Bennett Michael - F*ck love: one shrinks sensible advice for finding a lasting relationship

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Also by Michael I. Bennett, MD, and Sarah Bennett

F*ck Feelings

This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed in the publication. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering medical, health, or any other kind of personal professional services in the book. The reader should consult his or her medical, health or other competent professional before adopting any of the suggestions in this book or drawing inferences from it.

The author and publisher specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.

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Copyright 2017 by FXCK FEELINGS LLC

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Touchstone Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Touchstone hardcover edition February 2017

Cover Design by Jason Heuer

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Bennett, Michael, 1945- author. | Bennett, Sarah (Humorist), author.

Title: F*ck love : one shrinks sensible advice for finding a lasting relationship / Michael I. Bennett, MD and Sarah Bennett.

Other titles: Fuck love

Description: New York : Touchstone, [2017] | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016037442 (print) | LCCN 2016050552 (ebook) | ISBN 9781501140563 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781501140570 (eBook)

Subjects: LCSH: Man-woman relationships. | Couples--Psychology. | Sex (Psychology) | Interpersonal relations. | Interpersonal communication.

Classification: LCC HQ801 .B4727 2017 (print) | LCC HQ801 (ebook) | DDC 306.7--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016037442

ISBN 978-1-5011-4056-3

ISBN 978-1-5011-4057-0 (ebook)

Dedications

Both Bennetts: To Mona, wife and mother, co-creator of the truth behind this book and anchor of our lives for over forty years/-ever.

MB: To Peter Bleiberg, my brother-in-law and better-than-brother.

SB: To the man who wrote more wise words about loveromantic, brotherly, spiritual, and every kind of love in betweenthan almost anyone else in history. Prince, this book is dedicated 2 U.

Much print has been dedicated to the subject of romantic relationshipswhy theyre so hard to find, so difficult to maintain, so easily analogized to planets and petsbut the major source of trouble isnt that complicated. Too many people choose their partners based on excitement, lust, attraction, neediness... on feelings . Not surprisingly, as the authors of the book F*ck Feelings , we see that as a major problem.

While weve previously covered all manner of relationships, from voluntary (friendships, romantic partnerships) to involuntary (coworkers, neighbors, family, family, a thousand times family), this book is about searching for, maintaining, and surviving lasting romantic relationships.

Despite the (catchy, profane) title, F*ck Love isnt a manifesto that praises arranged marriages and claims that, due to her romcom filmography, Nancy Meyers is the Great Satan; its a practical guide to finding someone whom you wont feel crazy about just until the honeymoon is over, in a partnership you can feel good about for life. This book teaches you how to do a pragmatic assessment of what youre intoor really what you needso you dont obsess over whether hes into you and waste time on guys or gals who are easily described by airport bestsellers.

We dont tell you to reject love entirely, but to combine it with good management and a businesslike methodology. Put them together and youve got a fighting chance of either finding a good partner or at least not fucking up your life. This book might not help you find the person of your dreams, but it will provide you with the road map to avoiding the kind of nightmare relationships that probably caused you to buy books like this in the first place.

Before we can Sherpa you on your journey to the summit of Mt. Monogamy, however, lets break down exactly what we mean by a management/business approach, whom its designed to guide, how its best used, and, if used correctly, the kind of relationship you can expect to find at the end.

Our term of choice for significant otherwhether were referring to a boyfriend, husband, old lady in a common-law relationshipis partner, not just because its a good catchall, but because we believe that strong partnership is at the core of any solid relationship. Our hearts, pop songs, and Oprahs may tell us that relationships exist to end loneliness or find eternal love, but our minds, bank accounts, and books were reading at this second know that the real point of finding a mate is to have a good partner with whom you can build a good life.

Thats why we encourage you to stop seeing your search as the quest for a soul mate or for marital contentment and start looking at yourself as a corporate headhunter out to find someone with whom you can run the business of life better than you can do it on your own.

That doesnt mean we think you should wind up with a partner you can work with but dont really like, or that love doesnt figure anywhere into the equation, and that discussions about who will take out the garbage will require you to write four TPS reports. Love and trust are important, but love doesnt last if your partner cant be relied on to do his portion of the work, make smart decisions, or keep promises, and if he doesnt share your long-term goals, whether they be having kids or training show ferrets.

The stakes for keeping a marriage and business afloat are both sky-high; if you cant work with your partner to survive financial problems, stagnancy, and the sometimes-crippling annoyance caused by the other guys weaknesses and obnoxious habits, you risk the pain of bankruptcy, divorce, or personal ruin.

Thats why investing in a long-term partnership/relationship is about the most dangerous thing you will ever do in your lifebase jumping and relying on Bostons MBTA during a snowy winter includedand the business recruitment approach is the best way to screen out and avoid people who are bound to damage your life and break your heart, regardless of how desirable and exciting they seem in the short term.