James Williams - Dark Psychology: The Practical Uses and Best Defenses of Psychological Warfare in Everyday Life

Growing up, we lived next door to this vibrant lady who can only be described as the sweetheart of the neighborhood. It would seem like she always had a smile on her face and a kind word for everyone whether child or adult. I cannot remember a single encounter with her that was ever in the slightest bit unpleasant. And this was more than just a childhood impression of a person. The whole neighborhood felt the same way about her.

The only dark clouds I could see around her was the fact that she was alone. No kids, no boyfriends and not much family. She ran this tiny art and craft store that was pretty popular in the area and I think she seemed contented and happy with that. When my Nana passed on, she was one of the few neighbors who brought in food every day for more than a week. From that moment on, she was more than just a friendly neighbor. She became family.

Fast forward to 2 years later, we heard the news that she was getting married soon. My mom and her friends had tried to fix her with some of the locals, but nothing worked. So, news of her pending marriage was very welcome. We didn't know much about the suitor, only that he was fighting on the front lines and was madly in love with her. If it was possible for this sweet woman's smile to become brighter, it certainly did. I remember my mom using the expression, "walking on air" to describe her mood.

A month or two to the wedding, she put up a for sale sign on her store and her home. Said she and her fianc are working towards making a down payment for their new home and they wanted to make sure that things were put in place before the wedding date arrived. A week before the wedding the house and the store were sold. She wired the money to her fianc and redirected her focus to finalizing the wedding preparations.

My parents invited her to spend the days leading up to the wedding in our home. It was supposed to be our family's gift to her. To days to the wedding, her fianc called, and we all took turns speaking with him. He had a strange accent, but we didn't give it too much thought after she explained that he had spent more than a decade in the Middle East. Apart from the accent, he generally sounded like a good guy. The next day, she tried reaching him to find out his whereabouts, but she was unable to get through.

She started to worry, but my mom and dad reassured her and told her he was probably on a flight back to the country. She tried to find comfort in that but, you could tell that she was worried. Every time she tried to smile, she faltered. She clung desperately to the phone and each time it rang, she jumped in fright. By the morning of the wedding, there was still no call from him. What started out as a beautiful day was beginning to look like a nightmare.

My dad kept checking the local stations for any news on a missing flight or maybe a plane crash. Mom was doing all she could to stop the tears. By the time the day was over, the wedding didn't look any different from a funeral. The only thing missing was the dead body. Overnight, this thriving and much-loved businesswoman wound up broke, homeless and heartbroken. Her crime for the grim punishment was falling in love.

In the days following her no-show wedding, she had a psychological breakdown. She was committed to a psychiatric ward for a few months before she had to be moved to another state to live with a distant relative. I never saw her smile again.

As a kid, it was hard to fully understand what had happened. All I heard was that she was a victim of an online scam. But her story left an impression that followed me deep into my adult years. Online scams occur on different levels but fundamentally, the patterns are the same. The perpetrators lay a dark and intricate web of deceit that entraps their victims using all or most of the markers associated with dark psychology. They set the bait, and when the victim bites, they create a false sense of security. This allows them to further manipulate the victim into doing exactly what they want, before they go in for the kill.

Despite the reports and general awareness created about online scams, a lot of people still fall victims to these fraudsters every day. This got me thinking. It is not just online scams. We also see this in our everyday lives. People in dysfunctional relationships with partners who use them in the most obvious ways, but they continue to stay in those relationships because they seem to be under some kind of spell. We see kids make friends with people who influence them in terrible ways and despite the solid home training they have, they make the wrong choices over and over again. Their parents are helpless and baffled by the power that these so-called friends have over their kids.