INTRODUCTION
Good sex with your partner can get even better. There are many ways men and women can both enjoy sex more and better. Just keep in mind that while there are some solid guidelines for improving your sex life, the best kept sex secrets are the ones waiting to be unearthed in your relationship. Ironically, some of the best sex secrets are those men and women keep from each other. To have good sex, you need to talk about your likes and dislikes.
Thousands of books, magazines, videos, and websites provide endless ideas about sexual foreplay, positions, and practices, but they tend to avoid the basic structural issues and downplay what would seem to be the ideal finale of sexual secret for both partners. There is an implicit assumption that lovers dont have that part figured out.
One of the most important things to do is to ask and to listen, "A lot of guys are terrified that some people may think they don't know all the answers. Also, some guys think they do know all the answers.
But do they? A widely reported indicator of sexual dissatisfaction, as many as 85 percent of women say they dont have orgasms during actual intercourse, has been showing up in research for years. Sexual secret starts with this statistic and addresses these basic questions.
Why do so many lovers have trouble talking about sex?
Can sexual passion be kept alive in long-term love relationships?
Whats going on when seemingly happy couples shy away from sex?
Why is sexual intercourse so often unfulfilling for women?
Are simultaneous orgasms feasibleor desirable?
Ill take these questions one after the other to emphasis more on it, and broaden our knowledge on sexual secret.
Is it possible for both partners to have orgasms when they make love?
A shared orgasm, where both partners climax together at the same time and enjoy a simultaneous orgasm, is arguably one of the greatest joys of sex, and yet surprisingly few straight couples manage to achieve this every time they have sex.
Having said that, most couples have achieved the holy orgasm grail at some point in their relationship, so we know it is doable. We reveal the tricks to achieving simultaneous orgasms:
The benefits of coming together
There are clear benefits to enjoying a simultaneous orgasm - it means that you can both share in that glorious sex afterglow at the same time, making sexual bonding even more intense. Studies have shown that sexual satisfaction can last up to 48-hours after the act and the stronger the 'after-glow', the better the relationship in the long-term.
Research by the sex toy company Lovehoney found that almost four out of 10 couples (37per cent) share orgasms at least half the time they have sex. In half of cases, one partner reaches their trigger point and waits for the other half to catch up, according to the survey of 4,400 people.
If you are struggling to enjoy a simultaneous orgasm with your partner, try these 6 tips to help you hit the high notes together:
1. Focus on your pelvic floor
For women, the key to climaxing is a strong pelvic floor muscle (kegels). The more toned your kegels are, the quicker and easier it is to climax (and the more intense those climaxes will be). In order to keep your kegels in peak condition you need to exercise them. Don't be confused by the names, including kegel balls, kegel toners, jiggle balls, Ben Wa balls or love balls. The list goes on, but they all do the same thing. They're all effectively weights for your vagina. The more toned your kegels are, the easier it is to climax and the more intense it will be.
Your kegel muscles will naturally grip around these balls to keep them inside you, giving them a jolly good workout. With regular practice and progress, you should begin noticing your orgasms becoming stronger and more easy to achieve.
2. Hit the right spot
Men can help their partner to orgasm by hitting the right spot during sex. The ultimate angle for sensational sex is 27 degrees - providing the most effective stimulation of the G-spot.
This sounds tricky but one way of achieving this is by using a position enhancer - designed to be able to comfortably support bodies in the throes of passion. Sex pillows like this help you to get into the optimum pose for pleasure, they also give you the support you need to maintain the position.
3. Focus on the clitoris
Did you know there are 12 types of female orgasm? And yes, it is possible to have them all. But the most common and easily achieved is the clitoral orgasm.
Masturbation should help you to work out what turns you on and what helps you to achieve clitoral orgasms. You can use these experiences to explain to your partner how best to help you achieve orgasm during full sex.
4. Stimulate the G-spot
This is a key way to enhance pleasure for the woman. A great product to try is a wearable vibrator which provides stimulation for the clitoris and the G-spot at the same time and can be worn during intercourse.
5. Lube up
Lubrication, or vaginal dryness, can be a massive barrier to orgasm for women. To make matters worse, the more abrasive play becomes, the less you'll naturally lubricate. It's a vicious circle. Knowing that everything is slip-slidingly good "down there" means you can mentally relax into the experience and not worry about discomfort or being wet enough.
6. Slow him down
Climaxing during intercourse is more difficult for women than men. Three-quarters of men (75 per cent) orgasm almost every time they have full sex compared to only 28 per cent of women, according to the Lovehoney survey. And 61 per cent of women said they sometimes found it difficult to orgasm during any sexual activity. Men climax more quickly than women, so one way of increasing your chances is to slow him down.
Why do so many lovers have trouble talking about sex?
Being able to talk about sex with your partner is important for sexual satisfaction. Research has found that couples who have strong sexual communication are actually more satisfied with their sex lives. Although many experts believe that a majority of marriages today are in distress because of financial reasons, problems with sex and sexuality rank high, too. It seems easier to talk to a stranger online than to your own partner. In fact, the topic of sex is the number one problem discussed in online relationship forums. These conversations can bring up a log of anxiety in you and cause you to avoid having them altogether. Know that there are some strategies to make these talks easier and you are likely to find it worth the effort.
The Right Time to Talk About Sex Problems
Pick a neutral location. Do not talk about sexual problems in your bedroom or at bedtime. Pick a more "neutral" location. Make sure the kids are not in earshot!
Avoid post-sex talks. Do not talk about sex right after having sex. Again, pick a more "neutral" time as well.
Do not blindside your spouse. If you want to talk about sexual problems, let your spouse know (without placing blame) that you think the two of you need to have a talk about your sexual intimacy. Set up a time to have the talk.
How to Talk About Sex Problems
There are some steps you can take to help make conversations about sex easier for both of you:
Start Slow
Have a "soft start" to the conversation. Begin with your goal to feel closer and connected with your spouse. Avoid blaming. Skip criticisms and focus on things you can both do to make your sex life more fulfilling.
Focus on Intimacy
Remember that affection and intimacy are just as important as the frequency of sex. 2 There are ways to build intimacy and feel more connected beyond intercourse, so be sure to talk about your needs for other types of affection as well.