Praise for Intentional Parenting
As educators and Christians, we bring all of our natural strengths, God-given assets, and distinct personalities into the classroom. However, along with these gifts, we carry our wounds, insecurities, and fears. Our unique persona manifests itself in the way we teach and engage students and surfaces in our approach to the different situations we encounter in the context of schools. When we deepen our intimacy with Christ, He redeems our character flaws and insecurities, freeing us to be a truer version of the individual He intended us to be. This refinement enhances our impact on our students and strengthens our ability to speak into their lives in authentic and significant ways. Intentional Parenting fully captures this complexity through the context of parenting. We parent who we are. This book equips parents at all stages and provides them with a principle-centered approach to parenting that challenges them to be reflective and proactive as they invest spiritually, emotionally, and physically in their children.
N ATHANIEL H. M ORROW
A SSISTANT H EADMASTER AND H IGH S CHOOL P RINCIPA L
C HRIST P RESBYTERIAN A CADEMY , N ASHVILLE , T ENNESSEE
Each day I see parents attempting to complete a day filled with activities for their children. They plan each portion down to the very minute. Sadly, parents are not planning how they can be intentional in casting vision for their children and help launch them into the next season of their life. Our culture is in desperate need of a generation of parents who are willing to sacrifice in a redemptive way and be strategic and intentional in the lives of their children. David, Sissy, and Melissa have provided a great resource for those parents who want to know what it means to be an intentional parent and how that fleshes out on a daily basis. I highly recommend that you read this book, take it to heart, and put it to practice today.
B RAXTON B RADY
C HAPLAIN AND D IRECTOR OF B UILDING B OYS AND M AKING M EN
P RESBYTERIAN D AY S CHOOL , M EMPHIS , T ENNESSEE
Intentional Parenting is a breath of fresh air to the tired parent and an encouragement to the frustrated parent. Occasionally our parenting batteries need to be charged, and this book provides the right combination of helpful reminders and new ideas. It will be a welcome tool in the hands of any parent.
D AVE S TONE
P ASTOR AND A UTHOR OF THE F AITHFUL F AMILIES SERIES
Sissy, David, and Melissa have three of the finest reputations I know. Their impact on the lives of children and parents is truly unparalleled. As personal friends of mine, I cant think of three people whom Id rather have speak into my life, or the life of every child I know. The words in this book not only spring from decades of counseling experience, but also from a biblical premise which makes this a must-read for anyone with childrenor for those like me who simply love them.
K ELLY M INTER
S PEAKER AND A UTHO R OF N EHEMIAH : A H EART T HAT C AN B REAK
INTENTIONAL
PARENTING
2013 Sissy Goff, David Thomas, and Melissa Trevathan
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Thomas, David, 1970
Intentional parenting / David Thomas, Sissy Goff, and Melissa Trevathan.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8499-6454-1 (trade paper)
1. Parenting--Religious aspects--Christianity. 2. Parent and child--Religious aspects--Christianity. 3. Families--Religious life. I. Goff, Sissy, 1970- II. Trevathan, Melissa, 1950- III. Thomas, David, 1970- Being an intentional parent. IV. Title.
BV4526.3.T44 2013
248.845--dc23
2012041519
13 14 15 16 17 QG 5 4 3 2 1
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To all the kids and parents weve had
the opportunity to walk alongside.
Contents
I REALLY LIKE YOUR BOOK IDEA, BUT ID RATHER read about how to make my child be encouraging, balanced, and spiritual (rather than me). The father who said these words approached us at a recent parenting conference. He was asking about our newest book we were writing, which happens to be the one in your hands. And he was echoing what many parents would say in response to a book called Intentional Parenting.
Another man and his wife recently came to Daystar Counseling Ministries, where we all work, for what we call a parent consultation. (Parent consultations are for parents who have questions or concerns but arent necessarily sure their children need to come in for counseling.) He and his wife sat down, looking more than a little weary.
Our ten-year-old daughter is what you might call challenging. She yells anytime we say no. She wants her way constantly and will fight until the walls are falling in to get it. Weve taken her to two counselors and one occupational therapist. But, today, its just us. I really think that weve just been trying to outsource our parenting. We wanted someone who would fix her and then hand her back. But Im starting to think maybe we need help too. I know I get to the end of my rope and become angrier than I should with her. Im thinking that if we could learn to be better parents, she wouldnt feel the need to act out as much at home.
The second father is the kind of parent were seeing more and more in our offices. Hes a father who is aware of his daughters struggles but knows that they dont exist in a vacuum. He knows hes a part of the problem too. And he can be a part of the solutionmaybe even one of the most important parts.
We recently tried to do the math. The three of us have been counseling more than seventy-five years combined. But David and Sissy always like to point out that most of those years are Melissas. Shes our boss. She started Daystar in 1985, after years working as a youth director and the head of spiritual life at a school in Nashville. David has been the director of boys counseling at Daystar since 1995, and Sissys been the director of girls counseling since 1993.