Josey Vogels - Better Sex in No Time: An Illustrated Guide for Busy Couples

BETTER SEX IN NO TIME

AN ILLUSTRATED GUIDE FOR BUSY COUPLES

JOSEY VOGELS
FOREWORD BY JENNY BLOCK

Better Sex in No Time
Copyright 2012, 2013, 2015 by Josey Vogels.
Photographs 2013, 2015 by Daniel Parker.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press, Inc.,
2246 Sixth Street, Berkeley, California 94710.

Printed in South Korea.
Cover design: Scott Idleman/Blink
Cover photograph: B2M Productions/Getty Images
Text design: Collins
Illustrations: Kveta/Three in a Box

First Edition.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBN: 978-1-62778-071-1
E-book ISBN: 978-1-62778-083-4

Better Sex in No Time was originally published in Canada by Collins, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

Part 4 was first published by Collins, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd., in 2012, in e-book form only, under the title 5Degrees Hotter in No Time.

The author gratefully acknowledges Good for Her in Toronto (goodforher.com) for generously providing the toys that appear in the appendix.

TO DANIEL
for making time

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

While you may not actually be able to make time, this book will help you discover the loopholethere is time for everything that is important to you. The only question iswhat is truly important?

If youre like me, love and sex are very high on your list. So you make sure there is time, because your very existence depends on it. Sadly, we dont always do that, perhaps feeling like sex shouldnt be (or doesnt need to be) a priority in our lives but it has to be.

Its an ugly analogy, but if you had cancer, you would make time for treatment. If you had a loved one who was dying, you would make time for their care. A dearth of love and sex may not seem life threatening. But to a relationship, they are.

A furtive glance across the table. A text that only the two of you will understand. A hand sweeping firmly across your collarbone. These are the kinds of gestures that we have forgotten about and the very same gestures that can open us and breathe new life into our romantic and sexual relationships.

Its no wonder our relationships and deep connections have gone awry. The world is simply too much with us these days. Its near impossible to think about love and romancelet alone sexwhen the project is late, the chicken is burnt and the house is wrecked. But if we let the mundane rob us of the sublime, we are lost.

The prospect of this may seem daunting. Perhaps you are in a relatively new partnership, and this seems like too much too soon. How could you do these things with someone you are just starting out with? Or maybe you are in a long-term relationship and this seems almost laughable. How could you do these things with someone who knows you cry at sappy commercials and wear your lucky boxers with Snoopy on them when you get nervous?

Thats the glory of this bookit meets you wherever you are and offers you bits, bites and portions that you can do right now. Literally. This minute. From seduction to spice and everything in between. From five seconds to an hour, to all night long. From the perfectly innocent to the deliciously deviant.

Its not rocket science. Its sex. Its romance. Its love. Its playing and teasing and reveling. Its pleasure, and you have a right and a responsibility to it. And your partner does, too. We have to commit to it as we commit to every other part of our well-being. It is no less vital. No less life affirming. No less sacred.

If it were in my power to change the Declaration of Independence, I would rewrite our forefathers words to include pleasure on that list of inherent and inalienable rights.

We are so wholly obsessed with sex, and yet we dont take it seriously. Not really. We let it slip and ebb, and we suffer for it.

You can make time. You have to, in fact. And this book will guide you as you do just that on your journey to discovering better sex in no time.

Jenny Block

Author of Open and O Wow!

ITS ABOUT TIME

You dont have enough time for sex. I get it. After a busy, stressful day of work, kids, meals, soccer practice, homework and identifying the source of the weird smell coming out of the fridge, its unrealistic to think youre going to fall into bed and suddenly want to make mad, passionate love. After all, you know you have to get up in a few hours and do it all over again (the work and kids stuff, that is, not the mad, passionate love stuff). Sleep feels like a luxury, so sex feels like something between a fond memory and a chore. But what if instead of being an afterthoughtsomething youll get to eventually once the rest of life gets out of the way or a task youre just too damn tired forsex became something you went out of your way to make time for, something you got excited about, something that was a reward rather than another item you never seem to get to on your to-do list? Wouldnt that be wonderful?

Stop for a second (youve got at least one free second, dont you?) and think about other things in your life that you go out of your way to make time for. Things you eagerly anticipate, that make you feel relaxed and calm, and that youre never too tired for. What about something like a pedicure? A lovely indulgence, no? Pedicures make you feel pampered, cared for and relaxed. Because you know this, you make time for them, schedule them and look forward to them. Are you ever too tired for a pedicure? Granted, sex can require a little more exertion than a pedicure, but do you see what I mean? The end result makes up for any prep work. And you, big guy, you may not like to relax with a nice facial or back waxing, but maybe you love to get out on the squash court once or twice a week. So you carve time out of your week by scheduling it. You make sure you have all the gear you need. You look forward to it. Squash requires a lot more energy then sex, but youre never too tired for it, are you? In fact, after a good, sweaty game of squash you probably feel more energized, relaxed and good about yourself, right?

In other words, no matter how busy or tired you are, you make time for the things you really want to do.

Remember when you were first dating? You wanted to have sex all the time. And you constantly wooed each other to get it. You planned dates. You did special things for each other. You made each other feel desirable, admired and cherished all the time because you wanted to have sex. You wanted to have sex all the time because it made you feel desirable, admired and cherished. See how that works? Pretty neat, huh? You want to have sex with your partner, so you put effort into making her feel sexy and, lo and behold, she wants to have sex with you, and then because she wants to keep having sex with you because you make her feel so sexy, she puts effort into making you feel sexy, which makes you want to keep having sex with her. It all kind of makes you feel sexy, doesnt it?