Eggerichs - Mother and son - the respect effect

Contents

1. Introduction: A Testimony
   

2016 Emerson Eggerichs

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by W Publishing Group, an imprint of Thomas Nelson.

Author is represented by the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920, www.alivecommunications.com.

Thomas Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible. 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scriptures marked CEV are taken from the Contemporary English Version. 1991, 1992, 1995 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scriptures marked THE MESSAGE and otherwise quoted as such are taken from The Message. by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scriptures marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scriptures marked GW are taken from Gods Word. 1995 Gods Word to the Nations. Used by permission of Baker Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

Scriptures marked KJV are taken from the King James Version. Public domain.

Names and facts from stories contained in this book have been changed, but the sentiments expressed are true as related to the author through personal conversations, letters, or e-mails. Permission has been granted for the use of real names, stories, and correspondence.

ISBN 978-0-7180-7958-1 (ITPE)

ISBN 978-0-7180-0597-9 (eBook)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Eggerichs, Emerson, author.

Title: Mother & son : the respect effect / Emerson Eggerichs, PhD.

Other titles: Mother and son

Description: Nashville, Tennessee : W Publishing Group, 2016.
| Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016001064 | ISBN 9780849948213
(hardcover : alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Mothers and sonsReligious aspectsChristianity.
| Mothers and sons. | Respect for persons.

Classification: LCC BV4529.18 .E35 2016 | DDC 248.8/431dc23 LC record
available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016001064

16 17 18 19 20 RRD 6 5 4 3 2 1

I dedicate this book to Sarah, my wife, who gave voice over the years to those who attended our Love and Respect Conference: Had I known earlier about the Respect Effect on sons, I would have been a far better mother to my sons.

Though as a mother she was twenty-five times better than I was as a father, the Respect message, nonetheless, deeply affected her, and she in turn affected our sons, who have voiced their appreciation. It worked!

I also dedicate this book to my mother, now in heaven, who always showed me respect, even into adulthood when I pastored a churchshe attended all four services each weekend! Sarah says, I think thats why you have endearingly and regularly said since 2001, I miss my mother.

CONTENTS

Introduction: A Testimony

A s Ive traveled the world over the last two decades, exploring the dynamic of healthy family relationships, one thing has become abundantly clear.

A boy needs his mothers respect.

Not only her love but also her respect. Thats the message of this book, and I believe that it will transform your relationship with your son in ways youve only dreamed about. It wont be because of my writing. In fact, Ill try hard not to get in the way. It will be because the principle is life-changing in its simplicity, and it cuts straight to the deepest part of a boys soul.

When it comes to respect between a mother and son, the point that most make is that a mother needs her sons respect. And to this point, I wholeheartedly agree. A boy does need to be respectful. In fact, I wrote a whole book about the need of a father and mother for the respect of their children, called Love & Respect in the Family. But its only half of the equation, especially when you move from the parents as one unit into the highly unique and beautiful relationship between a mother and her son.

I explored this relationship briefly in Parenting Pink and Blue, one of the chapters of Love & Respect in the Family. There, I briefly tell mothers that their blue sons need respect in the same way their pink daughters need dads love. Yes, sons and daughters equally need love and respect, but I show that the felt need during stress and conflict differs among males and females. Research bears this out. Males filter their world more through the respect grid.

Fascinatingly, moms zeroed in on this teaching immediately and began sending me hundreds of stories and testimonials surrounding this revelation. With great excitement, they applied respect talk to their sons, whether they were four or forty. Judging from the letters, many of which youll read in this book, they experienced astounding results.

Let me share one such testimony with you in this introduction to set the stage. This mother read the Parenting Pink and Blue chapter and applied it to her daily interactions with her son. Here is the Respect Effect.

She wrote:

I had finally concludedalthough I wasnt ready to completely believe itthat my seven-year-old son just had one of those moody, depressed personalities, and I had better just accept it, instead of wanting him to be happier. I should try to teach him to be grateful for all his blessings.

But after applying respect in the way you suggested, he changed. For example, he came up to me the other evening, with an unusually happy, calm demeanor, and said, I feel so happy, in the most contented, almost sentimental tone. This was profound for me! This was my child, who according to his consistent behavior since birth would have been labeled melancholy/choleric. He would often tell meand this breaks my heartthat he was sad and didnt know why. I would try to talk to him about things, work through things, and prayed for him and with him regularly. But he usually only seemed really happy when something exciting was going on, a trip to the zoo or if he went with me to visit friends, but then on the way home would say he was bored (I think he was just trying to express unhappiness).

When I began the respect principles, he seemed calmer, less frustrated, less internally agitated (my respect seemed to release his internal tension), and more loving.... He has been coming up to me, and instead of acting out for attention, he will hug me, look right into my eyes, smile the sweetest, happiest smile, and say, Youre the best mom in the world! Wow! Nothing quite that wonderful has ever happened between us before. Being respectful to him has triggered his affection for me.... [I am] seeing beautiful and meaningful results.

He has come up again recently and said, I dont know why, but Im so happy! And I thought, I know why, my little sweetheart. Because I have learned to show you the respect you didnt even know you were crying out for, that I didnt even know you needed. He has been far more calm and content. He has been more willing to mind and has had little or no talking back to me. His affection for me has increased greatly; he comes up to me throughout the day and hugs and kisses me. I am beginning to enjoy the rewards of parenting on a much deeper level. Its like we are friends now, instead of always in a power struggle.