Sarah Pennells - Divorce: How to Help Yourself and Your Finances

Divorce

Divorce

How to help yourself and

your finances

Sarah Pennells

First published in Great Britain 2008

A & C Black Publishers Ltd

38 Soho Square, London W1D 3HB

www.acblack.com

Copyright Sarah Pennells, 2008

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eISBN: 978-1-40810-568-9

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Contents

In writing this book, I have been generously helped by many experts in this field, but the person who deserves special thanks is David Allison, who is a partner with the specialist law firm Family Law in Partnership and a trained mediator. David always made time to offer his expertise despite his own busy work schedule both with the legal detail of divorce and by giving me an insight into the realities of advising someone whose marriage is ending on how to deal with the legal and financial consequences.

I am grateful to many others who gave me the benefits of their knowledge and experience, including James Pirrie of Family Law in Partnership; Rachael Kelsey, a partner at Edinburgh law firm Pagan Osborne; Judith Brown, at Belfast law firm Alan M Brown; Karen Ritchie of independent financial advisers Financial Planning for Women; Gareth Woodward, a forensic accountant at BTG Forensic; Paul Mills, a pensions specialist with BDO Stoy Hayward; Ray Boulger, the mortgage guru at brokers John Charcol; Kirsten Gronning, founder of The Divorce Coach; Geeta Varma from the Consumer Credit Counselling Service; James Maguire at law firm DWF; Mary Webber of Advicenow and Denise Knowles from the relationship advice service, Relate. In all cases, while the expertise is theirs, any mistakes are my own.

I would also like to thank the team at A&C Black, in particular Lisa Carden, who commissioned the book. Lisas enthusiasm and infectious good humour are much appreciated and her expertise is invaluable. Thanks also to Kate Stenner for editing the book.

At the beginning and end of each chapter I have included a quote from couples who have been through a divorce. Some people I spoke to had experienced a very acrimonious break-up; others were able to end their marriage amicably. Whatever the situation, revisiting your divorce and talking about it is not easy and I am grateful that so many were willing to share their experience.

I am lucky to have friends who have supported me every step of the way; in particular Id like to mention Dawn Goldsmith who took the time to read several chapters and give me valuable feedback, as well as Caroline Watkin, Sarah Tutt and Linda McCann who offered endless encouragement.

Britain has one of the highest divorce rates in Europe and every year around 140,000 couples find themselves facing the prospect of a divorce. There have been many column inches written about why over 40 per cent of marriages break down and why fewer couples are choosing to get married in the first place. But the fact is that the reasons dont really matter to anyone whos going through the break-up of their marriage. Just because many other couples get divorced doesnt mean that youll find the process any easier.

How you feel about divorce may well come down to whether or not it was your decision. If you feel that your marriage has been on the rocks for some time and have had a number of months or even years to contemplate breaking up, youll view it very differently from someone who didnt want to split up and for whom the news was a bolt from the blue.

A divorce is about more than splitting up with the person youre married to; the person you imagined you would grow old with. It will also affect any children you have, no matter how amicable you try to keep everything; you may have to sell the home youve shared and you will have to separate finances that have become ever more intertwined over the years. There will be consequences for your family and friends and there will certainly be an impact on your standard of living.

Facing any life-changing experience is difficult. Facing it without the person you thought you were closest to may feel at times impossible. You will probably find yourself on a twin track of dealing with emotions that may include grief, anger and hurt and worrying about practical issues around your (and if you have a family, your childrens) financial future. On a day-to-day level the emotions may dominate, but the financial consequences of divorce are likely to last for a long time; in some cases, long after the emotional rifts have started to heal.

Understanding what the divorce process involves and the decisions you may have to make will not guarantee a stress-free break-up, but it should give you some control over what you are going through. And thats where this book comes in. It will explain in everyday language what your options are and where the pitfalls lie. You will learn about:

which decisions you need to make early in the divorce process and which can wait;

how your children will be provided for and when you have to involve the CSA;

the factors that can affect a financial settlement.

You may be rather confused about what financial support you may have to provide for your ex, or what you can expect from him or her. In recent years, London has been christened the divorce capital of the world, thanks to a number of high-profile and celebrity divorces. Theyve grabbed the headlines at least in part because of the eye-watering sums of money involved. But for most couples, the process of dividing what they own is very different. Your financial worries may include:

how you can stretch the money that paid for one household to support two;

how to minimise the risk of debt problems resulting from your divorce;

how you can ensure a fair split of what you own without running up massive legal bills.

There have been some changes in recent years that will benefit couples going through a divorce, one of which is an increase in the variety of help thats available. Divorce does not have to involve a legal battle and many family lawyers now offer alternative, less confrontational options. Instead of each side firing off angry letters to each other, your negotiations can be carried out face to face so that all parties knows exactly whats being discussed.