Lets identify our mistakes and make the necessary adjustments...Weve got to execute better in the second half... Remember what got us here!

Methodically and patiently, teams have come back from being touchdowns behind. But turning this game around would take nothing short of a miracle.

The Rout Continues...

The second half had barely begun when Houston intercepted a Buffalo pass and returned it for a touchdown. The scoreboard revealed a horrible sight for Buffalo fans: HOUSTON 35, BUFFALO 3. Fans booed. TVs clicked off. It was officially a rout.

Never before had an NFL team come back to win from a 32-point deficit. For those who decided to stay tuned, the very next possession saw Buffalo do something it hadnt been able to do all afternoonsustain a drive. Six minutes into the third quarter, the Bills marched the ball down the field for their first touchdown. The score was a little more respectable: HOUSTON 35, BUFFALO 10. The Bills quickly set up for an onside kick, and when the players were unstacked, Buffalo had possession! The momentum that had once belonged to Houston was making its way to the other sideline.

No Las Vegas oddsmaker could have predicted what happened next. In that historic third quarter, Buffalo scored four touchdowns in less than seven minutes, and the Bills went ahead3835! However, with twelve seconds left in the game, Houston tied the score on a 26-yard field goal. Unbelievably, the game headed into sudden-death overtime. The first team to score would win!

Houston won the coin toss, and it appeared that Buffalos valiant effort would fall short. But Houston quickly turned the ball over on another interception. Miraculously, three plays later, the Bills kicked the winning field goal and completed the single greatest come-from-behind victory in NFL history! Final score: BUFFALO 41, HOUSTON 38.