Jackie Stavros - Conversations Worth Having

Sometimes the greatest adventure is simply a conversation.

Amadeus Wolfe

Conversations lie at the heart of how we interact. We are almost always engaged in either internal dialogue or external interaction. But how often are those conversations worth having? Weve heard from countless numbers of people who long for positive change in their lives, communities, and organizations and in the world. They are tired of meaningless interactions and conversations about change that are negative, drag everyone down, and zap energyand then nothing happens. They are weary of wasting time on conversations that focus on whats wrong, without producing any actionable results. They are frustrated with the destructive conversations broadcast nationally and globally that fray relationships, pit people against one another, and generate fear, distrust, and hopelessness. They long for meaningful engagement that builds connection, fuels productivity, and generates positive change.

This book is about those meaningful conversations. It tells how to have conversations that are productive while strengthening relationships and generating possibilities for a future that works for everyone. Conversations worth having energize people. They foster efficiency, fuel meaningful engagement, and generate creative possibilities. They matter because they inspire collaboration and cooperative action that has a positive impact for individuals, organizations, and communities. We believe that living into our potential begins with these kinds of conversations.

As authors, both of us are longtime practitioners of Appreciative Inquiry (AI), one of the most widely used approaches for fostering positive change in individuals, groups, and organizations. Our journey into AI began in the 1990s when we met David Cooperrider, cofounder of AI. At its core, AI is about discovering the best in people, organizations, and the communities around them. AI is grounded in the notion that we create each moment, and ultimately our social systems, through conversation and shared meaning-making. Appreciative Inquiry is the inspiration of our work as well as the foundation of this book, Conversations Worth Having.

In its pages, you will learn two simple AI practices, a strategy to support intentionality, and five powerful principles to make any conversation one worth having. We guide you to ask questions that can change the direction of any conversation, surfacing assumptions, creating shared understanding, building trust, and inspiring connection, new knowledge, and innovation. Rather than heading down a negative path, we show you how to frame conversations in ways that make people youre talking with want to engage and take action. Principles we lay out in the book will influence how you think about your experiences and challenges, helping you reflect on them more constructively and productively. And our technique for tuning in will allow you to be more mindful about whos driving your conversations, increasing your capacity to intentionally foster ones worth having.

We were inspired to write a second edition of the book for several reasons. First, more and more people have been using and sharing the practices from Conversations Worth Having. From the first year it was out, there was a request for training and certification in the practices. Since the book was first published in 2018, weve learned a lot about explaining the two AI practices, and we discovered an important factor for successtuning in.

In this second edition, each chapter is still built around real-life stories drawn from our personal and client relationships; some new stories have been added. Each story demonstrates practices and principles that were used to transform both conversations and outcomes. These include primarily applications in the business world, as well as several stories from the realms of education, community change, and family dynamics. Throughout the book, we have improved explanations and clarified concepts to make it easier for people to successfully apply the two practices. This includes clarifying generative questions and offering more examples of using the flipping technique to create a positive frame. At the end of the book, youll now find generative discussion questions to use for individual reflection (conversations with oneself) and team engagement.

In working with others to apply the practices, we realized a key factor in being successful is our ability to be intentional about our conversations. To support intentionality, we have added a new chapter on tuning in, which is a strategy for recognizing what might be driving our reactions and impacting our interactions. Our work with clients and trainers has taught us that to use these practices effectively, it is important to be aware of our body-mindset and how it is influencing our conversations and well-being. offers an evidence-based technique for tuning in to your body-mindset. This is a practical way to recognize whats influencing our perceptions, emotions, and thoughts.