Alex Langley - The Geek Handbook: Practical Skills and Advice for the Likeable Modern Geek

To Dad, for planning the heist.

To Katrina, for knocking out the guards.

To Nicholas, for snatching the loot.

And to Mom, for driving the getaway car.

First of all Id like to thank Dr. Andrea Letamendi, Manuel Yoro, Audrey Manning, KC Green, and Kimmie Britt for contributing their geeky experiences to the book.

Id also like to thank the North Branch Writers Critique Group for helping me sharpen my skills. Without you guys, Id still be angrily punching out sentence fragments at my keyboard like a chimpanzee driven berserk by a complicated math problem.

Thanks to the OC Remix community for giving me such amazing music to listen to while working on my many, many projects.

Thanks to my grandparents, who have always believed in and supported me, the rest of my family, and all of my great friends over the years whove helped keep me laughing and keep me going. You guys know who you are.

Thanks to the following guys who have inspired me to try to write, think, and be funny since a young age: Bill Murray, Weird Al Yankovic, Gary Larson, Bill Watterson, Joss Whedon, and Terry Pratchett.

The geek shall inherit the Earth.

Source unknown, but he or she was probably super cool.

I ve got news for you: the geeks have inherited the Earth. Just look around.

Geek is chic, its now, its it, baby. Every year, superhero films pull in billions upon billions of dollars. The video game industry annually rakes in around 40 billion dollars. Some of the top-rated television shows in recent history include one about a group of geeky physicists and engineers dealing with their hot blonde neighbor (The Big Bang Theory), another about people being lost on a time-traveling island (Lost), and a program about a doctor who travels through time and space kicking the ass of every evil alien hell-bent on conquering Earth (Dr. Who). Theres a reason geek culture is dominating pop culture right now: its freaking awesome!

But what about the time spent outside of geekiness, the space between the panels? For many, this non-geek time feels dreary, like traveling from a world of color back into a world of black and white; from gourmet meals to mouthfuls of sand; from floating peacefully in a river to getting creepy massages from Ramon, He Who Stares Too Much And Lives Down the Hall. Those are extreme examples, of course, but the point is that when geeks arent enveloped in the safety of the things they love is when things often become confusing, stilted even. However, it doesnt have to be that way. Theres a lot to life outside of watching TV, reading comic books, and playing video games, and this handbook is here to show you how great those other things can be.

So think of this handbook as two things: a handbook on going through your daily life with a geeky flair, as well as a celebration of all things geek. In some ways, this guidebook is the itgetsbetter.org of geek culture, filled with anecdotes from successful geeks from all walks of life to help closeted geeks know you should embrace who you are, because who you are is awesome. In other ways, its a guide to doing things our waythe geek way. Things like:

• Getting a job that wont make you feel like a mindless cog in the machine.
• How to take soul-sucking jobs and transmogrify them into something fun.
• Five warning signs your Roomba might secretly be plotting against you.
• Romance. To woo, or not to woo? That is the question.
• Basics on social interaction, both online and off, and how to troll like a gentleman (or gentlelady).
• Fashion. Just because you can wear socks with sandals doesnt mean you should.
• Making friends.
• Making dinner.
• Making babies.
• Geeky charities that give you a +1 to your Light Side score and a warm feeling in your tummy.
• The long, rich history of geekdom, extending all the way back to the first cave-geek in prehistoric times.
• Geek girls: tips on interacting with or becoming one of these burgeoning beauties.

Maybe youre a newbie geek living on your own for the first time. Or perhaps youre an experienced geek who desires some tips about hot human-on-human interaction. You could even be a geek-in-training who wants to learn a little bit more about the culture before joining it, in much the same way you should learn some Spanish before visiting Mexico, otherwise you may have to hurriedly mime bathroom to a Mexican gas station attendant while hoping to God your bowels dont burst. Regardless of your level of geekdom, weve got you covered. You see, theres a unique art to geekiness, and this book is here to exhibit that art with pride.

In the sweet spot, right there in the middle, is the tripartite synergy that creates the geek. The mixture of knowledge (about comic books, particle physics, or the works of Mozart), obsessiveness (theyll sit in front of a computer or a workbench for hours perfecting, building, or playing anything), and social skills (they actually get together with people for pen-and-paper RPGs or get in line with a bunch of friends to see the midnight showing of the next Star Trek movie), that makes a well-rounded, self-sustaining person of affable oddity.

Ken Denmead, engineer, author, and editor of Wired.coms GeekDad blog

Super Cave Man

Geek History: Its All Geek to Me

The kingdom of geeks is a land with a rich and colorful history dating all the way back to the beginning of time. Whenever a Trekkie taps the communicator on his Starfleet uniform, hes actually tapping into an ancient heritage that can be traced back to the dawn of civilization. Dont believe me? Check out this very real account of geeks throughout time.