Keith Malley - What Do We Do Now?: Keith and The Girls Smart Answers to Your Stupid Relationship Questions

The Keith and The Girl talk show has become one of the most popular and most downloaded comedy podcasts on the Internet by discussing life, pop culture, and, most notably for purposes of this book, relationships. Keith and Chemda utilize the unrestricted freedom that broadcasting over the Web gives them to do a show that is exactly what they want it to be: raw, funny, unique, totally unfiltered, and, most important, honest. When they talk about relationships, they talk about the problems, the hassles, the headaches, and every other way they can utterly and completely suck. They then offer their own brand of advice for listeners to fix all of these problems. Because if their relationship can work, then anybodys can.

What the fuck does that mean: If their relationship can work ?

No, we just meant that you two are always around each other. You live together, began your own company together, work together, and continue to grow your business by leaps and bounds: live audience shows around the world; you do stand-up comedy; Chemdas a singer-song writer; now youre authors. What we meant to say was, considering how much time you spend with each other, its amazing you can make it work. Its really a compliment.

Seemed a little negative, thats all.

Not at all. You keep a relationship going while managing your talk show and its following. Not bound by the rules of terrestrial or satellite radio, you guys openly say whatever you want five days a week. Youd think thered be some things misspoken that would cause you two to want to kill each other, but youre both only sticking together better. I think you both are just terrific, and I know your hordes of fans and the media do as well.

Okay, okay. Its our first book is all. Maybe Im a little nervous.

No reason to be.

Dear Reader, in What Do We Do Now?, Keith and Chemda are going to take the same approach that has made their show what it is (entirely one-of-a-kind) and apply it to a relationship book that actually lives up to the promise of being unique. Theyll take all the misconceptions about life and love and unflinchingly sit you down and spell it out.

Well literally spell it out. In words.

There are thousands of books on relationships

Why would you tell them that? How about there arent any other relationship books?

No, Im saying that these other books all have the same dopey advice. These books are cherry-flavored bullshit. If all these copycat guides are so brilliant, why are not only divorces and the amount of broken homes skyrocketing, but the married authors themselves separating?

John Gray much? Snap.

Oh, shit, snap.

Hey, baby! Whend you get here?

They just edited me in, I guess.

As I was saying, this is where Keith and The Girl come in. From marriage to exes to fidelity, they will cover every thought-provoking question about relationships sent in by their audience. They share personal stories about every chapter topicwhat they had to deal with and how they not only survived but prospered. You can jump from topic to topic (money, sex, affairs), question to question, or you can read from beginning to end. Sometimes Chemda and Keith agree completely on the answer; sometimes their styles, though theyre on the same page, differ a little, and you can pick whose advice works better for your personality and exact situation. Youll learn things such as: A man isnt always supposed to buy flowers when a woman is angry, and a woman isnt always supposed to be coy when shes interested in a guy. This book doesnt give Band-Aids to the everyday relationship problems. It gives you the answers and cures the poisons that every couple faces. Whether youre looking to fix a new relationship or a long-standing relationship, or even to avoid the pitfalls of dating and spot the early warning signs, this book is for you.

Wait, what if people are homosexual? Is this book for gay people, too?

Our market research shows that gays dont read.

Well they should, because it all still applies.

Alright, baby. Im ready if youre ready.

In three two

We recently found out that wealthy people are buying other human beings and keeping them as pets. That is to say that they are petting, feeding, and disciplining them as if they were a dog or cat. This bothers me for a couple of reasons. One is that clearly the rich have run out of ideas on how to spend their money and I should quit this job and start an agency helping people spend their cash for a small fee. The second thing that annoys me is that this is yet another thing that was left out by my guidance counselor on the list of things I can be when I grow up. Not that I want to be a pet, but it makes me think, what else did that woman not offer that could have really been my calling?