STRANGE
HISTORY
BY THE BATHROOM READERS INSTITUTE
PORTABLE PRESS
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA
Strange History
Copyright 2016 Portable Press
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eISBN-13: 978-1-62686-615-7
eBook edition: August 2016
Contents
STRANGE
HISTORY
Welcome to the strangest book youll ever read. The editors at Portable Press have collected thousands of bizarre facts and mind-blowing stories, from the recent past all the way back to prehistory, spanning all four corners of the globe (back in the days when the Earth had corners). So prepare yourself for a smorgasbord of oddities: kings, queens, commoners, criminals, gladiators, aliens, ghosts, gods, monsters, and much more.
But be forewarned: History wasnt always pretty. In fact, most of humanitys past was stinky, brutal, bloody, scary, and downright disturbing. But trust us, its a lot more fun to read about it than it was to live it. So sit back and enjoy.
Strange Historians
Publisher: Gordon Javna
Editor: Jay Newman
Interior design: Lidija Tomas
Cover design: Michael Sherman
Illustrator: Sophie Hogarth
Production Editor: Trina Janssen
Copyeditor: Dan Mansfield
We begin this strange journey with some quotations from ages past that sound like they could have been said last week.
What is happening to our young people? They disrespect elders and disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. What is to become of them?
PLATO, 427347 B.C.
The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they know everything, and what passes for wisdom to us is foolishness to them. As for the girls, theyre forward, immodest, and unladylike in speech, behavior, and dress.
PETER THE HERMIT, A.D. 10501115
No job worth doing was ever done on time or under budget.
KHUFU, EGYPTIAN PHARAOH, C. 2560 B.C.,
ON BUILDING THE GREAT PYRAMID
Nothing is more unpredictable than the mob, nothing more obscure than public opinion, nothing more deceptive than the whole political system.
CICERO, 10643 B.C.
Great wisdom is generous; petty wisdom is contentious. Great speech is impassioned, small speech cantankerous.
ZHUANGZI, CHINESE PHILOSOPHER, 369286 B.C.
The Arrius Pollio Apartment Complex owned by Gnaeus Allius Nigidius Maius FOR RENT from July 1st. Streetfront shops with counter space, luxurious second-story apartments, and a townhouse. Prospective renters, please make arrangements with Primus, slave of Gnaeus Allius Nigidius Maius.
ROMAN RENTAL NOTICE FROM POMPEII, 1ST CENTURY A.D.
It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
HERACLITUS, GREEK PHILOSOPHER, 540480 B.C.
Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.
ARISTOPHANES, THE FATHER OF COMEDY, 456386 B.C.
Chee-Chee =
Nasty! Nasty!
This strange Broadway musical, written in 1928 by the legendary duo of Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart, put an end to their long string of successful shows. Why? It may have been the squirm-inducing plot, based on a comic novel called The Son of the Grand Eunuch. (In case you dont know, eunuchs were men who had been castrated and then employed to guard the womens living areas.)
Rodgers and Hart set their story in ancient China. The emperors grand eunuch, Li-Pi-Sao, tells his son, Li-Pi-Tchou, that he wants him to take over his job. But Li-Pi-Tchou is in love with a beautiful woman named Chee-Chee and doesnt want to become a eunuch. So the lovers flee and embark on a series of misadventures in which Chee-Chee has to award various thieves and bullies sexual favors in order to get herself and Li-Pi-Tchou out of one predicament or another.
The musical bombed. The review of Chee-Chee in the London Observer was entitled, simply: Nasty! Nasty!
GOLDFISH SWALLOWING: On March 3, 1939, Harvard University student Lothrop Withington Jr. swallowed a live goldfish to win a $10 bet. Days later, not to be outdone, a college student in Pennsylvania downed three goldfish seasoned with salt and pepper. When a fellow classmate upped the ante to six goldfish, the gauntlet had been thrown down, and the goldfish swallowing craze spread like wildfire on campuses across the United States. By the time the fad faded a few months later, thousands of goldfish had met gruesome ends.
TOOTH-DYEING: In 16th-century Europe, tooth dyeing was popular among upper-class women. In Italy, red and green were the most popular colors, while Russian women favored black.
CROTCHLESS TUNICS: In medieval England, wealthy gentlemen often wore clothing that left their assets exposedby way of short-fitting tunics with no pants. (If the genitals didnt hang low enough, padded, flesh-coated prosthetics called briquettes would be used.)
Queen Christina ruled Sweden from 1632 to 1654. What did she consider the biggest threat to her kingdom? Fleas. The queen hated hated HATED them and wanted each and every one she found in her palace killedindividually. To accomplish this feat (this was long before the invention of chemical insect repellents), she commissioned the construction of a tiny, one-inch-long cannon that was packed with tiny flea-sized cannonballs. Whenever she spotted one, she fired the tiny cannon at it and occasionally made a killshot.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Alexander Pope
MYTH: Famed explorer Marco Polo saw unicorns in the 13th century. He described them as ugly brutes.
REALITY: Historians believe that Marco Polo did see a horned animala rhinoceros.
MYTH: Unicorns are mentioned in the Bible nine times.
REALITY: The word seems to have first popped up in the 1611 version of the King James Bible. Scholars say it wasnt magic that put unicorns into the holy scripture, it was mistranslation and misunderstanding. The Hebrew word reemwhich was translated into English as unicornmost likely referred to the