Ross Rosenberg - The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us

Ross Rosenbergs important work, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, challenges us to continue looking at relationship dynamics to see how our experiences affected us and will continue to affect others. Join this forward-looking movement by reading a book that draws on the discoveries of the past, but adds more wisdom combined with effective answers. Its both the next step in evolution and a revelation.

I recommend The Human Magnet Syndrome to those who work in social services, education, chemical dependency or the counseling fields and to the people they touch. Its time to wake up and this brilliant book sounds the alarm we need.

- Melody Beattie , author of 18 books, including best-selling Codependent No More and Language of Letting Go

Born in the cauldron of personal experience of suffering and healing, and honed through years of professional experience, this book will help anyone understand the attractors of love and consequent suffering. I recommend it to couples who are mystified by the depth and repetition of their pain and joy, and to therapists whose destiny is to help them.

- Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. , National Couples Counseling expert, speaker, and co-author with Helen LaKelly Hunt of Making Marriage Simple: Transform the Relationship You Have into the Relationship You Want

Rosenberg offers a much needed, accessible explanation about how love, sex and relationships can go awry and what each of us can do to become more empowered and engaged in our lifelong process of building community and family.

- Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S , author, psychotherapist, educator, sex and relationship disorders expert

Refreshingly intuitive and innovative, Rosenberg unravels the mystery of self-sabotaging relationship patterns. A must read.

- Randi Kreger , coauthor of best-selling Stop Walking on Eggshells and 3 other books on Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders, host of the on-line forum Welcome to Oz (www.BPDCentral.com), and Psychology Today blogger

Many couples have a give and take relationship. The takers will not read this book. The givers need to. For those who give too much, there is freedom in these pages. Clarity begins here. Learn why you are constantly frustrated no matter how much you give to your partner. Get this book and give yourself a gift.

- Peter Pearson, Ph.D . , co-founder of The Couples Institute

Ross A. Rosenberg , M.Ed. , LCPC , CADC , is an expert in the field of dysfunctional relationships, codependency and sex, love and Internet addictions, for which he provides comprehensive psychotherapy, training and consultation services. He is the owner of Clinical Care Consultants, a counseling center in the northern suburbs of Chicago. Since 1988, Ross has been an administrator, professional trainer and psychotherapist.

Rosss first book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us. draws on his 25 years of experience in the mental health, social service and/or child welfare fields. He also is a leading national seminar speaker and expert psychotherapist. By the end of 2013, Ross will have presented his current seminar, Emotional Manipulators & Codependents: Understanding the Attraction in 27 states. Ross is currently writing a follow-up book, which will be a guide for codependents who desire to be in healthy relationships.

Rosss psychotherapy services enable his clients to achieve balance, inner peace and feelings of personal efficacy. He believes that, within a warm and respectful therapeutic relationship lies the power to overcome seemingly overwhelming obstacles.

www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com

www.RossRosenbergTherapy.com

www.ClinicalCareConsultants.com

This book is dedicated to my wife, Korrel Rosenberg, the partner of my dreams: a collaborator in life and my best friend. It is because of our shared patience with each other and our never-ending optimism for our future, we both can say we finally got it right. I am truly blessed to have a wonderfully loving, supportive and understanding partner who believes in me as much as I do in her.

The book is also dedicated to my son, Benjamin Rosenberg, who has inspired me with a sense of purpose to be the type of father that I could be proud of. Bens confident and calm resolve to be his own person has convinced me that dysfunctional family generational patterns do not necessarily have to move forward.

I additionally dedicated this book to my deceased mother, Mikki Rosenberg. Her spirit of unconditional love and compassion forever lives in my heart and has imbued every page of this book.

Lastly, this book is dedicated to all of the courageous readers who are seeking true and healthy love, but need to first overcome their own painful and challenging psychological obstacles.

Copyright 2013 by Ross A. Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC

Published by

PESI Publishing & Media

3839 White Avenue

Eau Claire, WI 54702

Printed in the United States of America

Cover Design: Matt Pabich

Layout Design: Amy Rubenzer

Edited by: Marietta Whittlesey & Kayla Omtvedt

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photo copying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rosenberg, Ross A.

The human magnet syndrome: Why we love people who hurt us / by Ross A. Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC.

pages cm

ISBN-13: 978-1-936128-31-0 (pbk.)

ISBN-10: 1-936128-31-4 (pbk.)

1. Codependency. 2. Codependents--Rehabilitation. 3. Emotional conditioning. I. Title. II. Title: Why we love people who hurt us.

RC569.5.C63R67 2013

616.8581--dc23

2013004163

How have I gotten this far? Why after so many failed relationships did I finally meet a woman with whom I could share a stable, emotionally-intimate and mutually-loving relationship? To write this book, I knew I had to answer these seemingly impossible questions. I needed to reconcile why, at age 45, after so many failed relationships, I was finally able to experience a healthy long-term romantic relationship. Although it has been a long and emotionally exhausting journey for me, I am glad I never gave up on the ideal that one day I would find that one very special person with whom I could share healthy true love.

The hypotheses and theories included in this book have been marinating in my mind for well over two decades. It wasnt that long ago (November of 2010) when I told Korrel, my lovely wife, I was ready to write a book about dysfunctional relationships. Korrel naturally asked me for the details of my grand pronouncement. All I could say was it is in my head and its a perfect set of ideas. I went on to explain that it would represent elements of my whole life and career and had been occupying space in my mind for over 20 years. With an incredulous and confused look, she said, Really, a book in your head for that longhow does that work? I continued to confuse her with my next statement: The book will write itselfall I need to do is get myself in front of a computer and put my hands on a keyboard. Korrels next response warmed my heart: She smiled at me and told me how much she believed in me and that anything I write would indeed be perfect.