Lawrence Dorfman - The Snark Handbook: Clichés Edition: Overused Buzzwords, Hackneyed Phrases, and Other Misuses of the English Language

The Snark Handbook

Clichs Edition

Also by Lawrence Dorfman

The Snark Handbook:
A Reference Guide to Verbal Sparring

The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition:
Comebacks, Taunts, Retorts, and Affronteries

The Snark Handbook: Sex Edition:
Innuendo, Irony, and Ill-Advised Insults on Intimacy

Snark! The Herald Angels Sing:
Sarcasm, Bitterness, and the Holiday Season

The Snark Handbook: Politics & Government Edition: Gridlock, Red Tape, and Other Insults to We the People

The Cigar Lovers Compendium

The Snark Handbook

Clichs Edition

OVERUSED BUZZWORDS, HACKNEYED
PHRASES, AND OTHER MISUSES
OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

LAWRENCE DORFMAN

In collaboration with James Michael
Naccarato

Skyhorse Publishing

Copyright 2012 by Lawrence Dorfman

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

ISBN: 978-1-61608-635-0

Printed in China

CONTENTS

Introduction

Last, but not least, avoid clichs like the plague.

WILLIAM SAFIRE

Clich : noun

Etymology: French, literally, printers stereotype, from past participle of clich r to stereotype, of imitative origin

Date: 1892

1 : a trite phrase or expression; also : the idea expressed by it

2 : a hackneyed theme, characterization, or situation

3 : something that has become overly familiar or commonplace

4: Overused

I detest clichs with a passion. In the words of Stephen Frye, It is a clich that most clichs are true, but then like most clichs, that clich is untrue.

Clichs are like rationalizations.* Try going a week without using one... cant be done.

They are the hobgoblin of little minds. For many, they are the drug of choice. For most of us, once you begin to take notice, they are fingernails on a blackboard.

From Shakespeare (the undisputed King of the clich) to Shakira; in music, on television, at the movies... in the boardroom, on a conference call, online or in person (offline?), clichs have overtaken the world.

And while some might say theyre just misunderstood, they didnt start out that way. There was a time when they were new and vibrant. Once, they were clever and pithy. Now, theyre just predictable. Theyre a way to say something when theres a pause in the conversation. Some think its better than the popular use of the words like and you know... not a chance. Both affectations are annoying. The fall-back clich is just that... something to fall back on when your brain shuts down, your sense of humor is on vacation, and your tongue is fast asleep. Resist. Youll be better for it.

This book is a collection of many of the most overused ones. And after each one, a snark. A snide remark to point out to the user how trite he/she sounds.

Hopefully, itll make you laugh. Hopefully, itll make you think.

But, at the end of the day, the early bird catches the worm and slow and steady wins the race...

Kill me now.*

The Snark Handbook

Clichs Edition

Life and Death

I feel like a clich.

JONATHAN CARROLL

WHEN THE GOING GETS rough, people tend to fall back on the lifelines that clichs have become for them today. In this chapter, as we delve into Life and Death, Heaven and Hell, Good and Evil, Blood, Sweat, Tears... one can see where the quick fix of a fallback clich might be a hardy temptation... resist it... youll thank me later.

The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.

SALVADORE DALI

Bite the dust / Bite your lip / Bite the bullet / Bite your tongue come on, bite something already, anything.

Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to get out of clothing.

Time heals all wounds Bullshit. Drugs heal all wounds. Time does nothing except go by.

Blood money Always welcome at many of your finer establishments... otherwise Vegas would still be a desert.

Youve got blood on your hands Dont say anything until you see a lawyer.

I spent my blood, sweat, and tears and all I ever get is some schmuck singing about a dumbass spinning wheel.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust not to mention a few bone fragments, a ligament or two... all things visceral, Sherlock.

Youre gonna be dead meat but given the choice, thats a whole lot better than being a dead vegetable, no? I mean, wouldnt you much rather be a hearty steak than a limp and flaccid broccoli?

The only thing certain are death and taxes and Congress keeps trying to find ways to tax you long after youve died.

Hes gone, but not forgotten Well... not yet. Give it a few days. Its like swallowing a cherry stone... itll pass.

You cant take it with you so Im definitely going to spend every last dime I have before I go.

What a way to go As if theres a choice? Ill just wait for the next death to come around if you dont mind.

You only live once Not necessarily, Mr. Bond.

He was talking into his hat Right... and we have to live with it after he puts it back on his head and walks away scott free.

You throw filth on the living and flowers on the dead Always good to see a man with priorities.

Hes bad to the bone but always ready to party.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil Curious, nobody said a thing about Do No Evil. Must be okay. Go to town.

Im in seventh heaven Shootin a little high there, Sparky... settle for the first or the second heaven. Lower expectations will curb some of the disappointment.

Its as hot as hell What did you expect, the air conditioned wing? Move over Rasputin, and get a sweater.

Like a bat out of hell Must be some kinda baseball team, not just over the fence, but clear out of hell. Impressive.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea what are you talking about here, a friggin surfboard? Hang ten? That cant be right... Hangin cloven hooves? Bingo. Gnarly, Luci baby.