Editors of Portable Press - The Wackiest Joke Book Thatll Knock-Knock You Over!: Over 838 Jokes!

Bigger or her baby?Her baby is a little Bigger.Dad: Why did you fail your history test?Kid: All the questions were about things that happened before I was born.Mama Giraffe: Eat your leaves, son. They put color in your cheeks.Giraffe Son: Who wants green cheeks?Why wasnt Mom worried about the moose in the kitchen?It was a chocolate mousse.Elephant Baby: Pops, do elephants really have good memories?Elephant Dad: I forget.If you eat one half of an apple pie and your sister eats the other half, what are you left with?A very angry mom.Why did Eds parents name their second son Ed, too?Because two Eds are better than one.Bro: I just spotted a leopard!Sis: Dont be silly. Leopards are born that way.Why dont dads ever buy new underwear?Because underwear never gets worn out.Grandma: I once typed an essay on the belly of a frog.Grandkid: Wow! Howd you get the frog into the typewriter?Whats the best cure for sleepwalking?Put tacks on the floor.Dad: Why did you dip your computer in melted caramel?Kid: I wanted a candied Apple.How can you tell a baby snake?By its rattle.Why did Grandpas hair turn gray before his moustache?It was older.Mom: I found a restaurant where we can eat dirt cheap!Dad: Id rather eat steak.Who isnt your sister or brother but is still a child of your parents?You.What did the mama cow say to her calf?Go to sleep! Its pasture bedtime.Hey! Theres a family of horses moving in next door!Great! Theyll make good nei-ei-ei-ghbors.How many paws does a lion have?One Paw. Just like everyone else.What happened when the baby drank 8 colas?He burped 7-Up.Dad: Why are you eating your homework?Kid: The teacher said it was a piece of cake.What happened when Mom put too much mousse in her hair?She grew antlers.Why was the kid late to school every day?The teacher said it was never too late to learn.Whats worse than a crying baby?Two crying babies.What did the mirror say to the dresser?I see your drawers!Why did Farmer John borrow a needle from his wife?He couldnt find the one in the haystack.Why did the kid put the cake in the freezer?It needed icing.Kid: How many apples grow on a tree?Mom: All of them.Do you have to be royal to ride in a carriage?Not if youre a baby.Which family member is purple?Your grape-grandmother.Kid: Dad, which board do you need to finish the fence?Dad: The last one.Which relatives always come to family picnics?The ants.Which grade should you never get on a report card?D. It makes Ma mad.What is big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten Moms day?The school bus.Why did Dad work late at the pajama factory?He was on the nightie shift.Kid: Whats the best way to avoid wrinkles?Grandma: Dont sleep in your clothes.Kid: Will the pancakes be long? Im starving.Dad: No. Theyll be round.What do you call rotten eggs, spoiled milk, and moldy bread?Gross-eries.Mom: How do you know the dog ate your homework?Kid: I fed it to him.What do you give a sick female relative?Auntie-biotics.Grandpa: Ive been swimming since I was five years old.Grandkid: You must be really tired.