Emerson Eggerichs - Love & respect : the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs

LOVE AND RESPECT

Copyright 2004 by Emerson Eggerichs.

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Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible (NASB), 1960, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation.

Other Scripture quotations are taken from the following sources:

The King James Version of the Bible (KJV). The New King James Version (NKJV), copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV) copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. New International Readers Version (NIRV) copyright 1996, 1998 by International Bible Society. All rights reserved worldwide. The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

Cover Design: Charles Brock, UDG/Design Works, Inc.

Cover Photo: Steve Gardner/pixelworksstudio.net and photos.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Eggerichs, Emerson.
Love and respect : the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs / by Emerson Eggerichs.
p. cm.
ISBN-10: 1-59145-187-6 (hardcover)
ISBN-13: 978-1-59145-187-7 (hardcover)
ISBN-10: 1-59145-417-4 (hardcover with DVD)
ISBN-13: 978-1-59145-417-5 (hardcover with DVD)
ISBN-10: 1-59145-246-5 (IE)
ISBN-13: 978-1-59145-246-1 (IE)

1. SpousesReligious life. 2. LoveReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. RespectReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4596.M3E34 2001
248.8'44dc22

2004013768

Printed in the United States of America
07 08 09 10 11 RRD 18 17 16 15 14

To Sarah, the love of my life
who has made the writing of this book so much easier.

Lord, Your Word calls a husband to
Enjoy life with the woman whom you love (Ecclesiastes 9:9).

I have since 1973.
I do right now.
I forever will.

CONTENTS

For their untold hours of editing and typing, my heartfelt thanks to my good friends, Fritz and Jackie Ridenour. Both are gifts of God to me. They grabbed the vision and would not let go, despite incredible deadline pressures. Without them, this book could not have been completed. They have brought me joy.

I am exceedingly grateful to God for the affirmation and support of our hometown friends in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I love and respect Dick and Betsy DeVos, Kevin and Meg Cusack, and Jim and Betty Buick. From the inception, they believed!

At a CEO event by Focus on the Family I met Michael Coleman, CEO of Integrity Media, and his lovely wife, Jeannie. Michael invited me to consider Integrity Publishers. I did, and more! To his outstanding staff, I salute you! Lets make a difference with this message.

That Focus on the Family is sponsoring the Love and Respect Marriage Conferences is such an encouragement. That they are putting their seal of approval on this book is so honoring. Thank you, Dr. Dobson and Don Hodel. With you, I am praying we reach young and old.

I am indebted to Sealy Yates, my agent-lawyer, and his office staff. The role he plays in dotting the Is and giving counsel is unquestionably treasured. Beyond that, his jolly laugh and smiling face bring cheer to each conversation.

To Erinn Swett, my assistant, thanks for competently handling the office while I was writing this book. I am grateful to God for your leadership and giftedness.

To the board of Love and Respect Ministries, I express my appreciation. You have made decisions that continue to advance this worthy cause. There is wisdom in many counselors. Your advice is invaluable.

I thank my children, Jonathan, David, and Joy, for standing with Mom and me. You have blessed us as we have watched you promote the Love and Respect message. Thanks for making this vision your vision. And to David, welcome aboard as a new staff person!

To my sister, I clap my hands in applause. Ann, you have helped me whenever and wherever. I am blessed! Thanks for finding me so many jokes!

My mom and dad are now in heaven. While on earth, both were a testimony to what God can do through two people who open their hearts to Him. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for looking beyond yourselves to God. Later in life, you chose to be faithful to the end.

I am beholden to you who have told me your personal stories of Love and Respect in marriage. Your testimonies will not only help others but have made this book very inviting. As a vice president at Integrity Publishers wrote, The testimonial letters throughout not only serve as insightful illustrations, but provide dramatic high points along the way. Captivating. Thank you.

Sarah and I will never know on this side of eternity the impact that is being made because of youour friendswho prayed for us. You know who you are. We humbly thank you. Remember us still.

In the movie Chariots of Fireabout the life of Eric Liddell, the Olympic runner who refused to race on Sundaysthe Bible is quoted: For those who honor Me I will honor (1 Samuel 2:30). Reader, I wish to acknowledge and honor God. This message on Love and Respect comes from His heart in Ephesians 5:33. This book would not exist if God had not graciously illumined me to His revelation. Though the application of these two truths is my frail attempt to serve you, the essential truths themselves will never changenot any more than God changes. Lord, I thank You most of all and forevermore.

INTRODUCTION
LOVE ALONE
IS NOT ENOUGH

Y ou may remember how the Beatles sang, All you need is love. I absolutely disagree with that conclusion. Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husbands need for respect. This book is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needsrespect. Here is the story of one couple who discovered the Love and Respect message just in time:

My husband and I attended your Love and Respect marriage conference. A few days before we had gotten into another Crazy Cycle and decided we had had enough and were going to end our marriage. We were both hurt, sad, angry, and despondent. By the way, we are both believers and I work on the staff of a large church.

We had been seeing a Christian marriage counselor and I can honestly say that your conference not only saved our marriage but actually helped us more and gave us more information and strategies than counseling ever did. We had decided to go as a last-ditch effort, but my husband really didnt believe it would help and almost didnt go. The truths God has revealed to you are both simple and profound.... They started a healing process and revolutionized our marriage. If only we had been given this information thirty years ago, what heartache and pain it would have saved us.

Let me just say, after the close on Saturday, we spent the best afternoon and evening with each other we have had in years. It was like we were in our twenties again and so in love. Emerson, I can honestly tell you, I never ever realized how important, how life-giving, respect was to my husband.