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THE

FUNNIEST

THE FUNNIEST JOKE BOOK EVER

Copyright 2016 Portable Press All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including
photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical
methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher,
except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews
and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. Portable Press/The Bathroom Readers Institute
An imprint of Printers Row Publishing Group
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
www.bathroomreader.com
e-mail: Printers Row Publishing Group is a division of Readerlink
Distribution Services, LLC. The Portable Press names and logos
are trademarks of Readerlink Distribution Services, LLC. All correspondence concerning the content of this book should
be addressed to Portable Press/The Bathroom Readers Institute,
Editorial Department, at the above address.

Cover and Interior Design by Patrick Merrell

THANK YOU!

Portable Press sincerely thanks those whose
creative efforts made this book possible.

Gordon Javna	Jay Newman	Melinda Allman
Kim T. Griswell	Hannah Bingham	Jonathan Lopes
Trina Janssen	Peter Norton	Rusty von Dyl
Brian Boone	Aaron Guzman	Readerlink, LLC

eISBN 978-1-62686-613-3 eBook edition: July 2016

Contents

What do you call a kid captured by a cannibal?Stu!What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?Winnie the Pew.When the moth hit the windshield, what was the last thing to go through its mind?Its butt!What do you call a cow with a twitch?Beef jerky.What do you call a hippys wife?Mississippi.How does Darth Vader like his toast?On the dark side!If we breathe oxygen during the day, what do we breathe at night?Nightrogen.Whats the hardest thing about learning to skate?The ground!What kind of bagel can fly?A plain bagel.Why shouldnt you write with a broken pencil?Its pointless.Why couldnt the gnome pay his rent?He was a little short.What do you call a prehistoric pig?Jurassic pork!Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?Because if you add 4 and 4, you get ate.Why did dinosaurs walk so slowly?Because running shoes hadnt been invented yet.Why did the little strawberry cry?Her mom and dad were in a jam.Why did the rooster cross the road?It was the chickens day off.What do you call a fake noodle?An impasta.Why dont zombies eat clowns?They taste funny!What do you give to a sick lemon?Lemon aid.Who makes the best exploding underwear?Fruit of the Boom!What do you call a grizzly bear caught in a rain shower?A drizzly bear.What kind of songs are balloons afraid of?Pop songs!What is every magicians favorite candy bar?Twix.Whats white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?A molar bear.Did you hear about the computer program created by a chicken?All you do is point and cluck.What did the alpaca say when she was kicked off the farm?Alpaca my bags!Whats the most important rule for doing science experiments?Never lick the spoon.What would bears be without bees?Ears!What do you give a seasick monster?Plenty of room!Why did the cowboy ride the bull?It was too heavy to carry.Which Great Lake do ghosts like best?Lake Eerie.Why do the French eat snails?Because they dont like fast food.How did the frozen chicken cross the road?In a shopping bag.What do you call a rabbit with fleas?Bugs Bunny.If athletes get athletes feet, what do astronauts get?Missile toe!Why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?Because the p is silent.What do you get when you cross a goat with a squid?Billy the Squid.Have you heard the joke about the peach?Its pitiful.Which bird can hold three gallons of water in its bill?The pelican.Where does Spiderman go for medical advice?Web MD.Why was the potato alone at the party?It got there oily.Whats the best time to visit the dentist?Tooth-hurty!Which state needs a handkerchief?Mass-ACHOO!-setts.Why do fish choirs always sing off-key?Because you cant tuna fish.What kind of undies do clouds wear?Thunderwear!Did you hear about the frog that was illegally parked?It got toad.Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?To get to the bottom.If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?Pilgrims!What do you call a motorcycle with a good sense of humor?A Yamahahaha.Why did the kid leave his piggy bank outside?He expected some change in the weather.Why didnt the teddy bear eat his oatmeal?He was already stuffed!What kind of books do skunks read?Best-smellers.Why do vampires brush their teeth?To prevent bat breath.Where do baby ghosts spend their days?At day-scare centers.What do you call a sleeping T. rex?A dino-snore!Why did the cantaloupe jump into the lake?It wanted to be a watermelon.Why did the belt get arrested?It held up a pair of pants.Why are batteries always sad?Because theyre never included.How can you fall off a 100-foot ladder without getting hurt?Easy! Fall from the bottom rung.How is Facebook like a refrigerator?Because every few minutes you open it to see if theres anything good in it.If Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?Their age!Whats the best day to go to the beach?Sun-day.What do baby sweet potatoes wear to bed?Their yammies!Whats green, has big eyes, and is hard to see through?Kermit the Fog.What kind of car does a farmer drive?A corn-vertible.Where do you send a shoe in the summer?Boot camp!Why were early days of history called the Dark Ages?Because there were so many knights.What did one car muffler say to the other car muffler?Boy, am I exhausted!What should you shout if you swim into kelp and get caught in it?Kelp!What lives at the bottom of the ocean and is popular on Easter?Oyster eggs.What do you say to a hitchhiking angel?Harp in!How do you make antifreeze?Steal her blanket.What has a big mouth but cant talk?A jar.Whats red and smells like blue paint?Red paint.

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