McBride - Will I ever be good enough?: healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers

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Praise for Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Readable book.... Provocative... recommended for psychology and mental health collections, where it may be useful for self-help and encouragement.... [A] guide to halting this insidious form of mental abuse and neglect.

Library Journal

McBride presents specific steps toward recovery that daughters of any age can use as they grieve for the love and support they didnt receive.... The author provides parenting tips as well as advice for maintaining healthy love relationships and friendships.... An excellent bibliography rounds out this revealing book, which ends on a hopeful and pragmatic note.

Publishers Weekly (starred review)

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? illuminates a very common and unnamed woundthe wound that results from growing up with a narcissistic mother. In this engaging book, Karyl McBride provides a clear, honest, and effective way to heal this wound and live life fully and joyfully.

Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause, and Womens Bodies, Womens Wisdom

Narcissistic mothers are always there when they need you. They expect to be the center of attention, and they can be cruel if they dont get what they want. Learning how to set boundaries with narcissistic mothers is a complex challenge. Dr. McBride offers a step-by-step approach to understanding narcissism, setting limits on the abuse, and recovering from the psychological damage. This book is a must-read for every woman living in the shadow of a domineering, self-focused parent.

Nanette Gartrell, M.D., author of My Answer Is NO... If Thats Okay with You: How Women Can Say NO and (Still) Feel Good About It

The long-term destructive consequences that narcissistic parents have for their children are well known. Until now, however, there has been little in the way of helpful advice for those who were raised by these parents. In this insightful new book, Dr. McBride presents a detailed examination of narcissistic mothers and the harmful effects on their daughters. She also offers practical, step-by-step guidance for working through these issues. This book is a terrific resource for those women raised by narcissistic mothers and looking for strategies for change.

W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., author of When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist at your convenience who really helps you heal self-doubt and self-rejection. Every page is milk and honey to your soul.

Tama J. Kieves, author of This Time I Dance! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love (How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All!)

Excellent clinical information about the effects of narcissistic mothers on their daughters, written clearly for all women struggling with this issue. The recovery section offers a rich variety of ideas and techniques to use in everyday life .

Linda Vaughan, M.A., Licensed Professional Counselor

Dr. McBride has broken new and exceptionally important ground in exploring a critical area in parenting. This book is must reading for both the professional and the layperson who want to understand and successfully address the lifelong and potentially devastating impact of narcissistic maternal child rearing. It is filled with useful information and recommendations presented in a readable form .

David N. Bolocofsky, J.D., Ph.D., family law attorney and former psychology professor

Dr. McBride does a beautiful job of describing the many faces of narcissism. I found this book extremely engaging and easy to read, and yet it is also highly informative, practical, and structured in its treatment approach. This is a must-read for anyone dealing with a loved one who is narcissistic .

Renee Richker, M.D., child and adolescent psychiatrist

[C]omes across with such richness and authenticity that this book should be on every family therapists shelf. It is written for the daughters, not for clinicians per se; however, both the daughters and their mental health professionals can benefit from the information presented in this volume.... Practical, insightful, and full of compassion, it is likely to help many women in ways that few other resources are able to do. [D]aughters of mothers with borderline, antisocial, and histrionic traits are likely to benefit from its caring, empathy, and practicality just as much as daughters of narcissistic mothers.... [T]his book is a gem... it truly helps the reader to reflect on her pain, as well as relish the hope that she can end the legacy of narcissism.

Farrah M. Hughes, Ph.D., for The Family Psychologist, newsletter of the Society for Family Psychology, division 43 of the American Psychological Association

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Copyright 2008 by Dr. Karyl McBride

Illustrated by Kitzmiller Design

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Atria Paperback edition April 2013

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Book design by Julie Schroeder

The Library of Congress has cataloged the Free Press hardcover edition as follows:

McBride, Karyl.

Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers/Karyl McBride.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

1. Narcissism. 2. Self-acceptance. 3. Mothers and daughtersPsychology. I. McBride, Karyl. II. Title.

RC553.N36W54 2008

616.85'854dc22 2008014676

ISBN 978-1-4165-5132-4

ISBN 978-1-4391-2943-2 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-4391-2323-2 (ebook)

The examples, anecdotes, and characters in this book are drawn from my clinical work, research, and life experience with real people and events. Names and some identifying features and details have been changed, and in some instances people or situations are composites.

Dedicated to five people who taught me the essence of unconditional love:

Nathan Scott

Meggan Marie

McKenzie Irene

Isabella Grace

Flora Teresa

For me, writing a book meant slamming into brick walls, climbing them, facing them again, climbing them yet againan Olympic-size mental workout. It has been stressful, but most importantly, a meaningful labor of love, and certainly a task one does not master in isolation. While a thank-you seems hardly enough, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to the special people who accompanied me on this trek of passion.