Kathryn Petras - Stupidest Things Ever Said: Book of All-Time Stupidest Top 10 Lists

KATHRYN AND ROSS PETRAS Workman Publishing, New York Copyright 2011 by Kathryn and Ross Petras
Design copyright by Workman Publishing All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopyingwithout written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Petras, Kathryn.
The stupidest things ever said : book of all-time stupidest top 10 lists /
Kathryn & Ross Petras.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-7611-6591-0 (alk. paper)
1.

StupidityHumor. 2. American wit and humor.
3. Wit and humor. I. II. II.

Title.
PN6231.S77P47 2011
818.5402dc23 2011031528 eISBN 9780761165910 Cover art by Robert Risko
Photo credits for interior art appear on Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts also can be created to specification. For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below, or send an e-mail to specialmarkets@workman.com . WORKMAN PUBLISHING COMPANY, INC.
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Heard a stupid thing?
Read a stupid thing?
Seen a stupid thing?
Know a stupid thing?
Send it to us! Were always on the lookout for more stupidity for our books, calendar, and blogso if youve got something to share, you can e-mail us: teamstupidest@stupidest.com
stupidestcalendar@yahoo.com or write us: Ross & Kathryn Petras
STUPIDEST THINGS EVER SAID
Workman Publishing
225 Varick Street
New York, NY 10014 Or post it on our blog: www.stupidest.com And let us know if you want credit for your find. This collection of stupidity wouldnt have been possible without the help of our readers whove sent in so many truly stupid and wonderfully idiotic items over the years. Thanks to you all! Weve tried to include the names of everyone who wanted to be credited (although we may have missed a few the problem with collecting stupidity is that is seems to rub off a bit!).

That said, special thanks to: Blake Barrick, Rhea Baugher, Tom Berg, Ken Borland, Dave Boudreaux, Elaine Brown, Jason Cerar, Chris from Long Island, John Christian, Silvia Antonina Ciaccio, Miss L. Clayton, Dan Cousineau, Richard Dembrowski, Vicki Denny, Erica Derout, Craig Downey, Barrie Drain, Daniel Durchslag, Scott Eadie, Sarah Elan, Philo C. Farson, Glen Felson, Mike Fleice, Bob Given, Colin Griggs, Andrea Grody, V. Hazen, Bryson David Hoff, Judi Ieronimo, Matt Jenner, Jon Kolenchak, Emily Lauderdale, Crystal Lemcke, Larry Lesser, Bill Letson, Tanya Maes, Lin Malki, Scotland Miles, D.J. Mitchell, Todd Morgan, Richard Oberholzer, Paul and Leslie Patterson, Rev. B. B.

Williams, Betsy Wurm, Mike Yohe, Peter Zilliox, and the hundreds of other stupidity experts who prefer to remain nameless.

On an April Sunday in 1993, at the close of his weekly television show, the famous, respected, serious, and poker-faced newsman David Brinkley read a few stupid quotes from our recently published bookThe 776 Stupidest Things Ever Saidand actually laughed. For us, the rest was history. The book took off and so began our career as professional stupidity collectors, writers, and compilers. Its been a lot of fun. Over the years we have read, listened to, and heard literally thousands of stupidities.

Thousands of our readers have sent us their favorites as well. This book is the result, the crme de la crme of stupidity. But what makes something one of the stupidest things ever said (or written, broadcast, produced, or otherwise disseminatedsince early on we realized that to limit ourselves merely to things said would omit some true gems)? Well, sometimes its unintended irony. Or a horribly inappropriate choice of words. Sometimes its a mangled clich, a bizarre analogy, a completely off-the-mark translation, a ridiculous misstatement, or an example of convoluted logic. Youll see all of thisand morehere.

Weve arranged this collection of the stupidest of the stupidest into top 10 lists (as you may have guessed from the title ). And just as stupidity is boundless, so is the scope of the lists here. Theyre a wide-ranging, rather haphazard, but very intriguing collection (if we say so ourselves)everything from The Top 10 Stupidest Bee Comments to The Top 10 Stupidest Bureaucratic Blatherings. So there you have it: a collection of the stupidest things ever said and more. A collection of the stupidities that made us laugh the most. We loved putting this book together.

We hope you laugh as much as we did.

Pericles? Is he the guy that did the thing with the potatoes? actress Tara Reid2. Radio host Howard Stern: What is the capital of New York? Actress Tori Spelling: New Jersey? Who is Yom Kippur? Is that the name of the new Japanese designer? model-turned-businesswoman Kathy Ireland I feel like a pilgrim from the f***ing 20s washing this shit in the sink. Jersey Shore reality star Snooki5. Q: Did you visit the Parthenon when you were in Greece? Basketball star Shaquille ONeil: I cant really remember the names of the clubs that we went to. This [the threads in a $20 bill] is so the United States government can scan you.

They can tell if youre carrying too much currency. When I showed this to my husband, it really wowed him. When I pulled out this little spy trick, he knew how well hed done with me. actress Patricia Arquette, during an Us magazine interview, in which she pulled out a $20 bill, ripped off a corner, and pointed out the threads in the bill to the reporter7. Lawyer: What was your companions last name? Socialite Paris Hilton: It is like a weird Greek name. 8. 8.

TV host Jon Stewart: What is the capital of Uruguay? Actor Lorenzo Lamas: There is no capital of Uruguay, you dummyits a country! How can you get a volcano in Iceland? When you think of volcanos you think of Hawaii, or long words like that. You dont think of Iceland. Its too cold to have a volcano there. CNN anchor Rick Sanchez10. Q: Who was the president during the Civil War? Rocker Tommy Lee: Ummm Winston Churchill? I wasnt around then, so who cares? Q: What is an isosceles triangle? Lee: Somewhere in Bermuda? Q: What is pi? Lee:Is that the 2 = MC squared thing?

A man Im proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next president of the United StatesBarack America! Sen.

Joe Biden, at his first campaign rally with Sen. Barack Obama Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college. Utah governor Mike Leavitt, introducing Sen. Larry Craig My friends, its with a great deal of pride that I present to you a president who wants to cut jobswho wants to cut taxes to cut jobswho wants to stop the regulations to cut the jobs . politician introducing President George Bush to an audience