Seth Meyers with K. Gilbert - Dr. Seths Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve

Dr.Seths
Love
Prescription

Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome
and Find the Love You Deserve

SETH MEYERS, PSYD
withKATIE GILBERT

Introduction by #1New York TimesBestselling Author Susan Forward, PhD

Copyright 2011 by Seth Meyers
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any
form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are
made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by
Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-4405-0369-9
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0369-6
eISBN 10: 1-4405-0914-X
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0914-8

Printed in the United States of America.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Meyers, Seth.
Dr. Seth's love prescription / Seth Meyers, with Katie Gilbert.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-4405-0369-6
1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Single women Psychology. 3. Love.
I. Gilbert, Katie. II. Title.
HQ801.M547 2011
646.7'7 dc22
2010038486

The lists Helpless Core Beliefs and Unlovable Core Beliefs were previously published in Cognitive Therapy: Basics and Beyond, by Judith S. Beck, copyright 1995 by Guilford Press, ISBN 10: 0-89862-847-4; ISBN 13: 978-0-89862-847-0. Reprinted with permission of The Guilford Press.

This book is intended as general information only, and should not be used to diagnose or treat any health condition. In light of the complex, individual, and specific nature of health problems, this book is not intended to replace professional medical advice. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions in this book are intended to supplement, not replace, the advice of a trained medical professional. Consult your physician before adopting any of the suggestions in this book, as well as about any condition that may require diagnosis or medical attention. The author and publisher disclaim any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of this book.

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

This book is dedicated to you, the reader:May you find peace in love, and love that lasts.

Acknowledgments

I have many people to thank for their expertise, guidance, and support as I wrote this book. First, I would like to thank Dr. Susan Forward for her graciousness in having that first lunch with me, and ultimately inspiring me to put pen to paper and share my thoughts with readers. Dr. Forwards contribution is a true testament to her talent and compassion. I would also like to thank Katie Gilbert, whose insights and editing panache strengthened this book. Thanks to my editors, Paula Munier and Wendy Simard, whose careful eyes made this manuscript stronger. In addition, I want to thank my agent, Gina Panettieri, for delivering on all of her promises. Thanks to Brian, who truly taught me how to be a therapist, and to Dr. Shelley Goldklank, my graduate school mentor, who helped me understand human motivations and the complex matrix of personality. Thanks to Amanda Kane for her terrific contributions to my blog. On a more personal note, I want to thank my parents, who provided me with emotional support and wisdom throughout this process, my siblings for always making me think and laugh, and my friend JRu for helping me with my website over the years and for being an all-around good friend. Finally, I want to thank Misha, Leo, and Jonathan: I am forever grateful for what you give me.

Contents

Introduction

FOR CENTURIES, RELATIONSHIPS HAVE been the core struggle of most peoples lives. It is what motivates the majority of people to seek professional help and what causes some of our deepest pain. Yet far too many people attempt to handle these struggles by repeating the same patterns that have caused pain in the past. I have seen it many hundreds of times in my thirty-five years of practice and heard it hundreds of times when I was on ABC talk radio the old pattern of If it doesnt work, do more of the same.

Dr. Meyers has come up with a clear and illuminating name for this pattern. He calls it Relationship Repetition Syndrome, and he explores this multifaceted dilemma hand in hand with the reader in a no-nonsense, jargon-free style. Through examples drawn from his practice, he describes women who cant understand why their relationships never work out; who want love but continue to look for it with men who are not available for a stable, healthy relationship.

He paints a variety of vivid portraits of both actors in the drama, and provides many of the underlying causes that drive people to make self-defeating choices and repeat the same relationship behaviors as if they were hamsters on a wheel pedaling furiously but getting nowhere.

Most important, he charts an effective route out of the maze so you can truly break the cycle of unfulfilling relationships through his Prescription for Change, which involves insight, behavior change, and identity change. It is indeed, as he calls it, A Winning Formula.

I know, both as a woman and as a therapist, how difficult change is for all of us but if your relationships are one shipwreck after another, change is not only possible, but essential. After all, whats the alternative? We werent born with a curse on us to be unhappy, no matter how traumatic or difficult our previous experiences have been.

You might have some hard work to do and you might get discouraged at times being honest with yourself is never easy but hang in there. With Dr. Meyers compassionate guidance, you can find the love that you deserve.

Susan Forward, PhD
Westlake Village, California

PART I

Relationship RepetitionSyndrome 101

CHAPTER 1

Relationship Repetition Syndrome
What Is It and Who Has It?

AS SOON AS MEGAN crossed the threshold into my office and closed the door behind her, I knew it had happened again: Another relationship had ended. And, as her rounded shoulders and puffy eyes made clear, she was just as devastated as last time.

She lowered herself into a chair and stared blankly out the window behind me. Here I am again, said Megan. Im turning thirty next week, and all Ive got to show for my twenties are about a half-dozen failed relationships. She closed her eyes. Looking back on them now, I dont think I could even tell one from the other.

After a moment, I asked, So what happened, Megan?

She shook her head and pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt over her hands. I wondered whether she was trying to warm up or draw back from my question. Finally, she said softly, I really had myself convinced that Jay was different.

Even in her current post-breakup fog, you could easily tell that Megan was someone people were naturally drawn to and felt comfortable around. Her easy smile and big brown eyes were disarming and encouraged people to open up to her, even if they had just met her while passing through the small art gallery in downtown Los Angeles where she worked as a receptionist.