Petras Kathryn - The Stupidest Sports Book of All Time [eBook - Biblioboard]: Hilarious Blunders, Bloopers, Oddities, Quotes, and More from the World of Sports

The

STUPIDEST SPORTS BOOK

of All Time

Hilarious Blunders, Bloopers, Oddities, Quotes, and More from the World of Sports

KATHRYN & ROSS PETRAS

Workman Publishing New York

Contents

Chapter 1 Bad Plays, Dumb Injuries, Dumber Rules, and More

Chapter 2 Lame Excuses, Moments Sports Stars Would Most Like to Forget, and the Agony of... Victory?

Chapter 3 The Worst, the Most Annoying, the Most Creative, the Most Litigious, and the Even More Annoying

Chapter 4 The Funniest, Worst, Dumbest, and Most Fascinating Mascots, Promotions, and Fans

Chapter 5 Creative Cheating, Ineffective Cheating, Bad Excuses, and Stupid Suspensions

Chapter 6 Pep Talks, Strange Motivational Techniques, the Best Rants Ever, Dumb Trades, and Money, Money, Money

Chapter 7 Whats Inside Their Heads... and Whats Not Inside

Chapter 8 Media Mistakes, Useless Statistics, Stupid Clichs, Pitiful Press Coverage, and the Strangest Press Conferences Ever

CHAPTER 9 Lead Medal Winners, Titanic Fails, Not-So-Terribly-Exciting Sports, and Other Dubious Feats in the Games

CHAPTER 10 Stuff That Didnt Fit Elsewhere But Youd Probably Want to Know (Like Sports and Dictators, Really Strange Sports, and Really Strange Names)

INTRODUCTION

This is, obviously, a book about sports... many different sports and many different aspects of these many different sports.

Its about winning. Losing. The players. The fans. The games. The business. The agony of defeat. The agony of a tight jockstrap.

Before you read the following pages, take a moment to ponder the deep sports insights we collected below from some of the worlds top athletes, sportscasters, and coaches. Learn from them! Who better to help you truly understand and enjoy sports even more? Reflect on their fascinating observations as we have.

If you can beat a team 65, youre better off than losing 54.

Baseball great Casey Stengel

The most important thing about batting is getting the bat to hit the ball.

Sportscaster Michael Holding

Football games turn on things that are done by players.

Sportscaster Willie Miller

I knew I had to win today, otherwise she would have beaten me.

Tennis player Heather Watson

Its bad to get hit on your chin. Because its attached to your head.

Kansas City Royals commentator Rex Hudler

Solo homers usually come with no one on base.

Baseball broadcaster Ralph Kiner

As the ball gets softer, it loses its hardness.

Sportscaster Geoff Boycott

In order to start winning, we have to stop losing.

Wide receiver Emmanuel Arceneaux

Its hard to get a hit if you strike out.

Houston Astros pitcher/manager Larry Dierker

We need the players, because without the players we wouldnt have a team.

Soccer manager Howard Wilkinson

Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good.

Hockey coach Tom Watt

Got all that? And now without further ado...

PLAY BALL!

Kathryn and Ross Petras

The

STUPIDEST SPORTS BOOK

of All Time

CHAPTER 1

Playing the Game

Bad Plays, Dumb Injuries, Dumber Rules, and More

You know what you end up realizing about sports? How much destiny comes into play sometimes. And even more than destiny, the unforeseen.

baseball player mike piazza

WHEN TERRIBLE PLAYS ATTACK

Five of the Worst Plays in Pro Sports

That was a well-executed play that they didnt execute very well.

College football sportscaster Kirk Herbstreit

Like I said, desperate measures call for desperate times.

Seattle Seahawks defensive back Jordan Babineaux

E very sport has its share of truly ridiculous, bad, or otherwise moronic plays when a coach or player makes an inspired (or not-so-inspired) decision. Some are a cut above the rest...

Stupid Play: Traffic jam baserunning

Who: Baltimore Orioles

Essential Problem: Running to third base from second and first base when another runner is also there.

What Happened: Baseball has this pretty basic base rule: only one runner to a base. Not difficult. So how about three? Thats what the Baltimore Orioles tried in a game against the California Angels on April 17, 1993. With the bases loaded, Baltimores Mike Devereaux knocked the ball hard to left-center. At the sound of the ball hitting the bat, the runner on third, Jeff Tackett, took off for homeonly to turn back when he thought that it had been caught by the outfielder. Unfortunately, Tackett was joined on third by teammate Brady Anderson, who ran from second... only to be joined by the runner who had been on first base, Chito Martinez. The little runners conference on third turned into an inning-ending double play when Angels catcher John Orton tagged all three of them out. Angels third baseman Rene Gonzales later said, Harrys Radiator was the last team I was on where I saw something stupid like that happen.

Stupid Play: Attempting a 76-yard field goal

Who: Oakland Raiders

Essential Problem: Its not nice going against Mother Physics. The longest field goal in NFL history was 64 yards, set on December 8, 2013. The previous NFL record was 63 yards. Do the math: 64 and 63 are a big 12 and 13 yards less than 76. (And heres another distressing stat: The absolute longest field goal in recorded football history was 69 yards, set in a 1976 college game.) So why go against fate and physicsand heavy wind, at that?

What Happened: Dont blame the kicker, Sebastian Janikowski. Blame Raiders head coach Lane Kiffin, who, in a game against the San Diego Chargers on September 28, 2008, ordered poor Janikowski to make the impossible attempt. Sure, The Polish Cannon had made some amazing kicks in practice. And sure, there was only one second remaining in the first half. So why not make the longest attempt in NFL history? Well, heres why not: Opposing teams can return missed field goal attempts. And on this particular opposing team was one Antonio Cromartie, who had scored on a 109-yard return of a missed field goal the previous year. Fortunately for Raider Nation that didnt happenbut the field goal fell pitifully short and Coach Kiffin was fired two days later.

Stupid Play: Calling a time-out in the 1993 NCAA championship game even though there were no time-outs left

Who: University of Michigan power forward Chris Webber

Essential Problem: Time-outs only work if you have time-outs left.

What Happened: Michigan was down by 2 points, but it looked like sophomore star Chris Webber might be able to pull off the win. He was on a lucky streakhe rebounded a missed free throw, traveled but wasnt called by the refs, traveled again, and still wasnt called by the refs. Then the University of North Carolina Tar Heels moved to trap him, so he made the smart move: call for a time-out with 11 seconds remaining. Great idea... but there werent any. And this time Webbers luck ran out. The refs slapped him with a technical foul and the rest was grim. The Tar Heels hit two free throws to win, as a result of the untimely time-out. But Webber had a great explanation. He said after the game: If I knew we didnt have any time-outs left, I wouldnt have called one.