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Table of Contents

R ESOURCES

Mosaic Threat Assessment Systems

www.mosaicmethod.com

Nonviolent Communication

www.cnvc.org .

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV)

www.nrcdv.org .

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

www.thehotline.org .

National Network to End Domestic Violence

www.womenslaw.org .

Domestic Abuse Intervention Services

www.abuseintervention.org .

Verbal Abuse Support

www.verbalabuse.com

Psychopath Free

www.psychopathfree.com

N OTES

C HAPTER 1: I DENTIFYING A BUSE

p. 1 abuse is prevalent: Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence. (n.d.). Domestic Violence Info. Retrieved October 19, 2015, from ccadv.org.

p. 2 one in four women: Center for Disease Control. (2014). National Data on Intimate Partner Violence, Sexual Violence, and Stalking. Retrieved September 30, 2015, from www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs-fact-sheet-2014.pdf .

p. 3 nearly half of all women: Center for Disease Control. (2010). National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. Retrieved September 30, 2015, from www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf .

it is understandable: Gavin de Becker. The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence. New York: Dell, 1998.

p. 6 behavior and language: Martha Brockenbrough. Is Your Partner Emotionally Abusive? Retrieved November 6, 2016, from womenshealthmag.com.

includes behaviors: National Domestic Hotline & Break the Cycle. (2013). Is this Abuse? Retrieved November 6, 2016, from www.loveisrespect.org .

p. 7 underhanded tactics: Adelyn Birch. About Covert Emotional Manipulation. Retrieved October 23, 2016, from www.psychopathsandlove.com .

C HAPTER 2: P ATTERNS OF AN A BUSER D ETECTING THE U NDETECTABLE

p. 28 empathy and conscience: Jay Carter. Nasty People. New York: McGraw-Hill Education, 2003.

p. 33 he is extremely insecure: Lundy Bancroft. Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. New York: Berkley Books, 2002.

p. 55 dependent upon him: Ibid.

p. 78 both parties to be open to giving: Patricia Evans. The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond. Avon, MA: Adams Media, 2010.

p. 84 pornography increases behavioral aggression: M. Allen, D. DAlessio, & K. Brezgel. (1995). A meta-analysis summarizing the effects of pornography II: Aggression after exposure. Human Communication Research, 22, 258283.

p. 85 violence against women: Mary Anne Layden. Pornography and Violence: A New Look at Research. Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania. Retrieved March 26, 2016, from www.socialcostsofpornography.com .

p. 86 including parenting: Lundy Bancroft. Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. New York: Berkley Books, 2002.

p. 87 boosts his ego: Elan Golomb. Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self. New York: William Morrow, 1992.

C HAPTER 3: T HE P ROFILE OF AN A BUSERS P ARTNER

p. 109 a set of oppressive rules: Robert Subby. Inside the Chemically Dependent Marriage: Denial and Manipulation, in Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue. Hollywood, FL: Health Communications, 1984, 26.

p. 110 frustrated and powerless: Melody Beattie. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1986.

p. 113 characteristics of codependency: Ibid.

p. 121 crazymaking: George R. Bach & Ronald Deutsch. Stop! Youre Driving Me Crazy. New York: G. P. Putnams Sons, 1980, 270.

lost your sanity: Christine Louis de Canonville. The Effects of Gaslighting in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. The Roadshow for Therapists. Retrieved March 13, 2016, from www.narcissisticbehavior.net .

p. 130 an activity you enjoy: Patricia Evans . The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond. Avon, MA: Adams Media, 2010.

p. 131 behave respectfully: Harriet Lerner. The Dance of Anger: A Womans Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. New York: Harper & Row, 1985.

C HAPTER 4: E NDING THE R ELATIONSHIP

p. 132 the more you tolerate: Patricia Evans. The Verbally Abusive Relationship.

more permission: Beverly Engel. The Nice Girl Syndrome . Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley and Sons, 2008.

p. 134 teach her a lesson: Lundy Bancroft. Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. New York: Berkley Books, 2002.

p. 138 state of denial: George Simon Jr. In Sheeps Clothing. Little Rock, AR: Parkhurst Brothers, 2010.

p. 143 disempowers you: Lundy Bancroft. Why Does He Do That?

p. 149 appeal to him: Jay Carter. Nasty People. New York: McGraw-Hill Education, 2003.

C HAPTER 5: H EALING FROM AN A BUSIVE R ELATIONSHIP

p. 160 worked hard: Patricia Evans. The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond. Avon, MA: Adams Media, 2010.

p. 164 fight or flight: Walter Bradford Cannon. Bodily Changes in Pain, Hunger, Fear, and Rage. New York: Appleton-Century-Crofts, 1929.

p. 168 learned helplessness: M. E. P. Seligman. (1972). Learned helplessness. Annual Review of Medicine, 23 (1): 407412. DOI: 10.1146/annurev.me.23.020172.002203. Retrieved February 6, 2016, from www.annualreviews.org .

C HAPTER 6: D EVELOPING A S ENSE OF S ELF

p. 182 no real solution: Susan M. Orsillo & Lizabeth Roemer. The Mindful Way Through Anxiety: Break Free from Chronic Worry and Reclaim Your Life. New York: Guilford Press, 2011.

p. 189 shadow theory: Robert A. Johnson. Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche. New York: HarperSanFrancisco, 1991.

p. 202 internal guardian: Gavin de Becker. The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence. New York: Dell, 1998.

p. 205 the most that one can be: Abraham H. Maslow. Motivation and Personality . New York: Addison-Wesley Longman, 1970.

p. 208 no personal attacks: Beverly Engel. The Nice Girl Syndrome. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2008.

p. 209 real intimacy: Lundy Bancroft & J. A. C. Patrissi. Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Canand ShouldBe Saved. New York: Berkley Books, 2011.

integrity is preserved: Melody Beattie. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1986.

F URTHER R EADING

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2013.

Bancroft, Lundy. When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse. New York: Berkley Books, 2005.

. Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. New York, NY: Berkley Books, 2002.

& Patrissi, Jac. Should I Stay or Should I Go? New York, NY: Berkley Books, 2011.

Beattie, Melody. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1986.

Behary, Wendy T. Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2003.

. Disarming the Narcissist. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2013.

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