Elliott - Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids

LAUGH-OUT-LOUD
JOKES FOR KIDS Rob Elliott 2010 by Robert E. Teigen Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com Ebook edition created 2010 Ebook corrections 04.15.2016 (VBN) All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews. ISBN 978-1-4412-1332-7 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Id like to dedicate this book to my wife Joanna, who I found out is better at coming up with kids jokes than I am! And to Joshua Bay, Emma Ruth, Leah Rose, and Anna Beth I want to dedicate this joke book to you because you are some of the greatest joys and blessings that God has given me this side of heaven. I know Ive laughed more and smiled more in the years that youve been a part of my life than ever before, so here is a little something to return the favor. Children really are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3) and Ive been blessed beyond what I deserve or ever imagined. CONTENTS 1
Q & A Jokes 2
Awesome Animal Jokes 3
Knock Knock Jokes 4
Tongue Twisters 5
Some Things to Think About 1
Q & A JOKES Q: Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot?A: He wanted to make a clean getaway. Q: How does a skeleton call his friends?A: On the tele-bone. Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?A: The mermaid. Q: Why did the invisible man turn down a joboffer?A: He just couldnt see himself doing it. Q: Why did the skeleton drink eight glasses of milk every day?A: Milk is good for the bones. Q: Why did Johnny jump up and down before he drank his juice?A: The carton said to shake well before drinking. Q: What is a babys favorite reptile?A: A rattlesnake. Q: What does a snowman eat for breakfast?A: Frosted Flakes. Q: Where do generals keep their armies?A: In their sleevies. Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?A: Take away its chair. Q: What kind of balls dont bounce?A: Eyeballs. Q: Why cant you play hide-and-seek with mountains?A: Because theyre always peaking. Q: What did the bride say when she dropped her bouquet?A: Whoopsy-Daisies. Q: Why did Jimmys parents scream when they saw his grades?A: Because he had a bee on his report card. Q: What do you call a stick that wont do anything you want?A: A stick-in-the-mud. Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?A: Bacon and legs. Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman?A: Frostbite! Q: What is a duck on the Fourth of July?A: A fire-quacker. Q: Why did the credit card go to jail?A: It was guilty as charged. Q: What would we get if we threw all the books in the ocean?A: A title wave! Q: What do you call a liar on the phone?A: A telephony. Q: What do peanut butter and jelly do around the campfire?A: They tell toast stories. Q: What did the baker say when he found the dough hed lost?A: Thats just what I kneaded! Q: Why did the flashlight, the camera, and the remote-controlled car attend the funeral?A: They were grieving the dead batteries. Q: Why wouldnt the team play with the third basketball?A: Because it was an odd ball. Q: Where do electric bills like to go on vacation?A: I-Owe-A (Iowa). Q: Why did the queen go to the dentist?A: To get crowns on her teeth. Q: How did the lobster get to the ocean?A: By shell-icopter. Q: When does the road get angry?A: When someone crosses it. Q: Why was the king only a foot tall?A: Because he was a ruler. Q: What did the robber say when he stole from the bookstore?A: I had better book it out of here. Q: Why did Sallys computer keep sneezing?A: It had a virus. Q: When do doctors get mad?A: When they lose their patients (patience). Q: Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window?A: He wanted to see time fly. Q: What language does a billboard speak?A: Sign language. Q: Why didnt the girl trust the ocean?A: There was something fishy about it. Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?A: Cuatro sinko. Q: How did the baseball player lose his house?A: He made his home run. Q: Who was the only person in the Bible without a father?A: Joshua, because he was the son of Nun (none). Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?A: He wanted some cold hard cash. Q: What did the one-dollar bill say to the ten-dollar bill?A: You dont make any cents (sense). Q: What happens when race car drivers eat too much?A: They get Indy-gestion. Q: Why do baseball pitchers stay away from caves?A: They dont like bats. Q: What kind of tree has the best bark?A: A dogwood. Q: What kind of makeup do pirate girls wear?A: Ship gloss. Q: When do you need Chapstick in the garden?A: When youre planting the tulips (two lips). Q: Why did the trees take a nap?A: For rest (forest). Q: What is a zucchinis favorite game?A: Squash. Q: Why wouldnt the lion eat the clown?A: He tasted funny. Q: What kinds of hats do you wear on your legs?A: Knee caps. Q: How do you reach a book in an emergency?A: Call its pager. Q: Who helped the monster go to the ball?A: Its scary godmother. Q: Why did the banana wear sunscreen at the beach?A: It didnt want to peel. Q: Where does a ship go when its not feeling well?A: To see the dock-tor. Q: Why was the nose feeling sad?A: It was tired of getting picked on. Q: What did the elevator say to its friend?A: I think Im coming down with something. Q: Why did Billy have a hot dog in his shoe?A: It was a foot-long. Q: What gets wet while it dries?A: A towel. Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?A: With a cabbage patch. Q: What do you call a silly doorbell?A: A ding-dong. Q: What did the sock say to the foot?A: Shoe! Q: When do you stop at green and go on red?A: When youre eating a watermelon. Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other?A: Lets stick together. Q: What did one wall say to the other?A: Lets meet at the corner! Q: Did you hear about the red ship and blue ship that collided?A: All the sailors were marooned. Q: Why did the girl need a ladder to go to school?A: Because it was high school. Q: What do sea monsters eat?A: Fish and ships. Q: What does a computer do when its tired?A: It crashes. Q: What did the tooth fairy use to fix her wand?A: Toothpaste. Q: Why did the computer get glasses?A: To improve his web sight. Q: What stays in the corner but travels all over the world?A: A stamp. Q: What did the computer say when it fell into quicksand?A: Help me! Im syncing! Q: What do you get when you have two doctors at once?A: Pair-a-medics. Q: What should you do when you get in a jam?A: Grab some bread and peanut butter. Q: How can you go surfing in the kitchen?