EJ Divitt - Etiquette As I Learned It

By EJ Divitt

I was raised by an older father. Perhaps thatis why I grew up with an insistence on etiquette that does not seemso popular these days.

This is a list of etiquette rules as Ilearned them. It is not an expert list and can not possibly coverevery situation. It is intended to help you have an idea of how tohandle some common situations. Mostly it boils down to the specificprinciple that it takes very little time to treat others the way wewant to be treated ourselves.

I have tried to group things by topic toallow for easy searching for specific situations. For this reason,you may occasionally find the same advice in two places such asWedding Etiquette and Gifts.

Etiquette As I Learned It

By EJ Divitt

Smashwords edition

Copyright 2013 ej divitt

This ebook is licensed for your personalenjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away toother people. If you would like to share this book with anotherperson, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Ifyou are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was notpurchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy.Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Thank you Cards

You should never start a Thank you cardwith the words Thank you. I know it sounds strange but theproper etiquette is to never start with the words thank you. It isconsidered lazy. Instead you should take the time to personalizethe thank you card to the giver and the gift they gave you. Forinstance, talk about what you like about the gift or how you planto use it. Start with a proper salutationgo with Dear, not Hi andevery thank you card should contain a minimum of two sentences.

For example, not:

Dear Cousin Sally, Thank you for the bluesweater. Love Tanya

Instead use:

Dear Cousin Sally, Blue is my favorite colorso I cant wait to wear the beautiful sweater you gave me. Thankyou so much for thinking of me. Love Tanya

Now which one would you rather receive?

Even if the gift is not to your taste or notexactly what you wanted, find something nice to write about it forthe Thank you card or focus on thanking them for the thought.

I dont agree that a thank you card alwayshas to be hand written and mailed out. I see nothing wrong withtyping a thank you email for a birthday or casual gift as long asyou follow the rules. Make the subject line Thank you but followthe card writing rules for the text of the email. Remember youraudience though. Would your mother appreciate an email or is shethe type to prefer a hand written note? If so, stick with the handwritten note. The exception to this is wedding or baby showergifts. Shower presents (including weddings) always get handwrittencards.

You do not have a year to send out yourthank you cards. That etiquette rule came into affect whenletters were delivered by train or pony express. Do not wait morethan 2 to 4 weeks for ordinary gifts or more than 2 months on awedding present (that includes the shower) or a baby showergift.

There are two schools of thought on sendingout a large selection of thank you cards. The first is to do all ofthe cards and then mail them out all at once. The second is to sendthem as you finish each one. Both ways have drawbacks. The first,it means everyone is waiting for their thank you card. The second,people may compare notes and say, I got a lovely thank you card andUncle Jerry didnt get one at all.

I believe the best compromise is to send themin small batches. For instance, do all the thank you cards for onespouses immediate family and send them all at once. Then do thenext spouse and send them all together. This has the virtue ofgetting many of them out quicker and limiting the Charlie got hisbut I did not get mine comparisons.

If the gift is a wedding or baby present, orreally, any joint gift, do not hesitate to make your partner helpwith the Thank you cards. You are both involved and presumably willboth have the opportunity to enjoy the present. It is not onepersons responsibility to do it all.

Wedding invitations should be sent outabout two months in advance. Shower or anniversary invitationsshould be sent out 4 to 6 weeks in advance. There is no specificamount of time necessary for a dinner party or a house party.Generally written invitations should be sent out as soon aspossible to allow for time to RSVP.

RSVP comes from the French for respond ifyou please making it unnecessary to add please when asking thatsomeone RSVP. The please is implied. You may also use simply PleaseRespond or Regrets Only

Formal invitations such as weddings havespecific rules on how to address them. The invitation should beaddressed to whomever is invited. For instance, if the invitationsays simply Mr. John Smith then only John Smith is invited.If it says John Smith and guest, then John can bring someone aswell.

If Johns wife or fiancee is invited, theinvitation should read as such. For instance, Dr and Mrs JohnSmith or Mr. John Smith & Miss Jane Doe. If someoneis engaged, they should both always be listed on the envelope. Ifsomeone has been long involved with the same individual, thatpersons name should specifically belisted . To not list them by name is insulting. It impliesyou either could not be bothered to remember their name or that youare hoping that your dear friend John brings someone other thanthat Jane.

Each individual person should be listed. Youwould not abbreviate as The Smith Family. Instead, you would spellout the childrens names.

Dr & Mrs. John Smith,

Miss Angela Smith & Mr. Robert Smith

123 Main St

Anytown, Ohio

If the invitation is addressed only toyou, you are not being invited to bring a guest with you. Thisis often done as a way to save money by limiting the guest list. Itis usually the single amongst us who are asked to make thesacrifice of coming alone as the married or long term partners willbe included. If you are the one throwing the event or wedding, tryto limit asking them to come alone. Being single does not makesomeone any more inclined to sit by themselves.

If someone does not include a responsecard in an invitation, this does not mean you do not need toRSVP. It used to be accepted that any written invitation wouldbe met with a hand written response of yes or no. The inclusion ofa response card to save the guests the trouble is a fairly modernaddition.

Always respond as soon as you can andbefore the final date given. If someone does not respond, it isperfectly acceptable to call them and ask them if they plan toattend. You, as the host, need to plan menus and supplies.

Weddings are ripe with opportunities for pooretiquettefrom all sides. Many people have been involved with awedding only to find themselves servants to the bride. Almost everybride or groom has been the unwilling recipient of demands on whoshould be invited or how the wedding should be done.

Some basic rules:

You are not guaranteed a wedding giftbecause you invited someonetoyour wedding. Itis customary to bring a gift if they attend and in fact many peoplewill send something even if they can not attend but under nocircumstances do you get to ask someone where your gift is. Properetiquette is to assume you are not getting a gift and to begracious and thankful if you do.

A bridesmaid or a groomsman is not aservant. They presumably want to help and be part of your bigday or they would not have agreed to stand up with you but thatdoes not mean they are there to do whatever you want. Do anInternet search for crazy brides and you will probably find horrorstories of bridesmaids that found themselves with a list of demandson their time and wallet that went well beyond the reasonable.Remember these people are your friends and relatives; treat themhow you would want to be treated. Always say please and thank you;do not expect them to give up every weekend or travel hundreds ofmiles to attend your dress fitting. A bridesmaid should receive athank you card after the event letting them know that youappreciate them standing for you.