CONTENTS
This is far and away the best parenting book I have ever read, and I have read hundreds of them. Imperfect Parenting has a solid science base, but its not for eggheads; its for real parents who have real kids. Dona Matthewss message reassures anyone who is a parent or hopes to become one: Building a relationship with your child will bring you the confidence to face any parenting challenge, and your love for each other will just keep on growing. Your child will thank you.
TERRIE MOFFITT, PHD, NANNERL O. KEOHANE UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR, DUKE UNIVERSITY, DURHAM, NC, UNITED STATES; COAUTHOR OF THE ORIGINS OF YOU: HOW CHILDHOOD SHAPES LATER LIFE
Imperfect Parenting is brimming with life-changing insights. Dona Matthews, with compassionate and incisive expertise, distills the latest research into understandable tips and tools that can help any parent. But perhaps more important, she outlines a new approach to parenting that will make us more effective as parents and strengthen our relationships with our children. Dr. Matthews does this by combating the punishingly perfectionistic culture around parenting today, that tells us that unless weve checked every box on the good parenting checklist, we have failed. Imperfect Parenting instead empowers parents to embrace imperfection constructively, and approach every challenge with renewed confidence and hope.
TRACY DENNIS-TIWARY, PHD, PROFESSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY, THE CITY UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NY, UNITED STATES; AUTHOR OF THE FORTHCOMING FUTURE TENSE: WHY ANXIETY IS GOOD FOR YOU (EVEN THOUGH IT FEELS BAD)
Imperfect Parenting is a treasure, filled with cutting-edge parenting advice backed by solid research and Dona Matthewss many years of experience supporting families. This book shows how parents and everyone involved in a childs life can build or rebuild a strong relationship, which is the ultimate foundation of optimal emotional health.
MONA DELAHOOKE, PHD, AUTHOR OF BRAIN-BODY PARENTING: HOW TO STOP MANAGING BEHAVIOR AND START RAISING JOYFUL, RESILIENT KIDS AND BEYOND BEHAVIORS: USING BRAIN SCIENCE AND COMPASSION TO UNDERSTAND AND SOLVE CHILDRENS BEHAVIORAL CHALLENGES
Imperfect Parenting covers a wealth of practical information, from advice for healthy eating and sleep to suggestions for how parents can engage with the cognitive, academic, social, and emotional aspects of their childrens development. It is written in a warm, caring way with supportive tips for parents in taking care of themselves as well as their child. Insights from the authors clinical practice are well integrated with research-based conclusions. The book affirms the message that responsive, loving care is more important for childrens development than any specificparenting dos or donts.
JENNIFER LANSFORD, PHD, RESEARCH PROFESSOR, CENTER FOR CHILD AND FAMILY POLICY AT DUKE UNIVERSITY, DURHAM, NC, UNITED STATES
Dona Matthews tackles both difficult and mundane problems of parenting with loving yet practical guidance that is grounded in evidence. I would recommend this book to new parents, those feeling overwhelmed by daily struggles with offspring, and teachers who wonder how classroom behaviors relate to what children may be experiencing at home.
RENA F. SUBOTNIK, PHD, DIRECTOR, APA CENTER FOR PSYCHOLOGY IN SCHOOLS AND EDUCATION, WASHINGTON, DC, UNITED STATES
All parents, both new and experienced, will benefit from reading this compassionate guide to the art and science of parenting. Dona Matthews uses stories and case studies to illuminate the research behind building successful, protective relationships with children. Imperfect Parenting is a highly relatable and ultimately forgiving handbook that gives us permission to learn from our mistakes as we help our children develop into the best versions of themselves.
NANCY STEINHAUER, PRINCIPAL, THE MABIN SCHOOL, CANADAS FIRST INDEPENDENT ASHOKA CHANGEMAKER SCHOOL, TORONTO, ON, CANADA; COAUTHOR OF PUSHING THE LIMITS: HOW SCHOOLS CAN PREPARE OUR CHILDREN TODAY FOR THE CHALLENGES OF TOMORROW
Dona Matthews shows how parents who learn to respect their childrens uniqueness, and relate to them with understanding and compassion, form strong connections that support them in becoming themselves. She describes how neuroscience and psychology inform the relationship skills that lead to easier and happier family relationships, as they support childrens diversity and growth.
NICOLE A. TETREAULT, PHD, NEUROSCIENTIST; AUTHOR OF INSIGHT INTO A BRIGHT MIND: A NEUROSCIENTISTS PERSONAL STORIES OF UNIQUE THINKING
Copyright 2022 by the American Psychological Association. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, including, but not limited to, the process of scanning and digitization, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Electronic edition published 2022.
ISBN: 978-1-4338-3757-9 (electronic edition).
The opinions and statements published are the responsibility of the author, and such opinions and statements do not necessarily represent the policies of the American Psychological Association.
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Cover Designer: Mark Karis
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Matthews, Dona J., 1951- author.
Title: Imperfect parenting : how to build a relationship with your child to weather any storm / by Dona Matthews.
Description: Washington, DC : American Psychological Association, [2022] | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2021036897 (print) | LCCN 2021036898 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433837562 (paperback) | ISBN 9781433837579 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Parenting. | Parent and child. | Parents--Psychology.
Classification: LCC HQ755.8 .M383 2022 (print) | LCC HQ755.8 (ebook) | DDC 649/.1--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021036897
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021036898
https://doi.org/10.1037/0000274-000
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This is one of those books thats built on countless interactions and experiences over all the years of a life. And its thanks to the insightful observations of Susan Herman, development editor for the American Psychological Associations (APA) LifeTools series, that I was challenged to plumb the depths of my life experienceboth personal and professionaland make connections to the knowledge and understanding Ive been acquiring for all these decades. Susan enabled me to write the book Id wanted to write for a long time (but hadnt yet fully imagined) and to deeply enjoy the process. She responded to an earlier version of the manuscript by asking for more stories about parents and kids, fewer lists, and less academic language. She envisioned a livelier book than I couldve written without her. If you enjoy this book, its thanks to her.