Jennifer L. Hartstein - Princess Recovery: A How-to Guide to Raising Strong, Empowered Girls Who Can Create Their Own Happily Ever Afters

A How-To Guide to Raising
Strong, Empowered Girls

Who Can Create Their Own
Happily Ever Afters

Jennifer L. Hartstein, PsyD

Psychologist and CBSs The Early Show Contributor

Copyright 2012 by Jennifer L. Hartstein

All rights reserved.

This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

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Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.

57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-4405-2795-4

ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-2795-1

eISBN 10: 1-4405-3183-8

eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-3183-5

This e-book edition: February 2012 (v.ep.1.2)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

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Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

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To all the heroines out there enjoy wearing your crown as you play in the mud.

The idea for this book was presented to me by my editor Victoria Sandbrook, who believed I could bring a great deal of insight to it. Despite some worry, I jumped at the opportunity to help parents raise strong, feisty girls and enjoyed every minute of my time working on it. I so appreciate the opportunity to have written it.

I could not have done this without the help of Jennifer Lawler, who guided me through the process and was an excellent teacher along the way.

There are lots of amazing women out there working on passing along this message to parents and their girls. I could not have wrapped my brain around this topic without their blogs, websites, and information. Be sure to check out: Melissa Wardys Pigtail PalsRedefine Girly; Dr. Jennifer Shewmakers Operation Transformation; and Hardy Girls Healthy Women, started by Lyn Mikel-Brown and Sharon Lamb. Their insights have been invaluable.

The incredible Lisa Marber-Rich has fought for me, backed me, and gotten me greater opportunities than I ever would have imagined. Who would have thought my little deal would have turned into this?

A special thanks goes out to my clients, who were patient and understanding of the time I needed to work on this book. You all enrich my lives in ways I could not possibly express, and I thank you for letting me be a part of your journey.

To Barbara and Joe, Alix, David, Sydney and Aaron: thank you for understanding that sometimes I just could not be around due to this commitment and for supporting me through it.

To Greg, Karen, and Sydney: your unwavering support and encouragement has gotten me through some of the times I just wanted to stop. And, a special thanks to Sydney for being the ultimate heroine.

My parents, Laura and Mike, have been the best examples of the lessons outlined in this book. They drove me from ballet to soccer as I changed in the back seat, and always encouraged me to chase the dreams I had, never putting limitations on anything I wanted to try. I would not be the woman I am today without their guidance and love. Thank you for all you have done, and continue to do for me.

To my husband, Mat. Thank you for believing that I could do this. Thank you for pushing me even when I pushed back. And, thank you for understanding when I had to stay up late working rather than hang out with you, then rubbing my back when I was so exhausted. I could not have done this without you. LUMM.

And, finally, to Hudson, whose wiggles and waggles made me smile every day.

INTRODUCTION
What Is Princess Syndrome?

CHAPTER 1
The Problematic Lessons
Your Daughter Learns

CHAPTER 2
The Princess Recovery Program

CHAPTER 3
Value Brains over Beauty
Princess Symptom:Appearances Are Everything
Heroine Value:Smarts Pay Off

CHAPTER 4
Banish Materialism
Princess Symptom:What You Have, Not What You Are
Heroine Value:Pursue Your Passions

CHAPTER 5
Earn Your Way
Princess Symptom:Entitlement
Heroine Value:Hard Work

CHAPTER 6
Prize Inner Beauty
Princess Symptom:Surface over Substance
Heroine Value:Being Who You Are

CHAPTER 7
Respect Others
Princess Symptom:Me-First
Heroine Value:Compassion and Consideration for Others

CHAPTER 8
Rescue Yourself
Princess Symptom:Rescue Me!
Heroine Value:Set HighBut RealisticExpectations

CHAPTER 9
Create a Stronger Self
Princess Symptom:Im only as Good as Others Think I Am
Heroine Value:Personal Empowerment

CHAPTER 10
Love Real PeopleWarts and All
Princess Symptom:Romance over Relationship
Heroine Value:Trust in Others

CONCLUSION
Living Happily Ever After

Though you wont find it in any medical textbook, millions of young girls are living with Princess Syndrome every day. A girl with Princess Syndrome is focused on the fairy-tale of life: playing only with the pretty toys and dresses, regarding herself as the center of the universe; obsessed with how she looks, even if shes only headed to the playground. Full-blown Princess Syndrome forces a girl to be too dependent on others, to spend all her allowance on cosmetics and clothes, to care only about the things money can buy, and to think only of herself.

Sometimes, princess play is just thatharmless play. After all, gorgeous castles, elaborate gowns, sparkly jewelry, romantic rescues, and happily-ever-afters have been favorite playtime topics of girls for generations! But when taken to an extremeand without positive messages to counteract itprincess play sucks little girls into a world where their self-worth is tied to their outward appearance, their happiness is based on the arrival of a prince who will love them, and their intelligence is something to be hidden rather than celebrated. And at a time when the medias influence is stronger than ever, girls are more repeatedly exposed to these rampant yet unhealthy messages than they were generations ago.