Karin Grace Wares - Finally!: A Decent Book about Sex for Teens & Twents

For all teens and twents out there who are

confused

frustrated

agitated

excited

upset

pissed off

riled up

about sex and could use a little help. To all who needed, need, and will need that support (which is all of us).

WARNING

If you are a parent, teacher, religious leader, doctor, lawyer, the President, or even if you're over twenty-five years old, put this book down . This is not for you. You are not to open it, peruse it, check out the back cover, the table of contents, or even how many pages there are. We don't care if you are interested in it and curious about what it says or just want to know about its authors. Keep your hands off it. This book is for teenagers and people a few years older only . You adults have all participated in producing and promoting the problems this book is trying to identify and fix (as best as possible). Stop reading other people's mail. The title of the book tells you who it's for. And that is most definitely not you. Go read the New York Times or listen to Fox News. Christ, go out to the movies or bowling or something. But leave this book alone. We're really trying to get something done here, and you are simply not invited to join in. If your kids decide to loan you their copy, that's their business. It's theirs to buy, read, throw out, or even lend to you. But it's absolutely not yours. It wasn't meant for you in any way, shape, or form. So keep your stinking hands off it.

Put it down.

Important Note

When we use I in this book, we mean we , both Karin and Steve. It's just easier to speak as I. There are a few exceptions when it's really just one of us (they're easy to pick out). But the vast majority of times I = we .

Also, when we use teens , we mean anyone from thirteen to twenty-five years old. It's too difficult to always say teens and twents ( twents are twenty to twenty-five-year-olds), so we decided to just use teens . The same is true when we use the word kids . This book was written for teens and twents, that large, varied group of thirteen to twenty-five-year-olds that basically feel uncomfortable and unsure about sex and sexuality (even if they're supposed to have it all together).

Finally, this age group cuts a very wide swath through the culture and society. At times, it is quite difficult to maneuver across that width when talking about sex and sexuality. For some of you, there will be portions of this book that are elementary and maybe even a little boring. For others, parts of it may be too complex on first reading. Please bear with me. It hasn't been easy writing something that addresses these topics for the whole bunch of you even though all sections are important for everyone, young and old.

You are on the front lines of the new sexual movement in America . What's in this book will help you find your way more easily and more joyfully. So just take a little time to go through this. It will be well worth your while, whether small parts are too simple or too tricky.

Introduction

This book is not a how-to or a step-by-step description of having sex. If you were hoping for that, I can most certainly understand why. Sex is such a messy thing, even though it's very simple. Simple, but not really easy. So a how-you-have-sex book is a fine idea. However, there are already a number of decent books, and websites, that go through the mechanics. But hey, once you understand the basics, the real story is in actually doing it. And by it , I'm not referring to penis-in-vagina intercourse (p.v.i.) alone. That activity is one of countless ones availablewhich is actually why I can't write a book about the step-by-step sequence, because there is no simple progression from point A to point Z (there may not even be a point Z to get to).

Sex is mostly about the exploration of sexual activity in all its forms, and this investigation looks different at different times for everyone. There's no one thing that sex is, and you can only really begin to get that once you start having sex and making that exploration. And that's where all the fun is, in the experimentation. So this isn't gonna be about the mechanics, the doings, of sex. I'll leave it up to people much more qualified and capable than I am to give you the specifics.

This book is designed to give you, the young adult, the two things that you need most: information and strength. The information part is simple. At your age, you couldn't possibly know all there is to know about sex and sexuality and, mostly, what's going on in the minds and hearts of the older adults in your environment. Those adults keep all the important information away from you, and this book will make it very clear why they do that. I'll also give out relevant bits and pieces of data about sex and sexuality along the way. The second thing I'll try to give you is the strength to go out and experiment sexually. And I'm going to do that by making the motivations of adults so transparent to you that you won't need to fear either how they're feeling or what you're doing. So whether you're straight or gay; bisexual or biracial; transgender, transvestite, or transcendental; Japanese, Jewish, or just a junkie; or any other machination of a human being, understand that this book can only go to support you in your exploration of sexuality in the most uninhibited and enjoyable ways that you feel comfortable doing.

In addition, hopefully this book will answer why you're so confused. Why your boyfriend seems completely out to lunch. Why your gaggle of BFFs seems to be coming out of left field with some of their ideas. Why your basketball buddies can't seem to wrap their heads around the simplest thoughts about sex. This book discusses what lies underneath all of this uncertainty.

Therefore, this book is about the underlying difficulties around sex in general. It's not about what opening is where but rather why do some openings have a certain importance or why do some acts seem to piss people off. This is about what sex really isand what's out there in the world that's fighting to keep you in the dark and why it's doing so. This book is about the fear that you come across as you try to understand and have sex. But it's not really about your fear. That fear and anxiousness is totally understandable and appropriate. How can you really feel comfortable doing something you know either nothing or very little about? You can't. So because those are totally natural responses, there isn't much to say about them except that as you have sexual experiences more and more, that uneasiness goes away. And in its place, there's excitement, longing, and lots of sweaty energy.

No, the fear I'm trying to talk to you about is what the adults around you are having. It's their fear that is putting up roadblocks to your sexual activity. It's their fear that's getting in your way. And that fear is almost totally unnatural . It's fear that comes from very deep places inside your parents, your teachers, your preachers, and nearly all the other adults you meet. And it's this fear that I want to expose for you so you can see it and recognize it for what it is and work to go around it (or through it). Why? Because when you see and understand their fear, you'll see that it has very little to do with you. And when you get that, I'm hoping you'll be able to find open, honest, healthy ways to express your sexuality and explore your individual likes and dislikes regarding sex. This will help you be much happier in your life and much more open to your own selves in ways that are hard for you to imagine right at the moment. And this kind of awareness about what's going on for you (both sexually and otherwise) will only help you live fuller, more complete lives. I mean, you're here now, so might as well experience life as much as you can, right? Awareness around sexuality will help you do just that.