Karen Herrmann Cacioppo - Swiping for Love in All the Wrong Places

Where do I begin to tell you about my crazy dating stories? When I first set off into my dating adventures, I had no clue I would still be single and writing this book more than ten years later, but I am. My inspiration and courage to write a book came from my inner strength to make a positive from a negative situation. I was very discouraged and had to find humor in my experiences while looking for love.

Dating was a terrifying notion to me back then, and I struggled to grasp the whole dating concept. I had just come out of a nine-year relationship with a person who was mentally and emotionally abusive. My friends urged me to get out of that relationship, but time and time again, I enabled the abuse. Then came the day when I had enough courage to walk away, and I brought that toxic chapter of my life to a screaming halt. That batshit crazy story is for another day and potentially another book.

The last time I dated was in college, and I met my now ex-husband in 1988, shortly after graduating from college. He was it for the next thirteen years, and then came my never-ending saga with the nine-year guy. Dating was unchartered territory twenty years later.

Nine-year guy created some serious trust issues for me, and I was leery to move forward and find love.

I spent a year working on myself and healing the parts of me damaged from the emotional and mental abuse I endured.

My heart needed to heal, and it was imperative I loved myself before dipping my toe in the dating pond. I had only found true love twice before with my ex-husband and nine-year guy. The thought of putting myself out there to date and possibly finding love again scared the hell out of me!

My single girlfriends had tried one or more of the many dating platforms. Some had success and ended up in a relationship or married, while others found themselves in their own brand of dating hell. Maybe I would be one of the lucky ones who would find their soulmate, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Little did I know how this would play out over the next decade!

I decided to bite the bullet and throw my hat in the dating arena.

I perused all of the dating sites and tried to determine which one was best suited for me. Do I pay for a dating service or just go on the free sites? I knew I shouldnt make such a decision so lightly. I based my decision on user reviews and went with the paid site. The only real benefit of the paid version was getting more qualified matches based on specific criteria. I figured, why not, so I paid for a three-month membership to one of the popular sites.

I heard many promising stories and hoped I would find my soulmate like so many others. I completed all the required fields and answered all the obligatory questions to complete my profile. I attached several favorite pictures of myself to complement my profile. I was nervous as my finger hovered over the submit button and click. In a split second, I launched into my dating adventures. I officially entered into the black hole of dating.

I was very overwhelmed initially because I was considered fresh meat on the market to many of the habitual or serial daters. My profile attracted so many responses I didnt know what to do. This dating thing instantly became a full-time job, and I didnt anticipate that.

I hoped I wouldnt get carpel tunnel syndrome from all the swiping left I was doing. Holy crap!

I weeded out the men that were unmistakably not for me. I couldnt figure out how I matched with some of these yahoos and questioned this whole process! I was baffled by some of the ghastly profiles men created for themselves. The men I attracted ranged from utterly yummy ones to complete weirdos with no shirt, no teeth, long hair, and coke bottle glasses. I tried to keep an open mind, but it became more challenging as time went on.

I couldnt fathom what these guys thought when they created their profiles. Wouldnt they want their profile pictures to create the best first impression? I learned you only get one chance to make a first impression, so I was perplexed by all the fucked-up profiles people created to represent themselves.

Some profiles included only pictures of themselves wearing sunglasses or hats, which made me wonder if they were hiding something. How about the ones who didnt post a single picture of themselves but instead pictures of their motorcycles or pets? The ultimate pictures are the infamous topless bathroom selfies.

Some men considered it normal behavior to send unsolicited naked pictures of themselves, or of their privates, after knowing you for five minutes or less. I am not a prude by any means, but I expect a level of respect while getting to know someone. I was completely taken aback by this conduct.

I started texting with several gentlemen after riffling through all the minutia, which was a huge time investment, by the way. I found some conversations quite enjoyable, while others were flat-out offensive.

I learned throughout my dating trials and tribulations not to share my cell phone number or digits with someone too early in the dating process. I am not a big phone talker in general, but certainly not in the early stages of getting to know someone. Some guys want to talk for hours every night, and then you learn there is no connection when you meet. I made the mistake of sharing my information prematurely on several occasions and learned to regret it.

Some men mandated you talk to them on the phone, or they would not agree to meet you in person. Ive declined meeting someone as a result of this demand because I dont do ultimatums. Some men base their whole connection with you on a simple phone call.

Personally, I need to meet someone in person to determine whether there is a connection or true attraction with someone worth pursuing. A guy may be eye-catching in his profile photos, but that doesnt necessarily translate to his personality. I usually know after the first date if there will be a second. I have tried to give guys the benefit of the doubt if the first date was a bust. If he truly seemed like he had potential, I gave him a second chance to shine.

I went in dating waves that lasted from two weeks to three months. Sometimes I would get incredibly frustrated by it all. I removed myself from dating all together. I would go on a dating hiatus that lasted anywhere from one month to one year. Something would inspire me to try dating again, and I would pull up my big girl panties and forge ahead into dating once again.

I hoped that one day I would find the guy who would be my end chapter! Finding that person would be a wonderful thing. I often get asked the million-dollar question, How has a beautiful woman like you not been scooped up? That question is very easy for me to answer, and some find my response difficult to grasp. I say, I am an independent, self-sufficient woman who loves her amazing life. I dont have to account for my time, answer to anyone, and I can come and go as I please. A man wont complete me. He will enhance my life. The person who becomes my end chapter must be amazing.