Tim Collins - Are You a Geek?: 1,000 Ways to Find Out

ARE YOU A GEEK ?

A Delta Trade Paperback / September 2006

Published by

Bantam Dell

A Division of Random House, Inc.

New York, New York

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved

Copyright 2005 by Tim Collins

Photographs 2005 by Tim Collins

Cover design by Lynn Andreozzi

Book design adapted by Robert Bull

Delta is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Collins, Tim

Are you a geek? : 103 ways to find out / Tim Collins.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-0-385-34015-1

ISBN-10: 0-385-34015-X

1. Geeks (Computer enthusiasts)Humor. I. Title.

PN6231.E4C65 2006

004.0207dc22

2006040289

Ebook ISBN9780440336280

Published simultaneously in Canada

www.bantamdell.com

v4.1_r1

a

You always read the copyright pages of books

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Thanks to Collette Collins, Mike Hughes, Jim Derwent, Joe Cornish, Jake Lingwood, Claire Kingston, Emma Harrow, Julie Whelan, Rae Shirvington, Rachel Mills, Dan Newman, Alex Flint, Lawrence Hurley, Amanda Kolson Hurley, Holly Day, Danielle Perez and everyone at Ebury and Bantam Dell.

INTRODUCTION

Its difficult to say exactly when it happened.

Maybe it was when everyone started getting web access at home. Maybe it was when The Lord of the Rings went to number one at the box office. Maybe it was when iPods became a fashion accessory.

I dont know exactly when, but at some point over the past few years, we all became a bit geekier.

It became all right for people in their twenties and thirties to buy console games. It became all right for adults to read childrens books on trains. It became all right to email rather than phone.

But how do we know when weve gone too far with all of this?

How do we know when weve crossed the line from casual dabbler to genuine geek?

This book can help you find out.

Just check the boxes that apply to you as you read this book, add up your score, and fill out the appropriate certificate. Then cut it out and show it to your friends. If you have any.

If this book makes you realize that youre geekier than you thought, please dont try to hide it. Dont become one of those contact lens wearers who hide their consoles in drawers and sneak off to the bathroom for covert Tolkien breaks. Youll be much happier if you accept your true nature and come out of the geek closet right away.

Tim Collins

London, 2005

FAQS

Im already pretty sure that Im a geek.

Is it still worth taking this test?

Yes. In fact, if you think youve achieved an especially high score, email me at and Ill tell you where you rank. But cheats bewareI might come around to your house to check that youve answered each section honestly. Except the Sex section.

Im a girl. Can I take the test?

Yes. Im well aware that, contrary to popular myth, many geeks these days are female. So, to make things fair, Ive included a female version of the Sex section. Although you might have to stick to the male Sex section if youre a lesbian who has feelings about Gillian Anderson and Sarah Michelle Gellar.

I want to take the test but I dont want to deface my new book. What should I do?

The best thing to do is buy two copies of the bookone to use and one to keep in mint condition. However, if youre a proper geek, you probably do this with every book you buy.

Whats TARDIS an acronym for?

The FYI section at the back of the book should give you the answers to any such questions that occur while youre taking the test. FYI is an acronym for For Your Information, in case you didnt know. And FAQs stands for Frequently Asked Questions, in case you didnt even know that.

LIFESTYLE

You live on your own.	1 point
You live with your mum.	2 points
and youre over 30.	3 points
and she still makes your meals, wakes you up in the morning, and checks your appearance before you leave the house.	5 points
You cant eat without watching TV at the same time.	1 point
You cant go to the bathroom without taking something to read with you.	1 point
Youve got out of bed in the middle of the night because you couldnt resist checking your email.	2 points
While emptying your trash can, youve spotted litter that dated back more than 30 days.	1 point
If something goes wrong with your computer, you fix it right away, but if your washing machine breaks, you leave it for a while.	2 points
The last time you changed your sheets was over a month ago.