Ross Petras - The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done

The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said
The 776 Even Stupider Things Ever Said
The 776 Nastiest Things Ever Said

A M AIN S TREET B OOK
PUBLISHED BY DOUBLEDAY
a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc.
1540 Broadway, New York, New York 10036

M AIN S TREET B OOKS , D OUBLEDAY , and the portrayal of a building with a tree are trademarks of Doubleday, a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Petras, Ross.
The 176 stupidest things ever done / Ross & Kathryn Petras. 1st ed.
p. cm.
Main Street Books.
1. Anecdotes. I. Petras, Kathryn. II. Title.
PN6262.P48 1996
082dc20 96-12538

eISBN: 978-0-307-79936-4
Copyright 1996 by Ross and Kathryn Petras
All Rights Reserved

v3.1

Note: In some cases, the names of individuals have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, or the merely foolish. In all cases, the intention of everything included in this book has been to amuseat no ones expense.

A few years ago, we put together The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Saida look at the fine art of placing the foot in the mouth. And the book became a bestselleras did its spin-off sequels and annual calendars.

But we couldnt stop there.

It got us to thinking: What about the doers out there? The people of action who, instead of saying something stupid, go right out and do something stupid?

Its time to give credit where credit is due.

So now weve collected The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Donea compilation of inane incidents, senseless stunts, farcical feats, and utterly asinine activities.

These are examples of the sublimely stupid, committed by the famous and not-so-famous. It includes celebrities like Sam Goldwyn, athletes like Charles Barkley, politicians like Ronald Reagan, semi-stars like Fabio, and institutions ranging from the board of General Motors to the various agencies of the federal government. And, of course, it also includes the unsung heroes of stupidity, the average Joes and Janes who are responsible for so many inspired moments of lunacy.

Committing a stupid action isnt as simple as you might think. Actually, its a bit of a science. As students of stupidity, weve discovered that there are distinct types of stupid actions, including:

the Bureaucratic Bungle: When red tape spawns red faces. The inevitable result of following the rules instead of common sense, this type of institutional inanity is committed by any large organizationfrom the government to schools to corporations.

the Inspired Idiocy: Ingenuity gone insane. This is a stupid action committed by a person with creativity, vision and an amazingly ridiculous idea. Favored by people who suddenly wonder just why it is that no one has ever crossed the English Channel in a motorized bathtub and who have the nerve (or the insanity) to actually try it.

the Enigmatic Eccentricity: A bit like the inspired idiocy, but more of a lifestyle. This is the specialty of people who make nonconformity into an art forma dying breed nowadays, as mass culture spawns mass group-think. Happily, there are still enough brave individualistic souls who follow their own drummer, to whatever bizarre and silly ends it may take them.

the Asinine Alibi: When people are caught in the act, but feel it necessary to explain anyway in a futile and ridiculous attempt to clear their name. The result? Looking guiltyand stupidat the same time. This type of stupidity is especially prevalent in courtrooms, police stations, and anywhere politicians are found.

the Big Business Blunder: Capitalism run amok. This occurs when business goes overboard in trying to sell a product, make a profit, or keep the wheels of commerce turning. It can be something like a global advertising mistranslation that makes people think they can prevent pregnancy by buying certain ink to a product promotion that stinks literally.

the Trying-Too-Hard-Not-to-Make-a-Mistake Mishap: Something that happens to everyone at one time or anotherespecially to anal-retentive perfectionists. Youre trying so hard to make everything go well that it all blows up in your face.

the Bad Timing Fiasco: Just what it sounds like. Everything is going smoothly, then the worst happens at the worst possible moment. Often occurs just after someone has made a sweeping generalization like This is the safest building ever built right before the building collapses.

the Preposterous Production: Stupidity onstage (or on television or on film). This is a dramatic form of stupidity in action, commonly produced by auteurs who have a unique vision (King Lear on roller skates!) and wonder why no one else thought of it.

the Politically Correct but Dumb: When people are so worried about being inoffensive that they wind up being idiotic instead. Practiced by governments, schools, and well-meaning types in particular, this type of stupidity proves that there is such a thing as being too concerned about what other people think.

the Simply Stupid: Just plain stupidity, pure and simple.

As an added treat, The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done includes Special Sections on specific areas of stupid actions, such as:

Government Gaffes: A nonpartisan, nonethnocentric, all-inclusive collection of governmental nonsense that proves the publics sneaking suspicion that, if you want something done stupidly, ask the government.

Science Goes Stupid: Proof that an advanced degree doesnt necessarily mean youve got the greatest smarts in the world. This section contains examples of the most ridiculous research imaginable.