Praise for Why Mr Right Can't Find You...
'If you've been on the lookout for ages but still haven't foundThe One, this is for you... you?'ll be in the arms of your truelove in no time!' OK! Magazine
'... read this, sit back and wait for the offers to pour in'Cosmopolitan
'... really rather good' Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, The NaughtyGirl's Guide to Life
'Full of tips for finding the man of your dreams' Prima
'Practical, encouraging and... optimistic... Kearns gentlyundermines the conventions and insecurities that keep [women]from actively and effectively seeking a mate, including self-defeatingmyths ('Serious relationships never begin in bars') andmedia-inspired body-image issues... Personal anecdotes roundout this thorough, thoughtful and entirely upbeat dating guide'Publishers Weekly
'... should be required reading for every female' CBC News
Readers speak about J M Kearns' writing
'The book of hope. I followed its advice straight to a great newman I met, and now I'm happily married to him!' Olivia
'This book makes you look at relationships from a completelydifferent perspective. I approached someone through an avenue Ihad never thought of before (because Kearns helped me to seeopportunities, and empowered me to do something about it) andwe have been dating ever since' Lorraine
'Innately refreshing because it's honest, funny because it's true.Finally a guy comes clean' Gary
'I highly recommend [this book] for couples, not just singles,because it jump-starts those conversations and questions youneed to figure out before you get all emotional and sappy. We nowknow things about each other we'd never thought to ask ourselves.Oddly enough, after you figure out you really can be best friendsand great partners, all that dreamy love stuff is much deeper andmore rewarding' Marguerite
'J M Kearns helped me remember that men and women are on thesame side that someone was out there looking forme, and wantedme to find her. Since reading it, an amazing opportunity came myway, and I didn't blow it. Now we are dating seriously' Vincent
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ISBN 9781407026251
Version 1.0
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Published in 2009 by Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Publishing
Ebury Publishing is a Random House Group company
Copyright J M Kearns 2009
J M Kearns has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this Work in
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All stories, vignettes, anecdotes and characters are entirely fictional and createdby the author for illustrational purposes only.
Introduction
Some relationships are casual or convenient, and when they endit isn't too hard to shrug them off and move on. They don't lingerin the psyche and they don't have much effect on the future.
And then there's true love gone wrong, the subject of this book.That hurts you big time upfront, but it also casts a negative spellthat can mar your future relationships. Our goal will be to heal thathurt and break that spell.
Here is how the story goes. You fall deeply in love and it isreturned, and you invest yourself, heart and soul, in a life withsomeone, believing you have found the right partner. And then it allcrumbles to the ground. When that kind of love goes wrong, it canbe devastating. It feels as if a shadow has fallen across the world. Asif judgement day came and you were found wanting, and now lifeas you knew it is over. It's a lonely, marooned feeling. Despair seepsthrough you. Your heart bends in pain; your ego protests.
And the last thing you want to do is to examine the failedrelationship and the damage it has done to you. You want to just tossit into the bin. All that pain and sadness, anger, guilt, sheerhumiliation makes you want to turn away and try to hide from it.Drown it, deny it. Try to pretend it didn't happen or it doesn't matter.Stomp it under your muddy boot and trudge on under a dim sky.
So you do.
And then the months, or years, go by and you find yourself ina new relationship. And you notice little things happening, wordsand actions, that are strangely familiar.
You get together with a fabulous new leading man, but yourprevious relationship, neglected and dishonored, sits in the cheapseats revising the script trying to make it the same as the oldscript. So you have to deal with it after all; but the new play isalready in full swing and you need new lines to make the new lovestory work. You need a new character, a new self that won't takethe fall like last time, won't be typecast in the same old role.
Where are you to find that new approach that will get betterresults?
The answer I'm about to give will be the same, no matterwhere you are in the story I have just related:
- You may be still reeling from a break-up and nursing abroken heart.
- You may be further down the road, but with less of theoptimism you once had about romance.
- You may be even further on: you've started something witha new partner, but in the back of your mind is a shadow, afear that old patterns will repeat themselves.
Whichever situation you're in, the solution lies in what might seemlike the most unlikely place: the past.
That is because failed relationships don't just hurt us; they also dodamage. They impair our future ability to love and to live. And theyconsign us to a broken world, a world gone wrong, where our ownbest lights don't shine. They compromise our soul, making us thinkthat we, and others, are unworthy. They programme us for defeat.
You might think that if enough time has gone by, the past willhave lost its potency. But scarily enough, that isn't true. As soon asyou hit the road with a new relationship, look around and you'llfind the past grinning at you from the back seat.
That's the fascinating thing. Until dealt with, the past is alwaysfresh.
So what are we to do with this pesky past?
Well, it may seem trite, but the thing to do is face it down.
Like a monster in an old story, a failed relationship getsstronger and more terrible if you run from it, but if you turn andface it, it turns out to be not so scary and pretty soon it wants tomake peace with you. So the way to overcome it is to face it, sortit out, reverse the damage it did to you, shake off the bad lessonsit tried to teach you and find the good ones it's holding back.
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