Baker - Swipe Left

LUCY is a London-based creator by day, an illustrator by night, and a singer-songwriter by accident. Her back catalogue of hits includes Dont Send Girls Pictures of Your Penis and The Dating App Rap to name a few She has combined her love of observational comedy and doodling on her Instagram page @thedoodlemaestro. Swipe Left is her first book. An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2019 Copyright Lucy Baker 2019 Lucy Baker asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. This novel is entirely a work of fiction.

The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the authors imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. Ebook Edition July 2019 ISBN: 9780008334468 Contents Dear Reader, A little while ago, I was in the darkest depths of singledom.

I hadnt dated anyone in a long time, it was utter desperation-stations. So, I did what any normal twenty-something would do I downloaded dating apps and started swiping furiously. Determined to find the man of my dreams. The reality was disappointing. Though there were a select few profiles with potential, far too many fell into the swipe left category. But all was not lost. But all was not lost.

Instead of despairing over Mike 29s loo-mirror grimace, I decided to take action. I started noting down the things that I thought were appealing in a profile, and the things that would send anyone running for the hills. Friends offered up their own hilariously awkward anecdotes. And so, Swipe Left came to be. I hope you find it useful, or at the very least amusing. Lucy Dont have a million people in your picture. Lucy Dont have a million people in your picture.

This isnt a game of Wheres Wally. Dont be a catfish. Theyre going to find out what you look like eventually. Dont hide your face. You might end up dating someone IRL (hurray). Dont use your Linkedin photo. Dont use your Linkedin photo.

You aint gonna get endorsed on here honey. Dont use selfies. There are only two conclusions to the selfie: You dont have friends / You are intolerably vain. But if you really insist, for heavens sake DONT DO IT IN THE BATHROOM. Dont post pictures where youre romantically engaged with somebody else. Dont lie about your age Dont have a photo with someone much better looking than you youre just setting yourself up for failure. Demonstrate your passions, whatever they may be! Show some variety with each photo. Demonstrate your passions, whatever they may be! Show some variety with each photo.

Be creative. Express yourself! For goodness sake, SMILE!