Dr. Venus Nicolino - Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bullshit

Lets be real before you read any further:

The premise of this book is fucked.

This is a self-help book. The self in question is you, and the one doing the helping is me. Ive got some nerve, huh? Without ever knowing a single thing about you or even meeting you, Im going to give you tools and techniques to know yourself better, cope with whatever shit life throws at you, and get more out of being alive than you ever thought possible. Thats the fucked premise were going with here. And I gotta say... it sounds super dumb. But that dumb process and fucked premise arent unique to this book: Theyre the backbone of the entire self-help genre. Then what makes this book different? Why isnt this self-help book fucked and dumb? Because I didnt write it under the assumption that you are either fucked or dumb.

First off, you are now reading a self-help book called Bad Advice. That tells me youve got an edgy sense of humor and youre not into the usual saccharine, sanctimonious bullshit that passes for self-help. (I hate that shit, too. OMG we have so much in common already! Why arent we following each other on Insta!?) The fact that youre reading a self-help book tells me something else: You know that life aint always easy-peasey-lemon-squeezey. Life can sting, burn, and cut like a motherfucker. Pain comes in no shortage of flavorsheartbreak, loneliness, loss, disappointment, and frustration to name some of the Greatest Hits. Life can be scary. Its full of things that are unknown, out of your control, or both. Once youve gone through enough pain, you quickly discover that all that great, wise-sounding self-help advice doesnt help for shit. It doesnt help because its Bad Advice. It never helped you cope. It never eased your pain. It never truly inspired you. Ya know why? Because its not inspiration. Its bullshit. Its #BadAdvice. And because it never works, #BadAdvice never leaves you feeling better. At its root, all #BadAdvice operates off the same flawed theory: Emotions are optional. So when you feel bad, its not only your choice: Its your fault.

How do you know #BadAdvice when you hear it? Check out a few specimens of #BadAdvice I collected in the field. Like this one: You Cant Love Anyone Until You Love Yourself. Sure you can. Self-hate never stopped anyone from falling in love. Nobody Can Make You Feel Bad Without Your Permission. When was the exact moment you gave someone permission to hurt your feelings? (Hint: Never.) Expectations Lead to Disappointment. For fucks sake, THAT #BADADVICE IS A GODDAMN EXPECTATION. People create #BadAdvice when they confuse deep-sounding fluff with something wise and inspirational. I cant blame anyone for trying to get #BadAdvice to work. Easing pain is a natural, healthy instinct. The problem is, #BadAdvice doesnt ease your pain: It tries to deny your pain out of existence.

Still, you gotta do something when the emotional shit hits the situational fan. Its why you picked up this book. So huddle up: This very moment youre in right now, reading these words, marks the Beginning of Something Big for you. (Im stoked I can be here for it.) I know its the start of something big because again, youre seeking help from a book called Bad Advice. To me, that says that something at your core is already telling you those flowery phrases and the ideas behind them are bullshit. But theres actually some good in all that #BadAdvice, because it inspired you to seek out something better. Your search is what brought us together here, right now in this moment. From here we go on together. And you should know that Ive got your back.

Youre about to get a shitload of #GoodAdvice. When you finish this book, youll be ready to do more than get the most you can out of life: Youll be empowered to get the most you can out of you. Shit, lets get the most we can out of this book: Were not even all the way through the Introduction and I already have some #GoodAdvice for you, in the form of a question: What if you already have everything you need? What if the reason it feels like theres no way out of your problems is because you have your back to the exit? What if most of what this societyand by extension your teachers, friends, family, or even therapistshas told you about yourself isnt true? What if the culture you live in doesnt understand human emotions or how to engage them? What if everything youve learned about what it means to be happy and successful is wrong?

#GoodAdvice is not a prescription for pain-free living. Only #BadAdvice makes that impossible promise. But #GoodAdvice can help you tap into strengths, talents, and potential that are already within you, waiting to be discovered. My #GoodAdvice does not provide you with any Capital-A Answers to Lifes Big Questions. It wouldnt be #GoodAdvice if it did. When you act on #GoodAdvice, you are the one finding the answers to the Big Questions. Thats a big deal, because you are the only person in the world qualified to do that for yourself.

Im not gonna lie: Its inevitable that life will sometimes hurt and/or scare the shit out of you. But sometimes life is fucking flat-out fantastic. It can fill you with joy, laughter, and a gabillion other flavors of pleasure: Your favorite song. The Grand Canyon. Orgasms. Waking up in the morning. Holding/being held by the one you love. Netflix. And all you have to do is just be, and you automatically earn a lifetime front row seat to all of that. Your emotions are not your enemies. Theyre not useless. Theyre not obstacles. And they sure as shit arent meaningless. They are internal messengers we evolved to help us survive and interact with the world around us, and there is no opt-out feature. So what you need to do is learn the best way for you to opt in to all your emotionsgood, bad, and everywhere in between.

So even though I dont know you, I do know why youre reading this book. Youre reading this book because youre ready. Youre reading this book because you want to opt in. Youre reading this book because after searching for so, so long, youve finally found some #GoodAdvice.