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Bathroom Readers Institute - Uncle Johns New & Improved Funniest Ever

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Bathroom Readers Institute Uncle Johns New & Improved Funniest Ever

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Its new, its improved, its the funniest ever! Back by popular demand, this newly revised edition includes plenty of all-time favorites, along with more than twenty-five pages of new content. Thats page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung fu movie subtitles such as It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab! So whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, silly or sublime, youll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at... Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillowcase. Witty wordplay: If Snoop Dogg were to marry Winnie-the-Pooh, his name would become Snoop Dogg Pooh. Flubbed headlines: British Left Waffles On House Floor Quirky stars: Billy Idols concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Cant Believe Its Not Butter in his dressing room. Job lingo: If you hear an E.R. doc mention a VIP, be on the lookout for a very intoxicated patient. Sputtering sportscasters: If only faces could talk. Pat Summerall And much, much more!

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Bathroom Readers Institute Portable Press San Diego California - photo 1

Bathroom Readers Institute Portable Press San Diego California - photo 2

Bathroom Readers
Institute

Portable Press
San Diego, California

Picture 3Portable Press
An imprint of Printers Row Publishing Group
10350 Barnes Canyon Road, Suite 100, San Diego, CA 92121

Copyright 2018 Portable Press

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Printers Row Publishing Group is a division of Readerlink Distribution Services, LLC.

Portable Press, Bathroom Readers Institute, and Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader are registered trademarks of Readerlink Distribution Services, LLC.

All notations of errors or omissions should be addressed to Portable Press, Editorial Department, at the above address.

Publisher: Peter Norton Associate Publisher: Ana Parker

Publishing/Editorial Team: Vicki Jaeger, Tanya Fijalkowski, Lauren Taniguchi

Editorial Team: JoAnn Padgett, Melinda Allman, Dan Mansfield

Production Team: Jonathan Lopes, Rusty von Dyl

Cover design by Rusty von Dyl

eBook ISBN: 978-1-68412-392-6

eBook Edition: June 2018

Articles in this edition have been included from the following books:

Uncle Johns Giant 10th Anniversary BR 1997

Uncle Johns Absolutely Absorbing BR 1999

Uncle Johns All-Purpose Extra-Strength BR 2000

Uncle Johns Supremely Satisfying BR 2001

Uncle Johns Ahh-Inspiring BR 2002

Uncle Johns Electrifying BR for Kids Only! 2003

Uncle Johns Presents Book of the Dumb 2003

Uncle Johns Unstoppable BR 2003

Uncle Johns Book of Fun BR For Kids Only! 2004

Uncle Johns Slightly Irregular BR 2004

Uncle Johns BR Colossal Collection of Quotable Quotes 2004

Uncle Johns BR Tees Off on Golf 2005

Uncle Johns Fast-Acting Long-Lasting BR 2005

Uncle Johns BR Christmas Collection 2005

Uncle Johns BR Book of Love 2006

Uncle Johns Curiously Compelling BR 2006

Uncle Johns BR Wonderful World of Odd 2006

Uncle Johns BR Quintessential Collection of Notable Quotables 2006

Uncle Johns Triumphant 20th Anniversary BR 2007

Uncle Johns BR Takes a Swing at Baseball 2008

Uncle Johns Unsinkable BR 2008

Uncle Johns Certified Organic BR 2009

Uncle Johns Endlessly Engrossing BR 2009

Uncle Johns Heavy Duty BR 2010

Uncle Johns BR The Worlds Gone Crazy 2010

Uncle Johns BR Plunges Into New York 2011

Uncle Johns BR Tunes Into TV 2011

Uncle Johns BR Vroom! 2011

Uncle Johns 24-Karat Gold BR 2011

Uncle Johns The Enchanted Toilet BR For Kids Only! 2012

Uncle Johns Kid-Topia BR For Kids Only! 2012

Uncle Johns BR Nature Calls 2012

Uncle Johns BR Plunges Into California 2012

Uncle Johns Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary BR 2012

Uncle Johns Perpetually Pleasing Bathroom Reader 2013

Uncle Johns Canoramic Bathroom Reader 2014

Uncle Johns Factastic Bathroom Reader 2015

CONTENTS

Because the BRI understands your reading needs, weve
divided the contents by length as well as subject.
Shorta quick read
Medium2 to 3 pages, but still brief

POTTY ALL THE TIME

Short

Medium

MALICE IN BLUNDERLAND

Short

Medium

FASHION DONTS & DONTS

Short

Medium

THE BOOB TOOB

Short

Medium

FOR SALE BUY OWNER

Short

Medium

ITS SCIENCE!

Short

Medium

JOKESJOKESJOKESJOKES

Short

Medium

TALK WORDY TO ME

Short

EW, THIS TASTES FUNNY

Short

Medium

TWO THUMBS UP YOURS

Short

Medium

THE WILD SIDE

Short

Medium

LIFE & DEATH

Short

Medium

ODDBALLS

Short

Medium

STUPID TECHNOLOGY

Short

Medium

WRONG ARM OF THE LAW

Short

Medium

CHILDS PLAY

Short

UNHELPFUL HINTS

Short

Medium

JOCKULARITY

Short

Medium

SAY IT, DONT SPRAY IT

Short

NICE WORK IF YOU CAN AVOID IT

Short

Medium

PRANK YOU VERY MUCH

Short

Medium

GET LIT

Short

Medium

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

Short

Medium

SONG & DUNCE

Short

Medium

WHATEVER

Short

Medium

MASTERS OF COMEDY

Short

Medium

PUBLIC LIVES

Short

Medium

Picture 4

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.

Doug Collins, basketball analyst

INTRO-DUCK-TION

W henever I tell people that I make Uncle Johns Bathroom Readers for a living, they either say, Uncle Whooeys What? and then give me a strange look. Or, if they know the series (whew!), they often say, Oh, your books are so funny!

Which I find a bit odd. I mean, sure, we can be found in the humor section, but we never actually set out to make a funny book. Rather, we try to pack our books full of entertaining articles that are fun to read. Many of them happen to be funny. And because a lot of our articles are on the serious side, we offset them with sillier stuff. Thats where this book comes in.

For the New & Improved Funniest Ever, we pored through the entire Bathroom Reader seriesthats more than 120 books spanning 30 yearsto find the most hilarious reading that has ever graced our pages. We really pulled out all the stops by mixing and matching and massaging our best stuff to take it to a whole new level of humor. Inside these pages youll find the original tickle your funny bone hits and soon-to-be-favorites as well.

Result: This is the funniest book in the history of Western civilizationnow even newer and more improved! You think Im kidding? In what other single book will you find cheesy action movie one-liners, stories of real-world irony (take that, Alanis Morissette), glorious government goofs, and a story about a cow with such awful flatulence that she became a four-legged flame-thrower? Whatever your preferred brand of humorlight or dark, crass or clever, or just plain weirdyoull find it splattered all over these pages.

Before you dive in, wed like to take this opportunity to thank YOU, our loyal readers. Without you, were just cracking ourselves upand its much funnier when someone laughs along. So happy reading! And as always

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