Joseph Locke - Good Burger: A Novelization

Dedicated to Lisa Clancy, Liz Shiflett, and Erica Pass With thanks!

A Minstrel Book published by
POCKET BOOKS, a division of Simon & Schuster Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020

Copyright 1997 by Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved.
Based on the Nickelodeon short "Good Burger" featured on the series "All That.

NICKELODEON, Nickelodeon Movies, and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of Viacom International Inc.

ISBN: 0-671-01692-X
First Minstrel Books printing August 1997

Photography by Mark Fellman, Robert Isenberg,
and Charlie Pizzarello

RetroReadingTime.com

Published by POCKET BOOKS

Everything was so normal that Ed had no idea he was dreaming.

He was at work, manning his post behind the counter at Good Burger, the most average burger joint in America. He wore his Good Burger uniform and, on his striped shirt, a name tag that announced proudly, I'm Ed! Just another day at work or so it seemed with just another customer standing at the counter.

Excuse me, a woman called. Hello? Young man?

Ed turned and faced the woman, saying, Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?

The woman scanned the menu posted high on the wall behind Ed. Just a Good Burger, please. And I'd like that to go.

Ed's eyebrows popped up as he stared at the woman. To go where?

The woman frowned. To go well, to my house.

Okay, Ed said cheerfully, removing a pad and pen from his pocket. He placed the pad on the counter and prepared to write, asking, What's your address?

My what? Frustrated, she sighed and said firmly, Look, I just want a Good Burger, okay?

Okay, okay, Ed said soothingly. Easy, Mister.

As Ed turned to the microphone, the woman squinted at him, confused. Mister?

One Good Burger, Ed said into the microphone.

Yes, it was just another normal day at work, so far at least, until Ed turned around and faced the neatly wrapped Good Burgers lined up beneath the heat lamps. He plucked one of the burgers from the tray and shook open a paper bag. But before he could stuff the burger into the bag, he heard a small, muffled voice.

No, Ed! Noooo! the voice whined. And it was coming from the hamburger!

Ed's mouth dropped open. What the

Opening the wrapper, Ed peeked inside at the burger and he was so shocked, he nearly dropped it. The burger stared up at him with great big puppy dog eyes and a happy beef-patty-and-lettuce grin.

Don't sell me, Ed! the burger cried in a squeaky voice. Please? I wanna stay here with you!

Two more burgers beneath the heat lamps began to wiggle around until their faces were poking out of their wrappers.

Me, too! one of the burgers exclaimed.

We love you, Ed! another cried.

Whooaaa! Ed blurted. I'm hallucin hallucin er, uh, hallu I'm imaginin' stuff!

Suddenly, all the burgers under the heat lamps poked their faces from their wrappers and grinned up at Ed. The burgers rose from their places on the aluminum tray and began to float around Ed in a grinning swirl of beef patties and sesame seed buns!

Come with us, Ed! one of the burgers said.

Fly, Ed! Fly!

Yes, Ed! Fly with us!

Ed's eyes grew to twice their normal size as his feet left the tile floor and he began to float upward with the chattering, smiling Good Burgers.

Whooaaa! Ed exclaimed. I'm flyin' with fast food!

Ed continued to rise up in the air, surrounded by the floating hamburgers until a loud, obnoxious buzzer sounded from from well, from someplace. The buzzer startled Ed so much that he faltered there in the air and then began to plummet downward, out of control, until

He sat bolt upright in bed and babbled rapidly, Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your

Ed realized he was in bed, in his bedroom.

Whoa, he muttered. A dream. He turned to his left and focused his bleary eyes on the buzzing alarm clock. It read 9:50 A.M. Whoa! A clock! He hit the button and killed the buzzer, then threw his covers aside.

As usual, Ed was already dressed for work because, as usual, he'd slept in his Good Burger uniform. Ed was the kind of guy who liked to simplify his life as much as possible, and one of the ways he did that was to dress for work every night before going to bed. Ed took a great deal of pride in the fact that he was a very simple guy.

In the bathroom, Ed turned on the shower and stepped beneath the hot spray. As he lathered up, he sang, I'm a dude She's a dude He's a dude 'Cause we're all dudes!

He had already forgotten all about his dream just as he had forgotten to remove his Good Burger uniform before getting into the shower.

There were no talking, flying hamburgers at the real Good Burger that day, but there were plenty of customers. And they were growing impatient.

Ed was late for work, and the line at the counter was getting longer. All of Ed's coworkers were busily going about their individual jobs. Unfortunately, none of those jobs included waiting on the customers at the counter.

Monique was handling the fries and onion rings. Deedee worked on the fresh vegetables and put together the salads. Spatch was at the grill flipping patties. And Otis well, Otis was around somewhere; he was in his mid-eighties and even when he was at his busiest, he didn't move very quickly.

Fizz was working the drive-through window. He was walking past the front counter with his headset on when an impatient customer barked at him.

Hey, you! He was a beefy man wearing a construction worker's helmet. Would you please take my order?

Fizz skidded to a stop and turned to the man with a grin. No can do! he replied. I'm the drive-through guy. You need the counter guy.

The man rolled his eyes. Well, where is the counter guy?

I'm not sure, Fizz said. He turned around and asked Monique, Where's Ed?

At that moment, Ed was shooting out of his house on a pair of Rollerblades, headed for work at high speed.

Once Ed had realized he was wearing his uniform in the shower, he'd had to change into a dry one, and that had made him late. But there was nothing slow about Ed as he zoomed down the sidewalk on his skates. He quickly realized he was going a little too fast as he neared three little girls jumping rope on the sidewalk. He careened back and forth, hoping to avoid them, but it was impossible. Instead, he decided to take the friendly approach.

Mornin', girls! he shouted as he closed in on them. He sped between them, getting tangled in the rope. Whoooaaa! he cried as he recovered his balance, pawing at the rope that was twined around his body.

Hey! one of the girls shouted. She held on to the rope and ran behind him as he picked up speed. That's our rope!