D.L. Green - Zeke Meeks Vs the Gruesome Girls

My sister was killing me. She wasnt shooting me, stabbing me, or poisoning me. But she was doing something almost as bad: She was hogging the TV. I wanted to watch a great show called Fight, Fight, Fight. But Mom said I had to wait for Mias show to end.

Mia was watching Princess Sing-Along. Its the worst TV show ever, starring the worst princess ever, singing the worst songs ever. Yuck.

And Mia wasnt just watching the show. She was also screeching the songs out loudreally, really loud. She screeched, When others are around, la la la, keep your noise level down, la la la.

Listen to Princess Sing-Along, I told Mia.

What? she asked. Then she kept singing.

Listen to Princess Sing-Along! I shouted over Mias screeching.

I am listening to her, Mia said.

Princess Sing-Along is telling you to keep the noise level down when others are around, I said.

Yeah, I know! Mia shouted. Then she screeched even louder, When others are around, la la la, keep your noise level down, la la la.

Im around. So keep your noise level down, I said.

Mia shook her head. You dont count, Zeke. Youre my brother. Then she sang even louder, When others are around, la la la, keep your noise level down, la la la.

I cant stand the Princess Sing-Along show! I cant stand the princess! I cant stand the songs! And I really cant stand when you sing along with them! I screamed.

Our mother ran into the room. She said, Ezekiel Heathcliff Meeks, keep your noise level down. Youre being much too loud.

I said, Mia was the one who

I heard you screaming, Zeke, my older sister, Alexa, interrupted me. She had come into the room with our dog, Waggles.

Waggles is a boy dog. But he was dressed like a girl dog. He wore a bright pink sweater around his big belly. He had a matching bright pink scarf around his neck. Waggles looks girly, I complained.

I put together a new outfit for him. Doesnt he look great? Alexa said.

Girly is great! Mia said. Then she sang another Princess Sing-Along song. Hearts and lace and flowers, la la la. Celebrate girl power, la la la.

With Dad gone, theres too much girl power in this house, I said. I really missed my dad. Hes a soldier. He was away on a top-secret mission.

Alexa patted my head. She said, I know just the thing to cheer you up, Zeke. You should go to the mall. Try on some cute shoes. Look at the newest fashions. Shopping always makes me feel better.

Yuck. Thats a girl thing. That wont cheer me up, I said.

I know how to cheer you up. Well have a tea party, Mia said.

Thats a girl thing too, I said. I wished I had some guys around. I used to play a lot with my neighbor, Cole Kennedy. Cole was really funny. He liked to stick mini marshmallows up his nose and then eat them. He could make loud, stinky farts whenever he wanted. But he moved away last week.

The only other boy in the neighborhood was Hunter Down. He was older and much bigger than me. And he was a horrible bully.

Zeke, I can cheer you up, Mom said.

I sighed. Mom was probably going to suggest a girly thing too, like going to the beauty salon for a lovely new haircut.

Mom said, I can cheer you up with good news. Were getting new neighbors. A family is moving into Cole Kennedys old house tomorrow. I heard they have a kid your age named Charlie.

That is good news, I said.

And I have more good news, Mom said. In a few days, your dad will be home from his top-secret mission.

That is great news! I exclaimed.

Also, its supposed to start snowing tonight. Maybe it will snow so hard that the schools will be closed tomorrow for a snow day, Alexa said.

Canceling school is always good news, I said.

It started snowing that night. I tried to do everything I could to get my school closed for a snow day tomorrow. My best friend, Hector Cruz, said that brushing your teeth with your left hand leads to a snow day.

Mom almost fell over from shock when she saw me brushing my teeth. I never brushed my teeth unless Mom reminded me, ordered me, or yelled at me. Often she had to remind me, order me, and yell at me. But that night, I brushed my teeth on my own.

My classmate Owen Leach thought the best way to get a snow day was to wear pajamas inside-out and backward. So I put on my pajamas without Moms reminder, order, or yell.

That shocked Mom so much that she really did fall over.

Then I tried something my old neighbor Cole used to do to get a snow day. I put six ice cubes into a bowl. Then I put the bowl on the kitchen floor and danced around it.

My sister Alexa walked into the kitchen. She took one look at me and said,

I said, Im doing a special dance to get a snow day at my school.

Thats dorky, Alexa said. Also, your pajamas are inside-out and backwards. They look dorky, too.

I stuck out my tongue at her.

Sticking out your tongue is dorky, too. Also, its gross, she said.

I grabbed the bowl of ice cubes, walked into the bathroom, and flushed the ice cubes down the toilet. My friend Danny Ford said that flushing ice cubes down the toilet was the best way to get a snow day.

My sister Mia stood outside the bathroom door. She screeched a Princess Sing-Along song. Dont waste good water from the sea, la la la. Flush toilets just for poo and pee, la la la.

I closed the bathroom door and shouted, Mind your own business!

She shouted back, Toilets are my business!

Then Mom shouted, Zeke, dont shout! And its bedtime.

I shouted, Mia was shouting, too.

Mom said, Mias just a little girl. You should know better.

I was so tired of my mom and sisters. I couldnt wait until my dad came home.

I went to the kitchen, took out a spoon, and licked it. Then I went to my room and put the spoon under my pillow. Rudy Morse had said that was sure to bring about a snow day.

I had great dreams that night. First I dreamed that my school was closed for snow days all week long.

Then I dreamed that I lived on a planet made out of candy. Cole and my friends from school lived there, too. We watched TV, played basketball, and ate candy all day. Girls were allowed on the planet only on Saturday mornings and one Tuesday a month.

Sure, they were weird dreams. But they were very happy ones. I wished theyd come true.